Heather muses

so i've been thinking

2009-06-15T15:27:00.000-07:00

i know i'm amusing from time to time, but as you well know, those times are quite rare. that is, if you're looking for amusement here. because if you look, say here, i believe you will find amusement on a weekly if not daily basis.

that's the first time i've looked at that page. it points out i am a fan of muppets, bacon and sleep. and if that's not amusement from the get-go, i don't know what is.

i promise this is the last time i'll pimp FB. suffice to say i hope any remaining followers will join me over there, because i have been thinking about calling my spade a grave-digging tool, and getting rid of this thing. but then i thought hey! it's nice to be able to wax on if i get a hankerin'. keeping in mind that i seem to hanker less and less these days...

oh and before i forget: any of you who have Blogger-based blogs, i'm sorry i haven't been commenting. the firewall at work does NOT play nice with their system. i can read, and post, but not comment. ridiculous but it's just the sort of corporate efficiency i've come to expect.

on that note, i got a minor promotion at work. which means i'll be ignoring you with a greater level of efficiency and entitlement, going forward. all hail the Slacker Queen, who still loves nuts on her desktop:

good morning

2009-05-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

why yes i'm still here. although, admittedly, usually i am over *there*.

this has been a crazy week. probably because i am covering for my boss plus still doing my regular job. oh, and the car broke down. but thankfully, like most weeks, it's getting better as it goes. hopefully i have not just jinxed myself by saying that.

monday was me & min's 13-year anniversary. we went out to troutdale for a picnic and walk. part of the walk was going to be downtown but apparently they decided to celebrate memorial day by not working. so then we went to see termin@tor 4 (not that great) followed by a quick trip to powell's. who can argue with books?

look at me, being chatty. so what's up with you?

happy friday!

2009-05-15T16:14:00.000-07:00

hi,
i am a combination of really busy, and really lazy.
other than that, i have no excuse for not writing.
well, except for a horrible cold that lasted a week.
does it help to know that i'm not doing any writing on the side, either?
work emails don't count.

but, i finished my site redesign. is it up yet? well, you can peek...
but no, i won't finish updating the main site til i get home tonight...or this weekend...
but it does feel really good to have that done.
but now i have to redo my resumes and THAT will take longer
but, go me for having a less-cluttered site.
but will that help with the scrilla?

time will tell.
time also travels and i hope to see some of that this weekend, when i take my parents to see the new Star Trek.
time for that was supposed to be last weekend but apparently, last weeked was:
time for my sinuses to go bananas.

speaking of bananas, i'm outta here!
and i will try to be more interesting next time.
oh wait! here's my current desktop:

ok now you can't say i'm not entertaining.
END TRANS

a study in contrasts

2009-04-21T12:19:00.001-07:00

a study in contrasts
Originally uploaded by heatherama

if no one is around, dolce is a lump. however, if someone (especially me) approaches, she will start rolling over and moving her head constantly.

in other words, i took 10 shots. the single, barely-blurry one was the left, the other 9? see to the right.

so: adorable, but slightly annoying.

in other news we went to fort stevens over in astoria a few weekends ago and had a merry olde time.

in other other news...i'm getting ready to dust off my personal site. need more freelance web/writing work, bring in a bit more scrilla. yay, here's to bills!

the internet is about collaboration

2009-04-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

a friend of mine made (most) of this for me based, as you might guess, on how funny we think we are. i then complained that 'nice' was not on the list. i am a big fan of that word, and did not think it fair -- nay, nice -- to have it left off. i wasn't sure of the point spread for nice so i opted for something more precious.

that's right. animated sheep. and if you're lucky, LOTS of them.

HAppy Friday. :)

i don't think sir conan would be happy

2009-04-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

with this.

i'm just saying.

RAWR

2009-04-08T14:10:00.000-07:00

another meaningless, yet fairly insightful, quiz for me to pretend i'm offering content to you on a regular basis:

You Are a Snow Leopard

You have learned that you must rely on yourself, and yourself alone, to live a happy life. You are understand the world better than most people you know. You are very perceptive and intuitive.

You need lots of space to think. If you don't get the space you need, you're likely to bite someone's head off.
Because you are so thoughtful and solitary, people find you to be intense and mysterious. You're even seen as intimidating.

What Big Cat Are You?

btw the up and coming news i alluded to last time? not happening. sorry, folks. but there is always tomorrow...

um...howdy!

2009-04-02T10:45:00.001-07:00

yeah so i've been neglecting you. would you believe me if i said i'm sorry? how about if i said i'm sorry plus made this face to represent my shame?

3 weeks without a post! i'm sure i've gone longer, but there's just no excuse, really. i mean, it's not like i've been doing any of these things:

so really, other than the usual yawn-worthy excuses of mind-numbing work and the necessities of modern life, i have no answer for why i have failed you so desperately in supplying entertainment, particularly in the arena that is the web log, or "blog", if you will. no excuse at all.

unless, of course, you are willing to consider the notion that something big is around the corner. something exciting. something that literally could turn your mind to this:

is such a thing coming? is it possible? do i - do we - dare to dream of such a day?

time will tell. but don't believe everything you hear. time also can fly, but only under the right conditions.

you have been warned.

hey peeples

2009-03-13T16:31:00.000-07:00

so i survived the whirlygig affair. i must say, recuperation is taking a lot longer than i figured. part of that is probably because of all the end0metri0sis that had to get "removed". they don't tell you that til afterwards -- especially if they don't expect it going in -- but removal of that shit means **burning** it away. so needless to say, my innards haven't been the happiest of campers.

but yesterday marked 2 weeks since the big day, and i was able to eek out a normal work schedule this week, thanks to the happy pills. i thought i could go back earlier and believe me, i was mistaken. but thank god for barely enough borrowed-PTO time and aforementioned pills.

other than feeling better physically, honestly what i can't wait for is having the mental and emotional energy to write. well, you know -- funnies. because this post's my creative limit for now, and i get how sad that is. :-p

so here's to chortles next week! man, i love that word. CHORTLES.

the good and the bad

2009-02-24T11:50:00.000-08:00

since my last post:

good: i've written more funnies.
bad: not as many as i'd like. i know, pretty minor bad. but this is because:

good: i've had some work to do. this keeps me from chomping at the bit.
bad: see above

good: i get a cyst, (very likely) 1 whirlygig, and bonus material removed thursday afternoon!
bad: that i need surgery at all. also that i have to take vacation time for it, since work's sick/vacation policy sucks.

good: that i have a job, crappy policies or not.
bad: that i had to turn down a totally ToTaLLy awesome job because of what i'd have to write about. their posting was anonymous, so i didn't know what i was getting into when i applied. i really thought hard about it but realized i just couldn't swallow a senior writer gig *there*, because i just don't get *them*. a one-off i could probably swing. full time hack? nope. and that sucks.

good: i may be jinxing it, but today looks to be light. here's to more writing!
bad: none because la la la a pox on the jinxing!

a productive week+

2009-02-13T16:23:00.001-08:00

since my last post, a little over a week ago, i have written 3 pieces. 3 solid, funny pieces. if that's not progress then i don't know what is. other than the obvious benefit of actually *writing*, here are the other benefits to teh funny:

1. it's easier to come up with good ideas.
2. it's shorter, and therefore faster, to write than anything else.
3. since it's easier and shorter, i've actually *finished* 3. as opposed to not finishing anything i've started over the last year.
4. distractions do not interrupt the flow of writing. in fact, sometimes they help (see #1). this is also huge, because when i'm writing something more =serious= it can take me a while to get into the right zone.
5. speaking of distractions, it doesn't seem to matter what music i listen to while i'm engaged in funny bidness. ROCK ON.
6. i get to laugh while i'm doing it. or just thinking about it.

my first piece, called 'Superheroes at the Wheel', gets an audience in our writer's group, next saturday. we'll see what they think but as for min, i heard her laughing all the way from upstairs. i think this is a good sign.

59 is fine

2009-02-04T15:54:00.001-08:00

last year i read 59 books. if you want to know what i *thought* of those books in detail, then you should add me as a friend on goodreads. but suffice to say, some of them were excellent and others, not.

that averages out to a little more than 1 a week. that much reading sounds like a good excuse for my not writing, but the truth is i wrote GOBS in 2008 -- i just wrote erratically. and while i know i love books, seeing those stats kind of surprised me, made me wonder if i should slow down. really carve out more time for writing. but then i know the right answer for that...

on that note, yesterday i finished this. it is a very funny book, but it could've been so much better. the idea of doing that - writing something funnier - really appeals to me. or if i'm going to start now, a-peel-s to me. it also reminds me of something i read recently in a writer's block article (which counts as procrastinating and being productive at the same time). the writer said:

if your publisher said they could only publish 1 book, what book would you write?

naturally this assumes you are still crippled by writer's block and have not started, or at least finished, said book. also this assumes you have a publisher.

i must've been hormonal at the time, because i answered: either a book about my upbringing, or obsession. given my history, there's some overlap there, but suffice to say, those are things i've already given a lot of attention, writing-wise. but today, after being disappointed in (but still enjoying) FRC, and then some *usual* facebook silliness, i had a revelation. i am very, very silly. witty, even, on a fairly regular basis. OMG I SHUD B FUNI RITER.

now, i get how hard it is to be funny. the truth is, if you're trying to get people to laugh, it's much harder work than getting them to cry or feel sad with some sort of dramatic fiasco. this is just a guess because i'm (chicken) winging it, but it occurs to me that maybe this is tied to the whole 'it's easier to remember bad stuff than the good' mentality. somehow we can access those feelings much quicker - some of us can - and so moving from that semi-default, semi-serious place to laughter is just...trickier. it requires more leaps for our brain.

then again maybe this is just a great excuse for all the failed comedy writing out there.

at any rate, attacking humor instead of drama is also a great excuse for avoiding the stories i've started over the last 12 months, and starting something new instead. where i go from here is a big fat mystery, since humor is both nowhere and everywhere.

speaking of everywhere, here is just one of the random ideas that popped in, thanks to one of the many lists i'm on. there was a request for a Jogging Stroller. immediately i thought:

wanted: Jogging Stroller, Running Refrigerator, and Sauntering Microwave

there's so many places you could go with something like this. and that's the point. these are the kind of things that run through my brain ALL the time, and i think it's about time i started making better use of my humor-related ADD.

downtime sorta sucks

2009-01-26T14:31:00.000-08:00

especially if you're, let's say, also struck with writer's block. the funny thing is that i did start a new story the other day, but when i find myself with time to think about - and work on - it, i get frozen. the thought of penning anything further just stops me in my tracks.

i am sure it doesn't help that this, and the story i'd started late last year, involve a lot of personal history mining. i didn't mind mining, i suppose, but i think i'm getting frozen (in advance, mind you) thinking about the inevitable sharing of said stories -- for example, min is in my writer's group.

how do people ever write semi-autobiographical stories? at least about people who are still alive. i can't turn off that damned internal Nice Girl for more than an hour at a time, it seems, before she just clams up. and sure, i could write pure-on fiction. but this other stuff is clogging up the drain, and so nothing lovely is getting through. or rather, nothing inordinately clunky. a little clunky i don't mind, but this...

besides work and being creatively cranky, things have been all right. we've been working through this, i took down 80% of our christmas tree, finally went to the (somewhat disappointing) downtown library, the world was coated in white for most of sunday, and i have eaten here twice in the last week. carbolicious!

in closing, i would like to thank the facebook gods for being occasionally diverting.
that is all.

everything may not be perfect

2009-01-20T13:41:00.000-08:00

some people erroneously think obama is our next

but the truth is, today marks some real

at least as far as i'm concerned. i didn't plan to watch the inauguration festivities this morning, but when i turned on the news -- looking for traffic reports, mind you -- i got Inauguration Fever. when i got to work, after some work, i got things streaming. there were no lightning bolts, other than this: thank god, we finally have someone intelligent at the helm. is it possible we can finally start changing things for the better?

so, happy inauguration day, folks. that is all. :)

what, i'm posting already?

2009-01-17T08:58:00.000-08:00

i know, less than a month and here i am again. wtf? i blame it on a variety of things:

1. my mom is moving out. when? hard to say, because she has to wait for her rental application to go through. where's she moving? BACK WITH MY DAD.

apparently she has to re-apply to live there, and that can take a while, so she'll still be with us a few more weeks til that settles. meantime she's with him this weekend - their anniversary, wouldn't you know - as a 'let's see how this goes+couples therapy' round.

yes therapy, which is the sole reason i feel partly ok about her going. it's not that i want them to stay apart - a big part of me wants them together - but i want them to do so *smartly*. you know, when my dad has not only taken some responsibility for his actions, but had time to prove he's being responsible. the operative words in that sentence are responsible and time. i think he is starting the responsible thing, but time? he's just started. there's no way to tell if this is all a ruse to get my mom back. it's not like there haven't been ruses the other 5-odd times she's left before.

but i digress. and in a surprising move, i told my mom exactly why i thought this was a bad idea, at this point in their process. normally i keep my mouth shut - her life and all. but surprise, she's living with us, so i'm a little more invested, and plus her being right there apparently forced my mouth open.

