the power of all of us

is being used to send me and mario (and the rest of our teammates) to TAHOE in march!

that's right. tahoe. for the weekend.

remember how i said a couple times that i was happy i moved to web dev?

i'm not happy.
i'm HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY.

i think i will offer a sacrifice of lactose-free cheesecake to the goddess of technology tonight, because clearly, she love me. and i love her.

a thing i stoleth

from LEER Jet Wen

1. Are you girly?: I would like to think I'm not. I certainly don't think of myself as such.
   
2. Do you like bi girls?: I like all girls. (This answer is too perfect to change)
   
3. Are you a good kisser?: that's what i hear!
   
4. Whats your favorite thing about girls?: The unmentionables. And just how much more i love being around them than (most) guys. So I guess...the way they think, talk, and are. At least, the ones that I choose to be around, hah.
   
5. Least fav. thing about girls? I'll go with wen and say PMS. But also, the incredible ability to discuss a topic to death. And then resurrect it for further dissection. Bonus if the topic has high emotional quotient.
   
6. Do you play softball?: Nope.
   
7. Which would you prefer..beach...bball...or movie?: SO the beach. i would live at the oceanside if i could afford it.
   
8. Do you like to make the first move?: I guess it depends. Online, absolutely. Offline, I'm probably too shy to be that bold.
   
9. How many times have you been asked "how do 2 girls have sex"?: Less than 10
   
10. How many times have you been asked "are you the girl or guy in the relationship"?: Same, less than 10.
    
11. Do your parents know?: Oh yes. Came out to them with much (usual, I'm sure) angst on all sides. But all is well in that department, now.
    
12. Coke or Dr. Pepper? Currently, Dr. P. But really the soda du jour is root beer.
    
13. Nike...adidas...kswiss...puma?: whatever i think looks good.
    
14. Have you ever proposed to your girlfriend?: yup! proposed to min after our 3rd day together (irl; had known each other online for over a year)
    
15. Have you ever been cheated on?: nope
    
16. Have you ever cheated on one of your gf's?: i liked keri's answer. emotionally, yes. physically, absolutely not. tho that distinction is of questionable lauding.
    update: i forgot, i did make out once with another girl, while i was still with my ex. whoops. guess that's why she became an ex. :-p
    
17. Whats your favorite color?: greens and burgandies
    
18. Do you do any drugs or drink?: only as prescribed by a doctor
    
19. Do you have any piercings??: only as prescribed by a doctor. ok really, i have pierced ears that haven't seen a piercing in several years
    
20. Any tattoos?: no, and probably i never will.

if interested feel free to steal this would-be-meme for yourself. :-) lemme know if you do and i'll come visit yours!

mmmm...caffiene!

i love my frapp. especially now that i've started adding caramel to it. mmmm.

also: i know i'm sleepy, but there's nothing odder than someone you've never met (in this case, the trainer for the session i'm in) suddenly calling on you by name. and asking questions that let you know they actually know your history. trippy.

i SO am getting coffee later

i am continuing my streak of not being sleepy at the right time. tonight i thought, fine! i have some things todo on the computer that i've been putting off. i'll just do that until i get sleepy.

yeah and here i am at 2am. i think i'm finally getting sleepy. but FFS. 2 AM!

good thing the last bit of training tomorrow is a) brief and b) probably pretty simple. but also, thank goodness for caffiene, because i am absolutely getting some in about 6 hours.

p.s.

i forgot to add:

- there is no new thing or (relatively) recent event that precipitated my last post. these issues have been around for quite some time. i just decided to admit a few things last night.

- i am not all gloom and doom. in fact, i've been plenty silly lately. pleeeenty. altho, i suppose there can never be enough of that. so bring it on! :-D

i'm sure i should be asleep

but clearly i'm not.

i am tired, sure. i want to sleep. but too many things are running through my head. things that i am not, at this time, ready to talk about here. maybe someday - when therapy has loosened some tongues. sometimes it is not better to leave words unspoken. but on the other hand, sometimes it is.

and that, my friends, is how you end up with:

- cryptic posts
- news reports rather than wry observations
- or no posts at all

so you can see why i abandoned this blog at one point, eh? those traits do not lend themselves to good reading. or for that matter, much in the way of conversation. because i may be quiet, but my mind is almost always racing. it's just a matter of what seems appropriate to share. and pretty often, not much is.

i guess for now: i'm trying to avert a personal disaster, and also taking baby steps in the aversion. i'd rather take gigantic steps to get there, because baby steps annoy the crap out of me, but this isn't just about me. also i'm not so sure this diaster is avoidable (honestly, sometimes i don't care if it isn't) but time will most certainly tell. it always does - little brat.

i love locolization

because i love making the content CrAzY! bananas! loco! wooo!

- with thanks to my friendly local coworker-created powerpoint -

a brief summary

i just realized it's been a few weeks since i had a general type of update. rather than kvetching or just being silly (or both). so:

• my parents are still here. they are making noises about leaving within a week. we shall see.
  