2. i am insanely bored at work. note, i have plenty to do, for the most part -- i just want to do something else. and i want to BE somewhere else, in an environment that is not so restrictive. but, because of the upcoming whirlygig removal (late feb, woo) i'm not going anywhere for a while. but after, well...we'll see.

on that note, i am incredibly grateful for my job. i know so many people have been laid off, work mind-numbing, back-breaking jobs and i'm grateful that mine requires neither. well, the mind-numbing, at times, but usually doesn't last long. anyway, i'm keeping my eyes and ears open is alls i gots to say.

3. i am realizing i need to get some more friends. another earth-shatterer i know. but i am talking about people i can go to the movies with, people here. i have plennnnty of online friends. i want someone to go to dinner with, hike, and in the past i've made most of my friends at work. that isn't working as well here, which means i need to branch out. it's frustrating because, honestly, i'm a little lazy when it comes to that. it's hard work and a lot easier to spend my weeknights or weekends running errands, watching tv or going for a drive. so, this is a kick in the pants note for myself.

4. i've had a serious writing problem for months. as in, not writing. what, you couldn't tell? you're so sweet lying to me like that, thanks. but it's true and i suspect/hope it may be ending soon because:

a) i've actually been *thinking* about writing the last week or so, and i hadn't thought about writing for a long time, but
b) i actually wrote this morning. it was just about a sexxxy dream i had last night (good morning!) but writing about all that passion, well, it fired the little Writer in me up.

so i am thinking good thoughts instead of the pessimistic ones. at least for a couple of hours.

ok that's it for now, time to get cracking on the day. hope you all are having a good weekend. :)

i suppose i've been taunting you long enough

2008-12-29T17:01:00.000-08:00

with the promise of a real post that is. one with meat, although i hope the photos were a decent stopgap. and wow, i just noticed how long since there was meat, and it was mid-november. sorry, folks!

the short version is that work has been verra busy and i love the holidays but not my ovaries.

1. work? dull but busy.
2. holidays? because of #1 and other things like ARTIC BLAST 2008 i did very little decorating and our tree was out in the snow a little longer than it should've been. and i baked sugar cookies! which are also not decorated. mom made the frosting finally, last night, so i anticipate sprinklage this evening.

also worth a highlight is my earlier christmas present, a new camera and yes it is pink and no i would not have picked that color on purpose since i am not smitten with my X chromosomes. more on that later. however, it was the last one, a discounted floor model, which is probably why it is now broken. worked fine for a month and then on christmas day, wouldn't boot up. as soon as i find all the packaging, back to the store...

btw, for the most part, i loved our 14-inch snowpocalypse because a) i love snow and b) it made less people drive but c) i'm glad it's all melted now, thanks.

ok so on to #3: the reproductive whirlygigs.

i have never been a big fan of the reproductive whirlygigs. it's good i never planned to be a baby factory, since there's a history of defective whirlygigs on both sides of my family. now that i think about it, it's surprising we've reproduced as much as we have. :-D

but i digress. oldtimers may recall i have this bit of fun which - for the most part - has not troubled me too much the last few years thanks to modern prescriptives. in the last year, though, it felt like one of those gigs was whirling too much, so i went to the doctor. turns out one of those recurrent cysts decided to get a little wacky and so - presumably sometime next month - that cyst and corresponding ovary is going buh-bye.

at first i hestitated. i was annoyed at the thought - and expense - of surgery for something that was not that big of a deal. then the cyst decided to pitch a fit (primadonna) and so fine, i got the surgery ball rolling.

but apparently that was not good enough, because starting christmas eve, i got a nasty, impromptu period. thanks to my aforementioned support of the pharmaceutical industry, nasty, impromptu periods have not happened in over 3 years.

friday afternoon, i called the (on call) doctor. long story short, "it happens" but follow up with your regular doctor next week. over the weekend it got worse, and i started to worry, so sunday we went to the ER. long story short, "it happens" but follow up with your regular doctor this week.

turns out my regular guy is out til next week. meantime things are a little better, and hopefully all these symptoms will die a quick death soon, but this whole 'sometimes whirlygigs go bananas' explanation is really damn annoying. if any of you have experience with this, please feel free to share.

i will say this -- i'm really looking forward to the surgery now, if only to put a stop to this monkey business. three cheers to being sansa-monkey!

i brrrrrrrrrrring you tidings of joy

2008-12-23T15:54:00.000-08:00

and pictures. because guess what? it's been snowing.

you can see all the pictures here and yes some of the pictures are not of snow. i think my cat is cute. so sue me.

will i write something more illuminative in the near future? a looming 5 day weekend holds promise.

got me?

2008-12-16T09:06:00.001-08:00

i know, a little lame. i might write more later but meantime...

I Am Milk

Your holiday personality is innocent.
The holidays make you feel like a kid all over again.
You love every part of the holidays, and you anticipate Christmas morning.
You enjoy getting presents as much as you did when you were young!

What Holiday Drink Are You?

personally i think this is pretty spot on.
also, this morning i am feeling VERY amused by the ringtones around here. in the last two minutes i've heard a christmas carol and the super mario brothers theme. that last one wants me at home with some peppermint cocoa kicking some mushroom ass.

hey there!

2008-12-10T16:59:00.001-08:00

yes i know my blogging efforts are pathetic.
i may blog more tomorrow - i may actually have time.
then again, we're going bowling.
meantime, happy holidays. :)

i wish i could pull off orange

2008-11-19T11:04:00.000-08:00

because i would so get this:

if this amuses you in any way, shape or form, go check out the main site. they have tons of awesome shirts, and if it were spring (no long sleeves, boo) i would so be droppin some cash there right now.

may the 4s be with you

2008-11-18T09:46:00.001-08:00

tomorrow is the 4-year anniversary of this blog.
this is also my 444th post.
which means that i am 4ced to make bad puns involving the number 4.
(but i promise, that's the last one 4 now)

looking back at post numero uno, it's interesting that my first commenter is someone who no longer comments here. we're still friends, though not as close as we used to be, and some of that has to do with the Great Drama of 2006. that drama ultimately led to me calling RIP on this blog but then, of course, i lied and came back. along the way i've gotten many other readers, some i have no idea where from, so thanks for riding the waves with me :)

2006 was a pretty bipolar year but for better or worse, min and i continued on, mostly for the better. i chalk a lot of that up to some Really Good Therapy from a wonderful lesbian therapist in SF. also i chalk it up to honesty about Really Difficult Things. as readers both old and new know, i still try to keep up the honesty thing here, most recently regarding my parental escapades.

on that note, my dad has gone silent in terms of communicating with me. not surprisingly, he is being a shit to my mom. i am struggling with knowing how - or if - i should interact with him. i would like to have a 'good' relationship with him, but on the other hand, his lack of talking to me -- despite my earlier reaching out to him -- makes me wonder if i should just leave him alone. then, i think about him being alone -- which he is -- and that feels wrong.

i'm so glad that i'm an adult going through this, because as a kid i think their breakup would've killed me. now it's just mildly distressing. but, any of you who've had to go thru this process, i welcome your input.

work is weird -- slow at the moment, but i know that's temporary because my cubemate is quitting. we're on the same team, which means my workload is going to go up about 25%. which means no writing, not that i was doing much anyway.

the one bright spot on my horizon is the holidays. i lovelovelove november and december because of all the food and decorations and merriment and otherwise festive activities there always seem to be a billion of. i love that it gets cold(ish), that sometimes there is snow but mostly just fog and rain, but the cold is delicious because i run so damn hot. also supposedly my sister is visiting from phoenix and i'm looking forward to taking some time off, tooling about on the cheap. on that note, i am also happy that gas is nearing $2.

i know this is a rambly recap but i guess that's where i am - Ramblation, OR. for some unearthly reason i have a good feeling about 2009. i'm aware that i've been biding my time, and apparently some part of me thinks things will change in the next few months, for the better. i hope my subconscious is right. :-o

meantime, whether you're a habitual lurker, or a habitual commenter, thanks for coming round. here's to continued piquing of interests.

because i want to be +1 for tomorrow

2008-11-17T16:53:00.000-08:00

please enjoy this fine resource, which helped me drool over this:

happy belated anniversary

2008-11-07T10:04:00.000-08:00

yesterday was our 1-year anniversary of moving from california to oregon. am i still happy with that decision? see my obama post as metaphorical preview of coming paragraphs.

my job may be a little busier than i'd like -- although obviously i have enough time to write this today! - but at least i have a job. if i'd stayed in california, as a mediocre developer, i'm sure i would have been laid off. instead i'm on a team where my skillz pass for superior. go mediocrity! and, go occasional time for writing at mostly-mellow workplace.

and though i need to work on making more friends, at least we have a pretty friendly crew here. my writing group is pretty cool too, and speaking of words, hope to hit wordstock this weekend. if nothing else, this town is a fan of words. as you might imagine, that warms my heart a wee bit.

one of the main reasons we moved up was to be closer to my parents. now my mom is a lot closer than i'd anticipated - and that is going fine, thank you - but obviously with heartwrenching results. in the fallout from that, my dad has written me and min off as being untrustworthy and, i'm sure, a host of unflattering things he won't say to our face but directs to my sister and mother via email. classy. also classy is his attempt to woo other women while still trying to get my mom back. quite the prize, he is.

otherwise life is mostly the same, i'd guess, as it would've been in california...except that almost every day i go outside, i am stunned at all the beauty around me. not that i didn't ever note beauty in the sparkling smogopolis of san jose, but in addition to the air, there's just all the green, orange, blue, and (yes) rainbow of colors that perpetually surround us.

so yeah. color me happy to be home again.

well, a short p.s.

2008-11-05T16:56:00.000-08:00

wtf, people.

but, you go girls.

alls i haves to say is

2008-11-05T15:04:00.001-08:00

i am happier than this kid:

if i spoke another language i'd probably say:

and if i was gonna swear it'd be:

and since picture sez a 1000 words:
that is all.

hello from your ultimate fantasy object

2008-10-28T16:52:00.000-07:00

You Are a Vampire

You are charming, sensual, and even a bit manipulative.
You can't help but get people to do what you want.
You have sharp senses and a strong predatory instinct.
You go after what you want, without mercy.

While you have the heart of a killer, many people are drawn to you.
You are elegant, timeless, and mysterious. You are the ultimate fantasy object.

Are You a Vampire or a Werewolf?

happy halloweenie, and for the record i love you werewolves, too.

proof of boredom: 2 posts in the same week

2008-10-23T16:27:00.000-07:00

i was really bored this morning. oh, i had work, but not enough of it, because i am a work-eating machine. so before i went to lunch, on facebook i set my status to:

Heather hopes, upon return to her desk, to be greeted by either work or inspiration.

and inspiration was what i got. i have work friends on facebook, and apparently one of them decided my hope should take the form of a post-it.

fine by me. it's staying in front of my keyboard so that i remember to take a break - mental or otherwise - more often. and, what i really meant by inspiration was, inspiration to write.

i am in a serious funk when it comes to penning any fiction, and haven't written anything new in almost two months. before this was about work insanity but the last few days, every time i think about writing i hear 'work on your goals!' from the bosslady in my head, so i drudge through personal improvement training instead.

this is another form of procrastination and i know it. the truth is, nothing is moving me long enough to write. post-post-it, i even opened up a file called 'inspiration' and started pasting in tidbits from this awesome site i randomly found the other day. i had a whole page of it, and then i had to go somewhere - for a walk? yes, after more mind-numbing training - and when i came back, i just stared at them tidbits. yeah? so? interesting? but apparently not enough.

so. any of you writers or creative types -- has this happened to you, and what the hell did you do to break out of it? do i just need a vacation? yes, i have been stressed with family stuff, but i don't think that explains it all. i'm just really having a hard time getting started, hearing a story. and yes i just figured out i need to hear at least part of the story before i begin.

ok any of you with ideas, please hammer 'em into me.

all quiet on the western front

2008-10-20T16:58:00.000-07:00

at least sort of. saturday was an incredible flurry of activity on the part of me, mom, and one aunt/uncle set, packing up her stuff. it was a bit tricky to keep mom focused at first, but between me and my uncle (a former army guy) we got done in about 2 hours, including time for mom to write dad a goodbye note.

meantime min kept dad busy, apparently having a very nice time. they really do get along wonderfully, so much that when she had to drop him off under a bit of a guise (reparking the car), she felt horrible for a while, wondering if he would think she was just 'being nice' in order to get him out of the house. i think he knows better, but we'll see.

min met the rest of us at the safeway down the street, and i got back into the car with her. as we drove away i started crying, thinking about how lonely and confused and angry he had to be in that moment. i had woke up that morning crying over the same thing. for all the stupid, hurtful things he has done, he is still my dad, i love him, and don't want him to be hurting.

but these things go in waves, the feelings. and so it was that a while after my early-am crying spell, min stopped me and said, you know i'm really angry at your dad right now. we have all this angst, are going to all this effort because he keeps fucking up.

at that moment i felt very calm and so i said, yeah, i felt that way about a month ago. :-p

my dad is supposed to get a phone sometime today. the only way he had to contact us in the meantime, should he choose, was email. it was quite possible he would do something rash after all this (it has happened before) and so we were very glad to see an email from my dad saturday evening.

of course it was rather pleading, full of very mixed messages...and sent to me. there have been two more messages since and i am determined to talk to my mom tonight, get him her new email address. at first she said she'd reply via my account but later i realized being their intermediary is not ok with me.

that's it for now - my extremely dreary workday is about over, and i am so outta here. i am just grateful this seems to be proceeding rather smoothly so far, and hope i have not just jinxed things.

t-1

2008-10-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

tomorrow my mom is scheduled for departure from her salem abode, heading for parts portlandish, by which i mean our guest room. the date has been set for almost 2 weeks and her slow but consistent progress forward -- along with a fiendishly brilliant plan she emailed early this morning -- makes me think she will really leave my dad tomorrow.

am i ready? hell no. but i know she needs to do it.

is her room ready? let's say, 75% and i suppose the extra exercise has been good for me. it used to look like a storage unit exploded in there; now there are orchestrated, diminutive piles of chaos. that plus putting the bed together will keep me busy til midday tomorrow when we head southward.

oh, and the brilliant plan? send min and my dad to a bookstore or thrift store while, unbeknownst to him (but knownst to us), me, mom, and other relatives pack up her stuff. there will still be some kind of an aftermath, which i am not looking forward to at ALL, but meantime my dad and min will be in one of their favorite places.

here's hoping tomorrow doesn't suck ass.

i have no excuse not to write

2008-10-08T10:09:00.000-07:00

at least this morning, so here i am. so what's the haps the last few weeks? well, certainly not my mom moving in. she is now targeting next weekend. since she's given me a new date, i suppose this weekend i will actually work on the guest room...

what i really wanted to do this weekend was get out halloween decor. over the weekend we went to the roloff farms - home to the little people, big world show, if you watch that.

min is a big fan and was ecstatic (i surprised her) to go there finally, despite having to hobble a bit. she'd wrenched her knee the week before. we got some nifty pumpkins which i will try to showcase sometime before halloweenie.

afterwards, we went to see a bad movie but followed it with yummy japanese. 8 or so hours after that, min got up from bed and uber-wrenched her knee. 10 or so hours after that, we came home from the ER, her with a big ol knee brace and orders to rest. has she been resting? using the brace? sort of. grr.

i know i'm being a bad blog hostess, what with these sporadic posts. however, if you want more frequent - if one line - updates, you should add me as a friend on facebook. i know you're all dying for up to the minute heather news, so consider this your best source.

and since i flubbed several words in the attempt to type that last paragraph, i have a question for y'all, especially those of you who might be older than me. in the last few months i've noticed that i'm starting to misspell words -- and instead of transposing letters (my longtime favorite) -- i'm spelling semi-phonetic-variations. for example, dying became dieing. news was originally knews. so....has this happened to any of you? this rampant misspelling affliction? i feel like my synapses are starting to break down.

an update on my odd little world

2008-09-22T16:44:00.000-07:00

things are entirely too busy at work.
but i got a teeny soda can acknowledging my contributions!
a new person just joined our team, so maybe things will get better...in a month, when they're trained
my mom finally came for Her Weekend of Processing
yes it was productive...and long.
yes she says she's leaving my dad. in fact, she says it will be next weekend
i'm not holding my breath
she's coming to stay with us...temporarily. she says she's excited about getting her own place
not holding my breath there either.
mom in the house will be good for min (for several reasons) but a big one is:
about a month ago, min stopped driving. she's having (more) forgetful+depth perception-type issues. so it'll be good to have another driver in the house, for a while
i am really proud of min for making that decision. my dad should've done that a long time ago.
and of course, i am proud of my mom, taking some of the steps she needs to feel good about herself
i will be even prouder if she actually does what she needs to by next weekend

and most importantly:
there needs to be a ghirardelli store in portland

grateful

2008-09-08T16:54:00.000-07:00

this weekend left me feeling very grateful. there have been no gold-showering rainbows, no happy pills for family tension, work or health issues, but that does not stop me from being blessed. for example:

my mom was supposed to come stay with us over the weekend. we were going to have some fun, sure, but also high on the list was helping her process, so to speak, her future. be a sounding board, troubleshoot ideas, etc. because she has not done that yet, not really.

but it's been weeks since this debacle started! you might say. and to you i say: very astute. but time moves very, very slowly when you are sick. which means, no, my mom did not come over this weekend. she called friday, rescheduling to saturday; called saturday rescheduling to sunday, and sunday to cancel completely. sunday brought 'needles pricking all [her] joints', along with a 102 degree fever. i wish i could say this was horribly out of line, but unfortunately, it's only a mild deviation.

which is why, almost immediately after talking with her, something pushed me onto the back deck. it was almost 80 degrees, sunny with a wonderful little breeze. i realized that, as an able-bodied person living in an absolutely gorgeous area, i had a moral imperative to take advantage of it.

and so i did. as a nice surprise, min came too. we traipsed around a wonderfully lush park, with semi-steep paths right down to the willamette river. once we got to the rocks and blue, pearl started chasing a larger dog into a good-sized pond and ran right into it...for about 2 seconds, and then backed up. she turned around to look at me. water?!?

she did this about 4 or 5 more times, which = big big fun for her AND for us, giggling away. after that, i walked over to the river and got my feet nice and freezing, drinking in the air and peaceful surroundings: quiet chatter, dogs barking, boats scooting by, water lapping at me, wind in my hair, sun keeping everything in check.

i would give a lot to make my mom better. meantime...man. we had a good day. :)

hey who else could go for some updates right now?

2008-08-29T16:02:00.000-07:00

updates, not flapjacks. tho i'm sure 15 days of waiting has made you hungry...

really, there has been no major change since my last post, other than the change of no more rampant spending, since i killed that bank account. my mom, who has threatened (at least to me) to take more drastic personal action, has not. today she did send me the url of apartments nearby though, indicating she may really leave. do i understand her reluctance? the slow nature of change, especially due to illness? you bet. is it still a little/really annoying? you bet.

i suppose the only real change, such as it is, is the increasingly bipolar responses from my dad. one email will border on penitent, asking questions, telling me he loves me. the next he will be angry, accusatory, and generally full of misrepresentation and deflections.

actually the deflection is almost always there, and that is the part that is troubling me more, as this communication continues. it shows a lack of responsibility on his part: it's not my fault, you didn't tell me. it's not my fault, i'm sick. and the combination one: it's not my fault, i don't remember because i'm sick.

the problem is that the last part is true. he has pleeeenty of trouble remembering because of all the strokes he's had. totally legit. if he would be humble about it, ask for help, take feedback from others...well, things would be a lot happier. he has done this before, too. but so far, he doesn't seem able to settle there. i'll see glimpses and then he's back to being angry.

earlier week i was so at my limit about all this. work craziness was not helping. but as the week wound down, work mellowed a bit and i stopped getting email from my dad. apparently he hasn't been feeling well but i bet there's also a bit of "i'm not getting my way so i'll try ignoring this for a while".

which is fine by me, since i was 100% in burnout zone. but it also means i have no idea wtf is going to happen next. so, stay tuned...

well i could swear

2008-08-14T16:32:00.001-07:00

that i'd written about my dad's obsession with coins, but my search = null. i did finally find something about stamp obsession (i suggest you search in there, if you really want to know more) but suffice to say, some of that same bidness has returned. this time it's about coins -- ancient ones -- which, along with stamps and books, he's collected for years.

sounds pretty boring, doesn't it? i like history a smidge, so i do find discussions on these topics somewhat interesting, but what i really find tedious is spending GOBS of scrilla to the point that you risk losing your home. again.

in short, the last two weeks has involved way too many conversations with my mom about mysterious p@ypal charges. and i had written a whole post about it yesterday, but last night i got an email from my dad, and i realized that my reply to him would make for better reading. so here you go.

Hey Dad,

Thanks for emailing me. Before anything else, I want to let you know I love you, and I always will.

The other thing I have to say right away is that I find it ironic you preferred to talk via email--ironic because that's often easier for me as well, when discussing something that may be difficult. I know we'll talk soon on the phone or in person, but I agree this is a good place to start.

Thanks also for saying you want me to 'let it all out' and want some open, honest communication. Plenty of things have been running through my head the last couple weeks, but here's what I want to say for now.

1. I know you feel a sense of duty -- and indeed, some legal/financial responsibility -- to the eb@y auctions you either currently or expect to owe payments on. But you do not "need" to pay for these items. What you need to do is contact these sellers and tell them you are sorry, but you do not have the funds to pay for these items and must withdraw. There is a lot of info here but suffice to say, even under the 12 hour timeframe, eb@y still gives the option to withdraw at any time.

The bottom line is this: there is no more money. Unless you have a hidden bank account somewhere, your only option is to work with these sellers to withdraw from every remaining auction -- closed or open.

2. You said: "I thought I could handle closing this on my own but you must have thought otherwise."
I thought so too. But over the last several weeks, you have repeatedly changed your story about a) how many auctions were left and b) how much the total cost might be. I remember hearing totals of $40...$190...but the fact is that, over the last month, you have spent almost $669 on eb@y or coin-related websites, most of that in the last two weeks.

Since I have taken action to freeze your P@yPal account -- which is tied to my secondary bank account -- and began the process of closing that bank account, there *should* be no additional charges. As far as 'overages' -- there was a non-sufficient funds fee earlier this week due to all this, which would put the damage at $701. Hopefully that will be the final tally.

Incidentally, all but 1 of these charges are after your first apology, your first promise to me in the middle of last month, that you would not 'break my trust' by *further* spending inappropriately and draining my bank account. Since then, there have been 2 additional apologies...

3. I am a bit puzzled by your request that I will be kind to mom. I don't think I've ever given any indication of being unkind, and certainly actions by you would not make me be unkind to her. I would hope it wouldn't make me unkind to you either -- anger has a purpose, and I have every right to be angry, as does mom.

Since this is not the first time our family has had to deal with your impulse control problem, I think --honestly-- you're lucky that we're being this mellow. I could have easily called and yelled at you, demanded to have passwords to your accounts, tried to cajole some kind of commitment out of you...but really all that would result in is more drama. At this point, calm, loving but firm actions are the best option.

With that in mind, I hope that we all can be kind, honest and respectful with each other as things get sorted. You're my father, and as Amber said (essentially) earlier this week, I'll never escape the love, the relationship that I have with you. The only thing that may change is the shape of that relationship. I know Min loves you as well, and both of us are open to working toward that honest, respectful relationship--but it is a good faith act. We are assuming you will also be completely honest, and respectful, with everyone in our family. Historically speaking, those have not been strong points for you when it comes to anything financial. I suppose that leads me to the last point:

4. As soon as the dust settles from the current financial crisis, I am washing my hands of any role in the finances between you and mom. The main step toward that is cancelling the bank account. At one point you threw out the idea of me being a go-between, running potential purchases past me...I don't want that responsibility or stress. You know how much money you and mom get each month; it's up to you to responsibly decide how that money is allocated.

It's also up to you to abide by whatever decisions are made. From what I gather, this point in particular has been a big problem. I'm not privy to any prior arrangements made with mom, and I don't want to know, either. The key thing is that if you know you're having trouble abiding by those agreements, you need to say something. You need to get help right away, before you risk homelessness, as you did this month. God was clearly looking out for you by providing that stimulus check this month -- I couldn't have bailed you out. As it is, you will have an extremely difficult month ahead with what little cash is left.

At any rate, to prevent things like this from happening in the future, a better process, and possibly some kind of supplemental help for you, needs to be identified. I don't know why you are still having problems with this, but it seems like it would be a good idea to get that sorted. I don't mind talking about any of that with you -- save the financial stuff, which should stay between you and mom.

I think that is enough for now. I know we will talk soon, likely this weekend.
Love to both of you,
Heather

oh and for perspective on the $...my dad only makes a little over $700/month. so, $701 is kind of a big deal.

ps. the bank account was mine, but the money was all theirs. no $ was stolen from me.

the perfect gift

2008-07-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

the other day, as i was doing research on my newest story, the internet brought me the perfect gift:

this is from my (onetime) hometown newspaper, the coquille valley sentinel. in case you're wondering, that's pronounced Ko-Keel (internets gave me that, too). other highlights from this page include "Family Goes North" and "Cookie Press Used" and a disney ad for the movie Castaways. good times!

and yes yes, i uploaded these but copyright to all the peoples said inside the master image above.

faith will play a huge role in the story. though i may not have given my religious past a lot of lip service, believe you me -- it is there in spades. as such, i've got a new picture for ya:

and as further proof, yesterday i put this song in my head, reminiscing about rocking out in the car. told you i used to roll for the big kahuna.

3 weeks without a post

2008-07-22T17:17:00.000-07:00

thanks to work and its unholy love of eye-numbing, scope-creeped css projects. so yeah, i'm alive, and i love you, but it'll probably be another week before i start being able to breathe. i had a whole day without the little monster (yesterday) but now it's back. thanks, yo.

i want to hear from you lurkers. what are you doing? why aren't i hearing about it on your blogs? if *i* can post at least once a month, so can you. consider yourself on notice!

in other news, all this work is distorting my passion for writing. any of you writers out there -- have you ever gotten wonderful feedback+praise on a piece, only to feel completely pessimistic about continuing work on said piece? that's exactly what happened to me saturday afternoon, a few hours after my writer's group. my 1st thought was, wtf? i haven't had time for many 2nd thoughts because i haven't had time to fictionalize much (see above). i am sure it's just some of that legendary neurotic writer business but still -- annoying.

finally, i want to thank longbottom for creating an iced german chocolate mocha. it is second only to the butterfingery mocha goodness in cambria and no, i don't yearn for that on a regular basis.

put ham on 5 and hold the...

2008-07-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

Mayonnaise

You tend to be a very quiet, introverted person.
You're happy to sit back and let stronger personalities shine.
You value loyalty and harmony. You try to bring people together.

Your taste in food leans toward simple comfort foods. You love holiday meals as well as old school favorites like mac and cheese.
You get along with mustard and ketchup personalities. You have an unlikely alliance with hot sauce personalities.

What Condiment Are You?

yes it's been a very, very long time since i've posted a quiz, and in belated honor of one of our more picnic-happy holidays (you know, the red-white-and-blue one last friday), i thought this condiment quiz was appropriate. i saw some of the options ahead of time, and for some reason, i knew i would be mayo...

speaking of red, i showed my patriotism sunday by turning my left hand (and part of my stomach) extraordinarily rosy when i poured boiling water over them. for any non-american readers, no, this is not a traditional celebration. i was trying to make tea, and in a freak tupperware accident, well, you can guess the rest. i promptly got it under cold water (and several times), so actually it's just mildly sensitive/pink today. only my pinkie finger is crabby to type, but thankfully there's little cause for q and z.

p.s. anyone who gets the movie quote in this post: i love you to infinity

on being nice

2008-07-02T12:27:00.000-07:00

yesterday i was in a meeting that traditionally begins by asking if anyone in the group has "opens" or open issues they need to discuss. naturally these opens are usually a problem of some sort.

p.s. i hate the term opens.

anyway, a coworker of mine says yes, she has one, and proceeds to praise me for the next 90 seconds or so. there was a huge, mind-numbing project that got split between 4 teammates and, long story short, i ended up doing approximately 80% of the project instead of my original 25%. i volunteered for that, because as i've mentioned before, my nemesis is boredom. and being me, i did that work very, very quickly. to be honest i don't really think much of that--that's just how i roll.

but because my friend a) made her declaration during a time normally tasked to problems and b) is very genuine AND effusive, this rubbed some of the 15-odd attendees the wrong way. over the next hour, several folks made snark. if person A mentioned that person B helped them with something, person C would go, 'hey, i want to hear more about how person B helped you. can you talk more about that?'

and so on. i also got called out 2 more times for various work-related proficiency by different people, and at the end of the meeting, when there are "closing opens", i was greeted with "yes, i would like to point out that heather has a really cool tshirt".

haha. after having to explain the shirt (...), i said, ok, no one gets to talk about me for a month.

because i knew that all this attention meant i was going to get teased, and not necessarily in a nice way. it's happened three times already, and each time there's this undercurrent of:

- who the hell are you anyway?
- you're so quiet--you *can't* be working as hard as *i* am
- why is nobody praising to me?

i don't mind recognition -- i am a leo, mind you -- but this left a bad taste in my mouth. and to be honest, i feel worse for my coworker. she has a sort of irrepressible but levelheaded enthusiasm that is refreshing in the workplace (perhaps i'll nickname her Sprite, or Long Island Iced Tea). she's also a little older and hopefully in this case, wise enough to withstand some mockery.

of course the saddest part is the people who felt they had to make fun of a very nice person. insecurity issues, anyone?

so much for progress

2008-06-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

since my last post, work has been bananas, and not the tasty kind, either. i have had absolutely no time to write, until this morning when a couple of servers went down. they *just* went back up, so i expect to be grinding away the rest of the day and next week. yeehaw.

meantime, in case you didn't see this all over the bloody internet the last week, there is a fabulous fun little toy out there called wordle. you take any text you want (i saw bible samples just now) and play with the words in a pretty little word cloud. for writers, it's a great way to see what you're really focusing on--in case you didn't know--and possibly, suggestions for a thesaurus.

for me, it's a way to share the stories i've been writing, but not give away too much other than potential themes. in other words, it's a way to be lazy with my blog content. so here you go.

a few words on words

2008-06-20T11:27:00.001-07:00

remember how i sort of mentioned i've started a new story? at that point, i'd written 292 words. i've been so busy, it's been hard to get out much else until yesterday, when things seemed to have slowed a bit. and between now and then i've written another 2397 words, putting me at 2689 words in around 6 hours.

that may not sound like a lot, but considering the snail's pace of my other book, this is lightning fast. it helps that i don't have to research much; i am borrowing history from several people i know, but mostly pilfering my own life to come up with a sordid bit of fiction. and yes i'm changing tons of details, protecting the not so innocent.

another oddity, for me, is stumbling into using first person instead of third (i did vs. heather did), and wow...first person is powerful, when you're talking about something painful. the emotional weight of one scene made me a little nauseous; i had to stop a couple times. i suppose that bodes well for it grabbing a reader's interest...

meantime i'm dredging up memories (mine and borrowed), and it's making me feel weird about the next time i see my parents. min says, maybe this is your way of dealing with some of your past. maybe it is. i can tell it's good to do so, but damn is it intense.

pretty-random

2008-06-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

craziness at work makes for a dull blog, and very little creative writing, which makes me a sad monkey. but in the interests of giving YOU fodder, here's a couple highlights from the last week:

get thee to a punnery
post-rapture help and - my favorite - letters and advice on procuring a post-rapture bible
how to make your AA woman happy
and finally, a new story-related picture:

is this for the story i'm over 16,000 words into? of course not.

just a little prick

2008-06-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

as promised, here is where you can find my little ficlets for june. i have two bits published, 'History Lesson' and 'Southern Discomfort'.

incidentally, 'History Lesson' was inspired after seeing some old, creepy, and strangely beautiful photographs. check it out if you like, but warning, it involves photos of the deceased.

tip: mascara and jesus don't mix

2008-05-30T05:51:00.000-07:00

unless you were tammy faye b@kker, who was so obviously *not* catholic. since i have to get to work, i'll let you work out the snark in your own head, courtesy of this lovely bit of papism.

don't you tell me what's nessa! i tell YOU what's nessa!

2008-05-29T14:32:00.001-07:00

that's the end of a line not fully quoted here, but my parents, sister and i have quoted that line probably a billion times, because this:

(other than this--what a dramatic sidebar!), was THE most-watched movie of my youth, hands down. and why am i telling you? because today is madeline kahn appreciation day and as far as i'm concerned, she is the queen of comedy, which means you all should take a moment to appreciate her genius.

and incidentally, thanks to youtube, apparently you can appreciate it from your computer. these kids, with the technology! i'm just tickled at all this newfangledness.

i could prattle on about how much this movie shaped my warped sense of humor and thus, my entire life. but you'll be bored, and i will too. just go enjoy the linkage i've already provided, and then you will also say:

HOORAY FOR MADELINE KAHN APPRECIATION DAY!

if i knew what you were saying, i'm sure i'd be offended

2008-05-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

today the internets led me here. i forget who spurred my clickage, but i know they got me with this:

which i suppose is a testament to the power of words. after laughing, i realized this is incredibly offensive. and no i don't mean, how dare the government have secrets. people in power hold onto secrets like it's viagra for the soul, and while i don't agree, i understand.

no, what is offensive is releasing documents in this condition, period. either comply with the law, and let your sordid words fly over the ether, or claim some sort of orwellian privilege and keep us in the dark. because pushing the literal dark into our faces, save out-of-context, juicy words like "water board", pretty much says you think we're idiots who can't handle the truth.

and maybe we are idiots. but snub idiots too long, and you get badly-themed shindigs. i'm just saying.

since i have been asked

2008-05-27T12:49:00.000-07:00

yes, i had a good 3-day anniversary weekend. highlights include:

free, albeit early, beethoven at a very pretty college here in the town of stumps.
a lovely walk and picnic here, and right where that first picture is, too.
to get that park, you have to go over this bridge and yes, that made me very, very happy.
silliness--tho not unusual, it is always good to highlight the zee silly.
writing. about new stories, even!
a guilt-free trip to the best bookstore ever, because we took in a crapload of books for trade. freeish money!

not too shabby, really, and today's nice and slow so i may actually get some fiction writing in. ta ta!

discussion tip #287

2008-05-23T15:53:00.000-07:00

if you're trying to win an argument (that isn't really an argument, but you've decided it is, because you're irrationally angry with the other person) then don't say something stupid like this:

By the way, inadvertent isn't actually a word. It's a null or zero word. Look it up! There's direct and indirect thought, and content & context only.

i added the link, but as you can see, inadvertent is not only a Real Word, it has a couple of meanings. but perhaps i own that website and made it up, just because i can.

on the other hand, if you want others to think you are an asshole, in addition to being mildly dense, please consider this kind of attack as your primer.

I LOVE THAI ROSES

2008-05-22T13:36:00.000-07:00

i'm sorry to shout but #66 with beef is just about the best thing EVAR and my leftover-lunching tastebuds forced me to post thusly.

that is all.

since that vitriol's out of my system now..

2008-05-21T14:13:00.000-07:00

here's some proof i've moved on.

how i generally go about making positive change. timely, eh? i love DLM. and yes, really, this is how i roll. i'm too polite to rant much elsewhere.
spaceballs, the animation! i can't wait! also good zombie and get smart info. also, i have always called a particularly cone-shaped toy of pearl's 'the cone of silence'. also, i love steve carrell.
i love these:
that is all.

friendliness is next to..

2008-05-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

this morning i was talking with a casual friend, who needed to change when we were going to meet. it also could have impacted min, and so he said, 'is your friend going to be ok with that?'

since we were talking on the phone, and his end was having a love affair with static, it wasn't until a few seconds later that i realized he said friend...not min. not partner, girlfriend, sweet baboo...friend.

i've known this guy for a couple of months. i have talked about min, and referred to her as my partner, several times. he knows that we live together, have been together for quite some time. he and i haven't discussed the nature of the universe, what makes us laugh, and by no means are we BFF, but we've shared a fair bit of our worlds and have pretended to race cars.

so it is no mistake for him to call her my friend. he is doing it intentionally. from the aforementioned conversations, i know that he has a conservative religious background (and perhaps foreground), which as many of you know, is the perfect breeding ground for homophobia.

which means, in our politically correct times, that if you think being gay is tantamount to terrorism (albeit some sort of subversive sexual terrorism), but still have gay couples in your life, you will refer to them as being friends. maybe even "special little friends".

as you might guess, this is not the first time this has happened. i've gotten very, very used to it, from medical workers to coworkers to family members. but apparently, today is the first time it really pissed me off. maybe it's because i just moved from california in time to miss out on marriage equality. maybe it's because yesterday, when another friend discovered that my 12 year anniversary with min was just around the corner (25th), she practically squealed and hugged me. or maybe it's because i've gotten used to mildly liking this guy, but now i know he's bigoted, either by choice or ignorance.

or maybe i'm just PMSing. you know, girls do that, and that certainly is a good cop-out for anyone wanting to dismiss this rant. i know it's a rant, but so what? i pay my taxes. i work 5 days a week. i make sure my pets get their medicine. i vote. i read. i exercise. i work at my relationships. i help my parents. i deserve the same respect as anyone else. that means, unless you are:

- a complete stranger
- my extremely-old-and-last-surviving-grandparent

you should use the terms i designate, because that's what respectful communication is all about. if you happen to call The Woman You Live With your wife, then that's what i'll call her, too. if you call her your partner, mate, significant other, girlfriend -- that's what i'll call her. if you call her your sweet baboo, i will laugh, but if you're serious, then i will probably call her 'the baboo' and you will laugh. and i would expect you to do the same for me. anything else is being an asshole.

i mean, think about it. i say partner, you say figment of my imagination. you're denying my reality. you're taking my word and asking me to pretend it means something else. you're trying to make me in your image, and i'm sorry, but only god gets to do that. and don't tell me you're god's megaphone. god speaks to everyone, and i can hear just fine.*

*as n approaches infinity, some corrections may be applied

the phantom premise

2008-05-16T16:11:00.001-07:00

apparently i can't write any more today. not the book, anyway, which is sad because i was really tooling along for an hour or so. i'm at 14,717 words now, i'm in the middle of a scene, with more good stuff around the corner, but apparently it's friday and i'm tapped out for now.

but i still want to do something mildly creative, so here i am. :)

incidentally, i have permanently adjusted to not really working. or to be precise, exchanging 1-4 hours per day of Actual Work in exchange for getting to write and/or fuck around. most days it's about 2 hours. since i'm getting paid to write, it will probably take a natural disaster to make me quit. so yes, i've decided this job is a true blessing.

in other news, you may have heard that oregon is one of the few states left with a primary. it's next tuesday and incidentally, ALL mail-in. this was a pleasant surprise; my last few years in cali i'd gone absentee, because i hate taking off time from work only to wait in a long line that does not involve roller coasters.

anyway, this is the first time min and i have voted for different folks. she has been a clinton supporter forever, and while there are things i admire about clinton...at the moment, the things i *don't* like about her are winning out.

and why am i telling you all this? because i hate the idea of a wasted vote. we don't have to be of one mind, not at all. but knowing that we are going to cancel each other out, it offends my political sensibilities.

in another fit of random, hot damn is it damn hot. wunderground says NINETY-TWO right now and no that is not normal for here. probably going to hit 95 in the next hour, right when i'm driving home. for the record i do not like heat. if you've met me, you can guess why. hint: i have been accused of vitamin E deficiency.

i think i'm tapped out again. let's call it monitor-induced apathonia and leave it at that. have a good weekend!

wheee!

2008-05-14T10:54:00.000-07:00

two more pieces at Pen Pricks next month! just found out. yay me!

will post a link june first, when they go up. :):)

i'm a sign (post)

2008-05-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

as you may recall, i mentioned the existence of some...unusual signs in my workplace. and by unusual, i mean for a corporate environment, at least every one i've worked in the last 15 years or so.

i have uploaded some of my favorites, but these two take the cake, in my opinion:

whenever i see this one i want to a) run with scissors and b) purchase my own stop sign, so i can smack people in the head. just like mr. bear.

stairs: the phantom menace.

in lieu of more interesting content

2008-05-07T15:24:00.000-07:00

i admonish you to stop and smell whatever's blooming nearby, just like my girl.

ketchup

2008-05-05T16:44:00.000-07:00

NOT catsup. anyway, someone around here is eating something with ketchup, and golly geewillikers if that isn't driving me absolutely crazy with wanting a burger, or fries, or something that involves that godforsaken condiment being slathered all over it. thanks to the lack of circulation in these parts, the scent of ketchup has been hovering in the air for a good hour now, i'm sure of it, and something tells me i'm getting fast food for dinner come hell or high ketchup.

foray for fifty-fivers

2008-05-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

one of the writing lists i'm on introduced me to a site called Pen Pricks, which publishes 55-word fictionettes on a monthly basis. i have an entry called "Shopaholic" - bout 3/4 down the page. there's tons of great entries, and obviously these make for a quick read, which is nice for those with no attention span.

and if you feel adventurous, submit your own! 55 words aren't that hard to churn out. although, composing *exactly* 55 words in an interesting manner...well yes, that can be tricky.

she blinded me with science

2008-04-30T15:16:00.001-07:00

in lieu of pictures, since my book hasn't changed locales for a while, i give you a portion - roughly 25% - of today's science reading. unless you have a BS (and who doesn't love BS?), or an extreme love of protein, you'll probably need a Thinking Cap. don't say i didn't warn you.

for future reference, this is proof of my extreme geekitude.

ok enough with the work, people

2008-04-29T15:47:00.000-07:00

since i'm over the 10,000 word mark, i'm trying to keep writing and these oodles of work tickets are not helping. neither is packrat, now that liz has shown me the folly of my former ways. damn you, internets!!

choose your own fairy tale adventure

2008-04-24T09:20:00.001-07:00

my version had King Charles the Superfluous. fun way to kill 5 minutes and (at least for me) walk down memory lane. i *adored* those books.

um...

2008-04-23T14:45:00.000-07:00

it's been a slow day, work wise. i actually *did* have work this morning, and a bit at lunchtime, but since i'm a little speed demon, really i've only worked, hmm, an hour today. throw in some blogreading and facebook time, and you'll see i still had plenty of time to write. today's count so far -- and it's only 243pm, people -- is 1307. that puts me at 8974 words total, and while i am happy to be making such uninterrupted progress, at the same time...apparently i can't handle doing the same thing for hours on end. i am interrupting myself, this very post a perfect representation of my inability to focus.

oh and i KNOW i already wrote about this before, but hey, bloggers have to whine sometimes, don't they? so nyah. i wonder how long i can put up with this weird schedule.

while i'm here, in other news...

- if any of you hold Good Vibes (or PrayerTix), feel free to send some to min. she is having more stupid doctor trouble.
- my eyes love attracting pollen like a presidential candidate loves wooing superdelegates.
- i work with a very nice group of people, and yesterday i found out one of them reeeally enjoys my bill moyer podcast collection. and yes, carol, that's your fault.
- this place has a love of safety signs that cannot be denied or left unmocked. i suspect a post about them lurks in my future.

ok back to writing...time for a little molecular biology, woo!

the power of boop

2008-04-22T13:55:00.000-07:00

running an errand at lunch, a white sedan behind me had the name and picture of betty b00p airbrushed onto the hood. as you can see there, this is still odd, but at least it's tastefully small. the one i saw pretty much filled the entire hood of the car. not really what i expected to see when i adjusted my mirror.

so...what message or image would you airbrush onto your car, if you had the time, inclination and, let's say, free cash to do it? i'm thinking something along the lines of R0N PAUL 08. because i also saw him at lunch, in the form of a forlorn sign littering a corporate courtyard, and i think the ol codger could use a pick me up.

someone around here is having beef stroganoff

2008-04-21T12:30:00.000-07:00

and it's not me.
*growls*

spring at my house

2008-04-12T09:58:00.000-07:00

looks thusly, according to my mediocre but still powerful cameraphone:

and in the strange but true department, yesterday on facebook i found a friend who came to our wedding, 11 years ago, because she's a friend of dharma! really this was a friend of min's, and they lost touch after we moved from montana 10 years ago, but still, that was really damn trippy. and cool.

hoping to see my parents today, and hoping my dad's leg is doing better. this infection of his isn't letting go. bleh. think good thoughts, think..

winter is cold for those with memories in my book

2008-04-08T16:36:00.000-07:00

well, it is, despite the mixed weather seen here and on my desktop:

pretty, no? word count's up to 7667 as of this afternoon - woo!

the audacity of faith

2008-04-04T12:42:00.000-07:00

me and my faith been gettin reacquainted lately, in a roundabout way. it's mostly through reading [1] [2] [3] [4], of course, but also through discussions with family and friends. for example today, as i was reading a magazine that a coworker gave me because of an article on the relationship between hope and fantasy stories, given because of an earlier discussion on science fiction, creativity and staving off boredom, the latter being a perennial topic of interest round these parts.

coworker euphemistically warned me that the mag was put out by a religious school. naturally this put me in an intrigued but defensive state. was i going to inadvertently read something homophobic? proselytizing? boring?

gilly on the boring count, and the actual article in question was rather tepid. but the featured article was on the author of this. indeed, the whole issue was centered around hope, such that i wished they'd gotten an interview with ob@ma, audaciously hopeful sort that he is. but suffice to say, this mingling of hope, faith and the particular intersection of western christianity with my own noggin has really got me thinking... what do i really believe? why? and why should it really matter?

because let me tell you, i am a hodgepodge of faiths. i'm my own spiritual melting pot. i'm sure i can attribute a lot of that to my parents, but not because forced a variety of sunday schools down my throat the first 11ish years of my life. no, it's because they encouraged me to think for myself. which means that, by the time i got to college, started living a little, taking religious classes, and learned that the bible is not really what i've always thought it is...

well, it put me into a crisis of faith that i've never quite recovered from. but over time i realized, it wasn't my faith in god that was shaken -- it was my faith in religion. and as any thinking person can tell you, religion is a construct of man. spirituality, my perception and relation to the divine as i perceive it -- that's really the only thing i can rely on.

and yes i am perfectly aware of how fluid that is, but it's *mine*, thus i can rely on it with absolute conviction. however, my amalgamated set of beliefs - and you'll note i'm not detailing them here - are starting to skew my view of religious statements to such a degree that i'm feeling a little startled.

for example, reading about a woman feeling confused after reading about gideon and moses, looking for god to give her a sign, trying to obey god's commands. my initial thoughts, in order:

1. ah, i remember being devoted and reading like that.
2. how silly! does she really think god wrote those commands?
3. this sounds a little pretentious.
4. wait, it's ok. she gets to god her way, and i get there through mine.

i suppose there's a term for this kind of uberfaith (other than uberfaith), and while it tends to create cognitive dissonance, ultimately i find it too stimulating, i believe, to proceed in any other way. that said, if any of you feel like sharing your own views on this obviously personal topic, i'd love to hear them.

then again, since i've already admitted to being an amalgam, this really shouldn't surprise you.

sumatra es yourmatra

2008-04-01T15:52:00.000-07:00

or so today's photojourney would like you to believe...

ps. zee latter locale vill be en zee buk.

ring, ring!

2008-03-31T09:19:00.000-07:00

as i am about to embark on a bananaesque journey, of the gastronomical variety, at my desk, i thought i would share the well-timed yet random discovery of salient banana facts.

also, please note the bananaphone's startling omission with a combination of respect and derision.

jesus loves us, now let's go kick some ass

2008-03-28T15:54:00.000-07:00

in case you wondered how people get ideas like that.

my heart go asplodes for you

2008-03-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

it does! oh and also, i suppose these are also part of my continuing quest for novel-related imagery.

a spot of color

2008-03-27T09:04:00.000-07:00

since my novel is *so* not ready for sharing, i thought i would share what i could: pictures. the first half of my book takes place in the distant past, and as such, i'm finding pictures of specific locales exceeeeedingly helpful in writing. once i've found an image i feel both fits the particular geography *and* mood, i make it my wallpaper and start writing all over it.

and now, in what will likely be a continuing series, here's my first three location shots, in order:

and now, some minor word amusement

2008-03-26T16:49:00.000-07:00

in the Incredibly Pleased With Myself Department: i used the word mahogany in a sentence today. a Serious sentence, mind you. but still, FlagSelfAmusementEnabled.

in the Thank God You Don't Spellcheck Department: i read a submission today with the phrase "terror fying". as in, "terror fying screams". because as everyone knows, only seriously scary screams are the result of unadulterated terror fying. also, terror fying is the #1 cause of giggling in my cube.

progress report

2008-03-26T14:41:00.000-07:00

in lieu of a rambly post, here's a general rundown on the last month.

* ~35 degree days i've been able to go *comfortably* coatless: 5
* times i've had to scrape ice off the car: 3
* hours spent researching/plotting novel: ~30
* hours actually writing: ~8
* words to date: 3571
* number of holidays (familial, cultural): 4
* hours i've spent actually working on the job: 16 (includes 12 hours of meetings)
* so, hours of not working: 127
* books read: 6 (8 by april 1)
* average book rating: 3/5
* new coffeehouses located: 1
* times i have felt grateful (this week!): 5

omg

2008-03-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

i just worked for a whole hour STRAIGHT!

also, my dad is doing better. :)

that's it. hope you are having a Good Friday.

short attention span thea-tair

2008-03-20T11:22:00.000-07:00

sure, that was a show i used to enjoy, and (i'd forgotten this) introduced me to another gem, but really, it's just a name for *me*. i am SAST incarnate, at least at work. give me a chance to focus on anything - reading, writing, actual work (what little there is), and i guarantee you that in a 15 minute period, i will have bounced between at least 4-10 app windows because WHAT'S GOING ON OVER THERE? THERE?

i think i'm bored. i also know that, as much as i enjoy getting to futz around at work, it will never feel right.

this has been going on for weeks, but not helping is anxiety about my dad. if these antibiotics don't start working soon...blegh. on his behalf, i can't think about it, other than to say bleggggh, and please hammer don't hurt him.

and what are you doing?

enough with the writing already

2008-03-18T12:28:00.000-07:00

here's a more general update, in case you were bored. although i will say, since there's still no work to be done here, i started actual *writing* yesterday and i'm already wondering if i should start on a different section. =p

saturday was the 11th anniversary of when min and i got hitched up in missoula (approximately 2/3 of the way across the photo). there was a lot more snow that day, which made it all the more surreal when we immediately vacationed in heat-wave stricken southern california. was about 90 degrees all week, i think. a nice little blur, though.

anyway, as often seems to be the case as we get older, we didn't do much smooshy stuff on the actual day, but min felt better sunday. we had some Time To Ourselves in the morning, then took off for (brief) jaunts in two parks, one of which had a rabbit, which is one of our little mascots. we took a scenic route to the surprisingly steep second park, and upon changing elevation a mere 50 feet or so, realized, wouldn't it be great to ditch and just go get lunch?

so we went to marcos, which i have glorified here before, and had a very tasty lunch, followed by a drive down to salem. we visited with my parents for a few hours, discussing all nature of reality shows, religion, health, and science fiction. all in all, a pretty typical parental conversation. then some dinner, where they treated us (happy anniversary/st patrick's!) to way too much food at mcgrath's.

incidentally, those of you who believe in prayer/good vibery, feel free to send some to my dad. a week and a half ago, he was hospitalized for cellulitis [mild ick]. they gave him some SuperAntibiotics -- this is after two weeks at home on pedestrian antibiotics -- and sent him home a few days later. apparently, the infection was not really gone. his left leg is all angry again, fever, the whole nine yards, so my mom's taking him back to the ER today. their doctor tried a few additional things last week but said if that didn't work, he might lose his leg. i'm guessing this is because my dad has diabetes and this, among other things, but suffice to say, this is a bit of an uphill battle, so again, feel free to radiate the good energy towards the tiny hamlet of salem, oregon, particular nexus of my dad.

with that, i'm going out for lunch because i screwed up the one i brought with me. and in case you're wondering, no i don't have a french press yet, thanks!

[citation not really needed]

2008-03-13T15:48:00.000-07:00

if you're researching a novel that will have at least a cursory basis in fact, seeing lots of ^{[citation needed]} references within relevant wikipedia articles is really really cool. why?

because no one can call you a liar. there's no proof, man! no citation available! bwahaha!

i mean, what a shame that no one has documented these things! sad.

excuse me while i start creating some "facts".

fyi

2008-03-12T15:47:00.001-07:00

outlining a book is a weird kind of tedium. it's exhilarating, actually, because your mind is going a million miles a minute thinking through the possibilities. but then when you stumble into a messy point of logic, or realize that you've already seen that plot point on tv/film a few times, it can be a little frustrating, coming up with That New or Mostly New Idea.

i wouldn't trade it for anything though. well, ok maybe for a couple things, but at any rate, it certainly beats working, which i'm still not doing yet. i hear that's coming next week. :-p

twisteez

2008-03-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

apparently i am all about the twists, when it comes to writing. you see the words 'strand' and 'shoulder', most immediately think of a person. their hair, their body, something like that. and i thought that, too, but then i waited a minute. i stared at the words. then i thought, what about being stranded on a highway shoulder? and from that (and the rest of the prompt) i wrote a fun little snippet yesterday. full of twists and dark humor, which are apparently my native tongues.

taking a moment, to see where my mind pushes me, seriously feels like the best ever. as another example, i just spent the last hour looking through writing prompts. because, you know, i'm here at work and bored shitless, so i'm harvesting writing prompts. i had a lot saved up in bloglines because, apparently, i have trouble writing on min's computer. and my computer is not hooked up yet. haven't found the power cord yet. oops.

anyway, because of this, i haven't been reading anything from my bloglines 'writing' folder. until today, since i'm writing at work, and so i found this.

oh, interesting, i thought. and then a moment later, a twist on that idea had me practically chomping at the bit to write a full blown story. people, i do not write full blown stories. i write snippets. i don't have the patience to write a book. at least, that's how i feel 99% of the time. it will be interesting to see how far this progresses but suffice to say:

this feeling rules.

FlagCreativeWritingAtWork

2008-03-10T16:23:00.000-07:00

Enabled, which yes, is weird. i’d rather, i don’t know, work. but in the meantime – yes, tres cool.

a night for the ladeez

2008-03-10T12:18:00.001-07:00

work has me in limbo yet again, partly due to my new status, partly due to external issues thwarting regular progress for many folks. which leaves me in a space where i could either read (on the computer, since i forgot my book), or write. i'm tired of reading, apparently, so here's the first in a possibly lengthy series of random posts from yours truly.

last night had 2 great things: my mom, and good food. it is always so wonderful to see her; even when she's miserable, she's still silly and smiling. no wonder pearl loves her more than us. seriously -- she follows my mom to the bathroom.

after catching up for a little bit, we tried to pick a movie and although no one was crazy about it, settled on this, which was playing at the laurelhurst. first, though, was to eat, and being in the mood for japanese, a little research landed us at masa east.

this was seriously some of the best japanese food i've ever had in my life, and having lived in the bay area, i've had some damn good japanese. i had this udon-shitake-scallop soup that was incredibly dreamy. the decor was adorably hip, all of the food so incredibly divine, and the entrees were all around $10. we will absolutely be going back.

incidentally, if you're in the mood for chinese food, do not go to mandarin palace in sw portland off allen. that is the worst faux chinese i've had in decades, so thank god we didn't pay much for it (coupon).

anyway, our tummies delightfully sated, we headed up to the laurelhurst. i had been there several times in my youth, and surprisingly it still looked pretty good... for a secondrun theatre. standing in line to buy tickets, i notice the SOLD OUT sign for our movie. crap. only thing left is some old guys...well, it won some awards, we're here already, it's only been playing for 5 minutes, let's give it a whirl.

so we whirled on into our designated room, apparently after the Impetus For The Entire Film had transpired. luckily min caught the end of it (mom and i had been acquiring liquid sustenance) and filled us in, not that it really mattered, because this movie? a little weak. i will give plenty of kudos to the actual acting. all the major characters, and most of the minor ones, gave pretty solid performances. but the writing, even the art direction...too predictable. there was an occasionally interesting turn of phrase, but that's about it. and the ending, well it was just awkward and sad. realistic, i suppose, and i don't need to have a happy ending for my movies but... i don't know, it just felt like they didn't know how to bow out.

i believe i've mentioned there is a DQ 2 blocks from my house. i also believe i've mentioned regular attendance is compulsory. thus, we stopped for drive-thru dessert, which we enjoyed at home so that pearl could alternately dance all over us and beg, an activity with which we happily complied.

and then i cursed myself for the late-night sugar high, because it took me two hours to go to sleep. even so, as you can see, i'm coherent today. well, at least enough to pretend i am.

a spot of ramble

2008-03-09T15:19:00.000-07:00

it was another quiet week at work, with more spells where i actually got to read a book. even weirder, apparently such spells are not abnormal. once i get into a non-training schedule, it will be interesting to see if i can actually write at work. in the meantime, i'm getting paid to read and play scrabulous, plus do a little work, and that ain't shabby, folks.

it's been a mellow weekend too, haven't felt well, but my mom is coming up so we can grab a bite and possibly a movie. probably a 2nd run, still not a lot of scrilla, but it shouldn't be hard to top the last movie i saw, which was the worst book rendition i've ever seen. the book? great. the movie, holy kiwi.

have any of you been in a writing group? i'll be joining one shortly, one that's just starting, and so if you have any advice, give it up. i'm looking forward to some writing accountability -- i know it's the only way i'll write on a regular basis, despite *thinking* about writing every single day. so here's to some caffiene-punctuated progress, since we're meeting at the home of my favorite coffee dispenser, borders.

and what's up with the rest of you? some of you've been a little quiet lately. snowflake's the only one getting a pass, since she hurt her back, poor thing. but the rest of you - speak up!

all in a week's work

2008-03-02T11:09:00.000-08:00

[written friday morning]

well it's not even 10am and i'm bored. in fact, i've been bored since i got here 2 hours ago, during which i've had 1 hour of legal compliance training and 1 hour of random but worksafe web surfing to keep me busy. i have potentially hours to waste before my next task -- a test "sometime" today. which means this is a great time to write about my inaugural week here.

the first thing i noticed about being in this office is that it feels *really new*. as in, 'huh? i'm not at my old job?' and repeatedly catching myself from saying FormerCompanyName instead of NewCompanyName.

the second thing i noticed was the lack of free coffee. I AM NOT KIDDING. turns out there is barely passable machine-dispensed caffiene at the other end of this floor for 65 cents, and crappy coffee in the cafe for $1.20, which means i am looking into buying a french press, people. if you have suggestions, toss 'em over; i've never used one but i'm desperate. there *is* a st@rbucks a mile away but that's too pricey considering my intake quotient.

so. for work itself, naturally i've been bored off my ass. i forgot how brutally slow one's first few weeks can be what with setup and training and waiting for busy supervisors to set things up in a timely fashion. and i mean brutal because i have NADD.

i will say though, that monday also included the weekly staff meeting where i got to see how excellent our group's demographics are. young, old, mixed races, genders and (looks like) economic status. coming from several years of rather homogonized yuppified workplaces, well, this is refreshing.

there's been technical and style tests, sure, but also the amount of cheesy compliance training, wow. for example, ethics. i've always maintained that any reputable ethics course will include a calvin coolidge quote. anyone who says otherwise is probably a communist. another good axiom: how do you know the right thing to do? because it's the right thing to do.

it is this kind of logic that leads late night comedians to invent faux fights during a writer's strike.

the other thing to note, i'm sure, has a perfectly valid business reason behind, but is nonetheless disturbing. there are apparently two main types of employees here, and respectively, we have different badges to prove it. i happen to be part of the lower caste (LC) and as such, am forbidden from certain areas. this is in addition to any super-secret areas, mind you, from which plenty of folks are forbidden. no, i am talking about certain rows of the cubicle farm, with warnings that LCs can only enter with a proper escort. and rooms like the fitness center. seriously people - don't you want us ALL to be healthy?

my favorite one, though, was this morning. in looking to kill time, i was browsing the intranet, reading about new company features, etc, and oh look! company blog! that's a good way to amuse myself. but wait! access forbidden because you are an LC. that's right, even my computer knows i'm an LC.

which is pretty damn funny to me because i've read corporate blogs before and i can't believe these would be any full of anything other than the self-congratulatory hot air those blogs are prone to.

even though this leaves me with a lovely separate but mostly equal dichotomy, i am still very grateful to be here. everyone is very nice, and the work, when it finally arrives, looks to be manageable. bring on the scrilla, man.

a query

2008-02-28T06:09:00.001-08:00

peeples, how does it get to be 530 in the #*(&$#@ morning already every day? didn't i JUST go to sleep? i ask you.

a more informative post about my return to work will come soon. probably on the weekend, considering my track record for extracurricular activities thusfar. woo.

your bitter ray of sunshine

2008-02-22T09:50:00.001-08:00

thanks to rpp and a lack of recent quizzes, i bring you heatherweather, which apparently is conducive to eclipses:

You Are Sunshine

Soothing and calm
You are often held up by others as the ideal
But too much of you, and they'll get burned

You are best known for: your warmth
Your dominant state: connecting

What Type of Weather Are You?

a bit of color is good for you

2008-02-18T14:57:00.000-08:00

be it goodies a mile down the road, or pretties from my front yard:

seriously, if you live in the portland area, you have to check marco's cafe out. i just had the best lunch ever, and it was just a sandwich and coffee.

incidentally

2008-02-14T16:21:00.000-08:00

why yes, valentine's day is the purrrfect time to take down your christmas tree!

on that note, this has been the most fragrant (in a good way), long-lasting tree i've ever had.

if you adore 80's and/or country music, you should seriously consider moving to portland. that or, if you prefer to HUNT for new music on the radio, portland is also a great option.

it is so friggin gorgeous, and i am so utterly happy to be here, that sometimes i can hardly breathe, and yes i felt that way before i got the job. although the incessant jobsearch did drag me down, that happiness was still there.

that is all!

it me, trendsetter

2008-02-14T05:37:00.000-08:00

snowflake, identifier of trends and master of scrabulous, wins the prize for identifying an uptick in my direction on the very day that the circle became complete, which is to say:

i got a job. =)

and yes, that is a collective sigh of relief that you're now hearing.

the good news:

i got a job!

a permanent one, even!

at a Big Company! normally i wouldn't care about that, but in our current economy, and certainly within this particular company, that equals more job security.

apparently they are very fond of potluck lunches. free food, always good news.

my new job title includes the word "author".

the mediocre news:

the pay, especially compared to what i'm used to from californy, but still, a liveable salary for up here

the very specific hours (8-5). and i'm whining because i have been SPOILED for the last THREE YEARS, where i normally rolled into work around 1030am. i told you - spoiled.

despite being an "author", the only thing i should be writing is code. yes, code. however, it looks to have junior-level code requirements, so thank god for that. let's just say, there were no interview questions about javascript, and that made me a *very* happy camper.

oh and this is interesting, apparently this place is soooo security conscious that i literally will not step on-site until all my hiring paperwork is complete. as proof, i had my in-person interview at st@rbucks. how can you argue with coffee ubiquity? so i didn't, and the four of us had a very nice, caffeinated chat.

since apparently i am practicing for getting up early (i woke up around 330 today), i decided to, upon proper alertness, alert you all to the good mews. so there you have it, and now i'm off the hook to post for at least a week. ;-)

just kidding

2008-02-05T22:48:00.000-08:00

about that other car. turned out, after going through the dealer's shop, that it needed major suspension work. enough to exceed the value of the car. oops.

this is what happens when you get the 'so fresh it hasn't been inspected yet' vehicles.

so, they kept their eye out for us. we came by another time, for another dud, but in the end, we ended up scoring this baby from another dealer entirely:

(bigger)

well, imagine that with 4 doors instead of 2, but yes, that's our little cutie pie and we're totally in love with it so far. a 96 p0ntiac grand @m that just floats along the road.

also, some progress in the medical dept for min, in terms of doctors and trust me that had been a disaster. we lucked into a new, wonderful fellow who's doing a fabulous job taking care of her. not hard to beat the idiots who'd been on board the last few weeks. :-p

in other good news, i had a job interview monday. a single one instead of the many i'd been getting last month, but better than zero. think healthy employment thoughts, eh? i sure need 'em.

in case you wondered

2008-01-30T14:23:00.000-08:00

if you have a dairy queen a mere block from your house, you are required to visit it for a tasty morsel at least once a week.

that is all.

good thing i'm not addictive

2008-01-27T00:46:00.000-08:00

since i'm still not posting much. you can chalk that up to being more than a little stressed and busy trying to manage my current financial, automotive and employment status. surprise surprise.

well, while i am still without a job, and feeling inordinately frustrated about how long that's taking (and the dwindling opportunities), i am happy to report unexpected progress in the other two categories. out of the blue, a week ago my mom's disability (ssi/ssdi) application got approved, hallelujah! this was out of the blue because, for example, they'd previously said she had to fill out additional paperwork (a few months ago) and my mom hadn't done it yet.

thank god for goverment redundancies, because they approved it anyway, and she got her backpay just a few days ago. this led my parents to loan us some major scrilla -- enough to last us a couple months AND get a replacement car... to replace our saturn, yes, but also the car they'd already lent us...yes, THEIR only car, and no i didn't ask for any of that! we were having dinner with my mom and she said, 'i knew there was only one reason for this money to come now. it came for you.'

i really don't like entertaining what we'd have had to do if this money had NOT come. so i won't. i will just say thank you, thank you so much, and try to keep being worth this kind of reward.

i wanted to get a replacement car quickly for two reasons:

1. my parents deserve their car back, especially since it takes us 45 minutes to get there if an errand needs a'runnin.
2. i hate driving their car. it's old, and it complains every way it can, routinely offending some combination of visual, auditory and olfactory senses.

being the penny pincher that i am, i had initially planned to spend only a thousand bucks on a new car. yes i know that means i'd get a crappy car. i don't care, i just need one to last a few months til i can get another one. well, long story short, we spent closer to 2, and this is what we got instead:

it's a 95 0ldsmobile aurora and yes it comes with the sunny backsplash. after all, it does rain here. it's not in perfect condition -- it is old, and has more miles than i'd like -- but for the most part, and especially for its age, it does seem in rather shiny condition. it's being prepped for final departure from the dealer, who's giving it a tune-up and finessing other fiddly bits before turning it over to us next week. i have never heard of a dealer doing this on a used car, but it's made me very glad we went there instead of Joe's Used Car Lot, where the surprises would come a la carte, post-purchase.

so. i'm tired, and barring the lack of job or (yay) medical issues in our household (which i am too annoyed to elaborate on), i'm happy. i'm happy and i feel incredibly grateful to be here, and to know that LBJ is surely keepin' an eye out for me and mine. and with that i'm going to bed to read. :)

enjoying the silence?

2008-01-15T08:08:00.000-08:00

i know, after a bout of touretting i've been silent for 10 days. you can chalk that up to:

- a plethora of job interviews. a very good reason to be silent, no?
- listing, selling, packaging and shipping a variety of books, cds and dvds, to earn some scrilla
- a car accident

no one is hurt except for the car, which is in the shop as we speak. this happened friday night whilst min was making her way to whole f00ds. she was at a 3-way stop and apparently one of these people felt it was taking too long to go, so the person behind them (90 degrees to m's right) zipped around and plowed into the right side of our car.

thank god i stayed home, since that's right where i'd have been sitting.

the best part is that due to some credit card snafus (which some of you may recall), it turned out our car insurance had lapsed. not that we knew that at the time, though that's just for the best since she'd have been ticketed for it. it's being remedied now but suffice to say, we'll have to pay to get the car fixed, instead of insurance paying. this is doing wonders for my budding ulcer, in case you were curious.

i wasn't going to write about all this yet - maybe wait until tomorrow, which is currently unbooked - but the morning interview i had scheduled was cancelled on account of ice. which makes it the perfect time to blab to the internet.

and how are you doing?

for those who are about to withdraw, i salute you

2008-01-05T23:22:00.000-08:00

i landed on the couch, with my dinner, around 715pm tonight, and went in search of something to hold my attention while munching.

normally political debate does not hold my attention. while i enjoy political discussion now and then (and political lampooning, always), it's usually boring as shit.

but tonight's new hampshire debate was not. it was insightful, smart, ridiculous, fascinating, and all around entertaining, in more ways than one.

and now, a 30-second summation of each candidate's performance.

THE LONG-SNOUTED TRUMPETERS
(Giganticus Elephantia Republicannis)

McCain - Way to call Romney a liar, to his face. I call Celebrity Death Match!
Thompson - Go back to acting, where you can only ramble due to a bad script. Please.
Paul - Maybe you should try acting. Have Thompson get you a gig on L&O, and you can ramble together. I like you for a passionate prosecutor who throws the case due to sudden-onset Alzheimer's.
Romney - Congratulations on your ability to deflect/not answer questions until you've been asked them 10 times! That takes skill, man.
Huckabee - Good thing your name stands out. Not much else does.
Giuliani - I know about terror and healthcare and zzzZZZZ

THE HEE-NAWS
(Melodromaticus Donkeyito Democratinum)

Edwards - Congratulations on announcing the Edwards-Obama ticket!
Obama - Congratulations on announcing the Obama-Edwards ticket!
Richardson - Are you through yet? I can't tell when you've finished a thought.
Clinton - Thanks for letting us see your feelings -- the good ones, and the not-so-flattering ones, too.

thank god for the political process. four hours of entertainment, for free! well, after sponsorship by facebook, abc and someone else, but hey, if the corporations and celebrities don't bring me my candidates, then i don't know how i'm supposed to make an informed decision.

yay for the free market!

reason #4007 i love futurama

2008-01-05T12:35:00.000-08:00

4007. morbo and kittens

the daily grind

2008-01-04T11:31:00.000-08:00

this morning i did something i rarely do -- i called a company i interviewed with a few weeks back, to see what the status was. i had been told, while there, that i'd be contacted before the end of the year. i really wanted this job, so in case they passed on me (and being january now, i assumed they had), i wanted to see if they thought there was some area i could improve in, for future openings in this area. i have had a positive response to this before, so i figured what the hell.

turns out the hiring for that position was frozen. and they were going to hire four people! while that sucks a lot for me of course, in a way i almost feel just as bad for them. you thought four people were coming, and now you get zero. nyah nyah.

they did tell me that the hiring might thaw next month, so that's good. meantime i continue, as ever, the elusive search for employment, and as i look through the mediocre postings today, i find that nothing moves me. oh, don't get me wrong, after i finish this post i'll be applying to four positions. but i can't get excited about them (one i could, if only it were FT), and maybe it's that coupled with knowing this next week i have two interviews for web hackish positions (which i'm also having difficulty feigning interest in) that's just making this morning a bit bummerish.

i'm glad my parents are coming over today for a belated new year's of grubbing, gaming, and giggling. i can tell i need it.

merry new year!

2007-12-31T22:02:00.000-08:00

if you get that quote, then i love you a little extra.

new year's eve is a time to reflect on the past year. well, that and get drunk. you will have to BYOB, but in the interests of efficiency, i am going to reflect on a very narrow window, a.k.a. November's Adventures, albeit in a slightly truncated fashion. i wrote most of these bits out weeks ago now, and frankly i'm a little bored with them. they do have a lot to live up to, though, what with the excitement of actually getting *to* oregon.

and now, the short, short version (at least parts of it):

sat nov 10 - moved to la quinta inn, wilsonville. saw some reeeeally crappy houses off of hwy 26.

sun nov 11- under clouds whose bark was worse than their bite, unloaded the monstrosity into a storage unit, with the help of 3 wonderful fellows from craigsliszt (CL, i love you!). turned in the monstrosity with gigantic sighs of relief.

sidebar: there just started being some POPping outside. it took me about 5 minute to figure out those were fireworks. am i tired? you be the judge.

mon nov 12 – hopped up, got some stellar (not kidding) free breakfast at the hotel, then set to house hunting! I was very annoyed because we didn’t leave til 2pm, and it starts getting dark around 430. hello northerners!

Our first stop was in Portland, near Tigard off 217. we’re driving along and oops – missed our turn. Make a left into the next street, to turn around, when hello! There’s a house for rent right at the corner. Actually a duplex, a nice looking, cream-colored townhouse, and the half not facing busyish oleson road.

Naturally we go to check it out. The first thing we noticed was an adorably landscaped garden. It was filled with a dozen or so bird houses, creeping ivy, berried shrubs, moss (I love you), and a winding path leading to a (Japanese elm? Maple?) tree, framed around a deck with aridondack chairs and hundreds of minature gold, orange and red leaves blanketing the entire scene. From the deck we could see the kitchen, dining/living room, bedroom plus staircase leading to at least one more bedroom (2, turned out). It was light, airy, vaulted ceilings, a fireplace and as a package, entirely cozy.

So, charmed, m called the # listed outside. 3br, 1.5ba AND affordable. No pets? How about you think up the most you might need to repair pet damage, and we’ll pay that as a deposit? Ok then! We’ll leave our rental resume for you under the locked breezeway.

Oh now it looks like there are a couple of tweaks needed to said resume. Specifically, a cover letter and a few minor changes. Plus, we needed more copies for other folks. So, down to kinko’s (saw one en route, woo!) to finish our paperwork.

Which was all a necessary evil but by the time we were all done and that dropped back off, it was after 5 – too dark to see any more. Did we go to the hotel? Visit my parents? God knows.

tues/weds nov 13/14 - more house- and job-hunting, which included:
- crappy houses
- beautiful houses
- getting lost
- signing away our life on credit releases, etc
- finally seeing the loser cabin we'd been headed to on monday. tip: it is not good when you can smell mildew from the outside.
- got turned down for the job i'd interviewed for the previous thursday, however, would i mind interviewing tomorrow at 9am for a junior version of that job? sigh. ok.
- called back a guy who'd called me 3 weeks prior (an interview i'd had to reschedule due to our bank snafus), and got a new interview - 1pm - for the same position.

and with that, i will wish you all the best for 2008, during which i promise to wrap up this saga.

another year of a-muse-ment

2007-12-25T23:32:00.000-08:00

somehow fitting to have a pun in there. anyway, i finally found a meme i could get behind, from rpp. i don't have to think (which is great, since it's late), i only have to collect data in a bizarrely meaningful fashion. so without further adieu, here are the first lines from the first post of each month this year:

January: thanks to rashenbo:
February: lately i have been completely overwhelmed with a desire to return home. and by home, i mean oregon.
March: i'm sure it's all those answers about reading books that did me in...
April: this just in!
May: in my last post i mentioned someday writing a book based on my particular brand of crazy.
June: i got this from wen the other day.
July: although i am, in fact, working on my boston post.
August: it can happen, folks. at least in your head.
September: that was the title of the skype chat we had going all night during last week's live code push at work, and yes i came up with the title, and yes i purposely mispelled kegger.
October: i am tired.
November: i'll post a more comprehensive update in the future, of course, but suffice to say:
December: as evidenced by this shot:

from this i surmise i need to work on my use of colons, and also stop doing memes or quizzes at the beginning of the month. anyway, if anyone is interested in doing this, consider yourself tagged!

and now you'll have to excuse me, i'm off to finish watching the lovely dana scully and fall asleep. night!

The Great Escape '07 (part 3)

2007-12-24T11:15:00.000-08:00

before i dive into this, i hope you all are having a wonderful holiday season! i am having a wonderful one so far, replete with homemade sugar cookies (a bout at mom's, with much silliness), a couple of santa drivebys and (today) cleaning+tree trimming. pretty good set there.

ok, back to the misadventures. heads up, the previous two days were more exciting, but still, it's good to write this out. =)

Wed nov 7 – I slept so hard, I don’t remember sleeping. But as usual, I was the first one up, so I checked on the kitties – cozy in a very large bathroom – and took pearl out.

Her goal: place the Pearl Stamp of Approval on the grass
My goal: See if I was still the jam in someone’s Unwieldy Truck Jelly Roll.

My 18-inch neighbor was vamanos – yay! However the horse buggy was still right next to me, which left me hoping they would checkout today before 11am. Which they did, thank the Jesus. Oh and before we left, I got a call moving my Thursday interview in Portland (yes, the next day, yes I didn’t mention this interview before) from 4pm to 3pm. Ok fine.

When we finally hit the road around 11, I notice my arms are still so damn sore from moving/packing that I feel like I can barely hold onto the wheel. And oh, do I have to hold on! That thing was so damn sensitive, I had to correct constantly. And yes, except for a minor blip (tune in later), I did all the driving. Min was sansa-driving license, remember?

We stopped in Redding (?) for some warmer clothes for m, and interview clothes+shoes for me (all packed, of course), at a fabulously fashionable walmart. Considering my aversion to polyester and rayon, I think I fared pretty well. Oh, and got a better cat litter box. M had got a ‘travel’ one – hey, we’re traveling – but did not take into account dolce’s penchant for Vigorous Self Expression. I’d cleaned the Vigorous Aftermath that morning, so when we pulled into wallyworld I nicely commanded her to get a litter box with a lid.

By the time we finished it was about 630 and I was stressed. We *had* to get to Salem tonight – interview tomorrow! Bleh. We tooled over to mcd’s for some grub and then with min at the wheel (me: just a wee bit tired), we headed north once again.

Somewhere between Medford and Roseburg we began to get low on gas. Being as a) you can’t pull in just anywhere with a beast like this, b) there’s very few gas stations along that route, c) especially when it’s after 10pm, let’s just say there were severall unsuccessful rounds, resulting in numerous prayers.

OH and right around then, pearl started panting like crazy, shaking and periodically tapping on arms. The last bit means she wants something, like to go outside. Ok fine. We stop. No puppy action. After a bit I theorize it’s the truck, the movement. She wants us to stop, period.

Which isn’t happening so all we can do is try to soothe her, and that sort of worked. When we finally rolled into Roseburg on fumes, and it took 15 minutes alone – and about $150 – to fill up the tank, plus bathroom/food breaks for everyone, we ended up with a half hour break and a completely mellowed pearl. Thank god.

I got back at the wheel and was perfectly alert, and pearl perfectly mellow, until about 20 minutes before salem. We made it though, and couldn’t figure out where to park the truck at first, but Crosslands Hotel Lobby Man said the semis usually fit out back. Back? After we finished I looked and though I had to navigate a narrow entrance, out back was plenty big.

And thus, by about 2am, we were all packed away into the hotel room, on our way to snoozville.

Thu nov 8 – Interview’s at 3, but I got up at 9. Why? Because before then I had to:

- Find out if I could return the car tow dolly in salem. If yes, yay! If not, have to figure out where in Portland, and do THAT today, because I could NOT drive and park the whole caboodle downtown.
- Turn in the dolly in salem – yay!
- Repark the de-dollied truck
- Get some SBC goodness (hello!)
- Go to a kinko’s to 1) print copies of my resume, which thank god I’d thought to send to my gmail acct before I left, and 2) map how to get to my interview
- Get lunch
- Drive the 45 min/hour to the interview, making sure to get there about 20 minutes early (just in case)

I actually got there 30 minutes early, which was fine since I like having time to go over the job description and resume just beforehand. It also gave me time to come up with a brilliant idea on how to deal with the credit card I’D JUST LOST. Yes, the same one that was our ONLY one. Those friggin mediocre pants from wallyworld – very shallow pockets. Which is why I put only the card in there, not my whole wallet. Which is why it still fell out, though.

Anyway – brilliant idea? Get my mom’s card. Because a couple of years ago I opened an account for my mom, with my name on it. I forget why she doesn’t have her name on it – odd. But since the account’s mine, my name everywhere, presto! Problem solved until my replacement card can arrive.

The interview went fine. The recruiters met me there ahead of time – nice guys, if mildly tense. Sort of like salesmen, hoping the deal goes through. Makes sense, I guess, I just never had recruiters meet me at an interview site. And the people in the office – also mildly tense. Cordial, rather than friendly. I could tell some of my answers weren’t thrilling my interviewer (it is pointless to lie in an interview, in my opinion) but other answers were quite bewitching. Who knew localization was such a hot topic?

So, a mixed bag. Afterwards I headed to Salem, where we planned to meet my parents at mcgrath’s. Turned out it was just my mom – dad was too sick. It was so good to see her, to know we were here for good, that this was the first of many meals. M and my mom commiserated a lot about their state of being – both sick, in completely different ways, but the result is the same. They both struggle a great deal with who they used to be – ‘power women’ – and how they barely have the energy (physical or otherwise) to do much anymore.

I felt really glad for the both of them, that they’d just had an informal group therapy session. It’s hard to talk to other people about these things – even for me, as a spectator, it’s sometimes draining on an awfully personal, pervasive level. And I’m not even the incapacitated one. Anyway, we talked til I was falling asleep, then drove back to the hotel. Zzzzzzzzzz

Fri nov 9 – Honest to god I don’t remember the first half of this day. The first thing I recall is arranging to meet my parents at marie calendar’s for a late lunch, about 230. At 245 my mom calls to say dad has fallen and he can’t get up. Seriously. Ambulance en route. She says not to follow yet – she’ll call after he gets seen in the ER.

So, we ate, then went to the thrift store I’d noticed earlier, because if we thought it was cold in redding, holy shit it was freezing in salem. It was just in the 40’s but hello! Came from where it was in the 70’s. and sunny instead of freezing, windy rain. So, time to get m a bigger coat – a great one actually, for just $15. While there, my mom called to say that dad had broken his hip. They’d operate tonight but didn’t know when yet, so she’d call again after he (likely) got moved to a room and we could visit.

Bout an hour later – round 7 – we were back at the hotel when my mom’s call came in. M was getting sleepy, so I went by myself and got there a little after 8. Why so long? Because en route, I stopped at kinko’s. On Sunday we needed to unload the behemoth into a storage unit, and no way I was doing that by myself. I posted on CL, then called my mom to see if she needed dinner. Yep. So I popped over to wendy’s and got us some grub, then headed over to the hospital.

My poor dad. He hadn’t been given any pain relief for about about 5 hours, which doesn’t sound like a lot unless you’ve, I don’t know, broken a hip and normally have a shitload of pain on a daily basis already. Apparently they kept waiting for the pharmacy to actually fill the order. Great, thanks.

Meantime they put his leg in traction (woo, more pain!) and kept waiting to hear when surgery would happen. Lots of buzzing about, who knows what’s happening, but my dad was suuuper chatty, which is not like him. Adrenaline/distraction, I guess. He went on and on about what a great day he and min had one time, down in santa cruz, probably 2 years ago. You be sure to tell her I said that, ok? Ok! And that was the last thing he said before they wheeled him out, because hello! Aaround 930 a tech suddenly came to whisk him away for surgery. Alright, guess we’re on!

I walked downstairs with my mom, hugged her goodbye and then drove back to kinko’s again. Why? Because in those 2 hours or so, I must’ve gotten 20 calls about loading help on Sunday, and I had to stop my phone from incessantly ringing, so I deleted the CL post. On the way back to the hotel, I felt like I could hardly think, I was so exhausted. So guess what happened? Zzzzzzz

ah, bibliophilia

2007-12-16T21:08:00.000-08:00

i love the library.
books upon books
any and all for me
and ALL for free, provided i return (or renew!) them accordingly.

i was let loose for 20 minutes and gleefully came home with 8 books in a variety of genres. pure bliss, i tell you.

p.s. yes, i know i'm a geek. the trick is being enough of a book whore that i don't mind being called a geek.
p.p.s. yes, i've mastered that trick.

the difference between $9/hr and...

2007-12-15T22:31:00.000-08:00

well let's just say "significantly more than $9/hr", which for now represents my "normal going rate". anyway, i am at that point where, as long as a temporary job is close by (less than 10 miles, let's say) and parking is free, i'm willing to take a drastic, temporary pay cut so that we have money for things like, i don't know, food.

yes, next month's rent is covered. so are a few other things for the next several weeks, so we're ok, and i'm working very hard, as you might guess, to get a "regular" job. have an interview scheduled next week with someone very Technologically Prominent, so think lots of good thoughts for me. but in the meantime, in order to have a merry - instead of somewhat begruding - christmas, i've procured a temporary gig for a whopping $9/hr.

are you loving the run-on sentence fetish i apparently have tonight? i know i am.

anyway, i'm two days into this (supposed) four day gig and as you might guess, it involves some manual labor so suffice to say, i am tired. why'm i writing then? well apparently i feel a need to write, but also take a break from The Great Moving Escapades of 2007. although in another way, this is part of all that, too.

so. first temporary gig was supposed to be gift wrapping. i really liked the idea of that, because a) it was from 330-midnight, allowing me to interview during the day if i chose, b) i ADORE gift wrapping and c) i am good at it. however, that job was cancelled the next day (way to plan ahead). that same next day (confused?), there was a post for letter stuffing.

amazingly, this is something i have experience with, and no i am not talking about cramming a day's junk mail into one envelope en route to the garbage. a billion (ok, 9) years ago, in november, after we moved to california from montana and were struggling to find regular employment, our temp agency called with a great-sounding opportunity -- good scrilla for letter stuffing.

the job was in santa cruz, in a dark, drafty old barn (right around here, for those of you familiar with the area), and btw drafty is a euphemism for "bone-chillingly cold and persistent gusts of wind".

to add to its charm, this job was accompanied by
- surly employees
- overbearing, nitpicking and even surlier managers
- a dearth of chairs

this last item in particular, plus the poor ergonomic planning overall, was the real killer. i worked my ass -- well, arms, fingers and back -- off for 4 hours and finally had to call it quits. the repetitive motion with the arms, sure that sucks. reaching all the time, yeah that's difficult, too, if you're doing the same thing over and over. but also while standing in a 3 foot space? with no seat or break? and managers hovering constantly in the darkness behind you?

so you can see why i might've approached this job with some trepidation. but i am very happy to say that the only thing these two jobs seem to have in common is that there is letter stuffing-related activities going on. the boss man here, very mellow. there's a plethora of chairs, room -- and time -- to work, we got the tunes going, and for the most part, my cohorts (3 others were hired at the same time) are delightful to work with. i think it's the 'most part' bit that probably has me writing tonight, really, and here's why:

yesterday (day 1), when we came back from lunch, the very nice woman (VNW) i'd been working with asked, 'did i eat?' i was a little startled - i'd told her earlier that i brought my lunch - but replied, 'yep!'

VNW then went and asked the lone male cohort (LMC) if he had eaten over the break.

no, LMC said, shaking his head.

VNW proceeds to offer half her sandwich to LMC. he accepts, and as he munches, i swear his face was sheer gratitude. i then immediately thought of the furniture we still need help moving upstairs (feel free to laugh), and of possibly offering him $20 - when this job ends - to come and serve as moving muscle for a (maximum) hour's worth of work. tried to get someone before but they flaked so - hey, i'll give it to someone who's more desperate, yeah? i mean, he doesn't even have enough food to eat.

this (observing) was my sole interaction with LMC until today, day 2. well, other than observing him being verrry chatty with the other female cohort, all day yesterday. okay, today -- more of the same chattiness until it happens that he and i end up being seated near each other, when he lapses into almost complete silence.

naturally LMC can't match for my capacity for being mute, and ultimately begins talking to me, but even then it's still quite mundane. this results in amiable silence for a couple hours.

now it's 10 minutes before 5 -- quitting time. LMC has finished his activity and goes over to in-charge guy to ask for a quick task, since it's almost time to go. in-charge guy goes, 'well there's this bin that got sorted in reverse, you could switch it around like so (demonstrates) so that this is in descending order.'

i catch the last end of this and, realizing he's talking about a bin that *i* had done (twas the first one i'd done by myself -- i'd been responsible for other parts of the process, previously), walk over to say, 'oh, did i do that one in the wrong order?'

in-charge guy says, 'yeah, it's no big deal, it'll just take a few minutes to fix.' he nods and pushes the bin towards LMC.

LMC immediately turns to me and says, 'well actually, since you screwed this one up, why don't you fix it, and i'll go take over your pasting job.'

i may have smirked, sneered, or even smiled, i don't know. what i said was, 'sure, no problem.' because it was my mistake, and plus, i could care less what letter-related task i'm actually doing -- it's all tedium.

but what i thought was, you ass. you just screwed yourself out of $20. because seriously, if you think that by somehow trying to malign my 'worthiness' as a temporary $9/hr employee, by speaking in a condescending manner to me in front of our junior supervisor, is going to somehow ... affect my employment? make me do better? be extra nice (instead of merely courteous) to you?

i don't think so.

i get sunday off. woo! hopefully there will be a mix of chores and some christmas-related activities. maybe even - dare i say it - books. *swoon*

for the love of beef

2007-12-11T21:30:00.000-08:00

in more recent news, today
on the way
to safeway:

i "steered" through a juicy part of town, aka beef bend road.

incidentally, bull mountain road is also nearby, lest
you think i jest.

and on a deli sign:
EVERYONE LOVES BBQ
EXCEPT THE PIG

until the next meaty installment,
heather