• my dad is not up to his usual par (a relative term) yet. over the last 96 hours or so i think he's spent 10 of those hours awake. is that excitement or what?
  
• min's still having a pretty tough time. more attacks, acid, pain, etc than usual the last couple of weeks. i am pretty sure she is trying to do too much since my parents are here, but at the same time i know she's glad for their company. makes it kind of tricky
  
• i am really really really really really really happy i moved to web dev. i know i haven't done any "work" yet, but i am just so happy to be doing something different that i can't even tell you.
  
• ok i think that's it for now.
  
• love you too!
  
• bye!
  

the future is today

hey! lucky you. you get a recap of what led to my 3:54am post. i'm still sleepy (amazing, being that it's after 1am) but eminently more alert than i was last time.

the short version: friday was a very, very, very long day.

much longer (think old testament, intermission-worthy) version:

• got up way too early (645am). canNOT tell you why. and even if i could, it wouldn't matter. would it? thought so.
  
• blogged something that got more attention than i expected. and fyi, not necessarily so accurate as it turns out, at least in the "results" department
  
• went to work. did something for a few hours. cannot remember what.
  
• lunch with liz. usual debate about where to go, but of course, agree that it must be near toffee crack distributor. settle on now-with-friendly-hostess indian buffet! she still surprises me.
  
• post-lunch exclamations akin to "ahhhhh" and "i love toffee crack" and "omg this is so good" fill the 5 ft BUBBLE surrounding me for several minutes
  
• back to work. accidentally skip company meeting. notice a LOT of other people are skipping meeting, and we enjoy much discourse (e.g., metrosexual garb, the pacific northwest, how fluffy penny's hair is today) with aforementioned skippers.
  
• i think i worked on some bugs
  
• wait longer than expected for chariot to arrive, because chariot driver got sick whilst running errands. get headache and eyestrain from looking at computer too long. go for walkabout. rinse and repeat.
  
• chariot driver appears to be on the mend. tenative plans for dinner and movie are a go!
  
• chariot arrives, along with chariot driver and parental units, around 645. all of us exit stage left and head to the amc mercado. since it's less than a half hour til munich, we get dinner to go from world wrapps and smuggle it into the theatre.
  
• enjoy the movie a LOT. also help min a bit since she starts having an attack (resulting from her dinner). she walks around and things calm down by the time the movie ends.
  
• movie ends- the four of us exit stage right. my dad falls down before we exit the auditorium. it's a very minor fall, but he does NOT look good, so we sit him down on a bench in the hallway. min has the brilliant idea to go get the chariot and bring it around to the back entrance so dad doesn't have to walk so far. i go with her so i can help her find the chariot, and come think of it, drive, because min's starting to get pretty sleepy.
  
• we are within 50 feet of the chariot. i didn't bring my bag in, but min brought a bag, so i ask her for the chariot keys.
  
• there are no keys.
  
• grep -lr 'keys to my chariot' * = no results
  
• i go to the chariot to look for keys, make sure chariot hasn't been confiscated, etc. min retraces her steps, returns to auditorium, etc, hoping to find keys. i return to theatre and we find out hey! grep still returns no results.
  
• around 1045pm, i call AAA - on the payphone, because the cell is in the chariot, naturally - and arrange for a chariot hack. i may not know where min's keys are - in fact, at this point no one knows - but i know that my keys are in the trunk, in my bag, so once we get those we can go home. i let them know that i also have my father with me, and he is ill, so if they can expedite the request i would really appreciate it. they say it should be less than an hour.
  
• min is VERY sleepy at this point. i don't have my coat. but since i run very hot (my temperature) AND i am the healthiest one in the bunch, i volunteer to go wait next to the chariot for AAA to hack into said chariot.
  
• spent 15 minutes in tolerably cold parking lot, walking around chariot. spot AAA truck already! sweet!
  
• but, why is he staying way over there? well, maybe he will come down this row and not maintain a 100 feet BUBBLE around me. oh yes, here he comes.
  
• oh good fuck, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I'm over here!! you are NOT supposed to skip the 3 rows that surround me, moron. and...you shit. you are NOT supposed to leave the parking lot after this cursory jaunt!
  
• maybe he went to another part of this mammoth parking lot. i'll wait 5 minutes and see if he returns.
  
• fucker.
  
• fine. i go back inside and call AAA and explain what happened. they tell me to go back outside, that the driver is still in the area and should be with me shortly.
  
• i spend another 45 minutes a) walking around the chariot in an attempt to keep warm and b) not seeing a AAA truck. i give up and start to head back inside. at this point my Gang has moved closer to a front entrance so i can still see near our chariot while talking to said Gang. i ask min (aka sleepy girl) to call AAA and ask what's the haps. and also that if i haven't come to pick them up within a half hour, to please call AAA again and ask WTF!?! is going on.
  
• i spend another 45 minutes a) walking around the chariot in an attempt to keep warm and b) not seeing a AAA truck. i give up and head back inside. i see Sleepy Girl outside. hey! what's up? um. nothing.
  
• ok, go inside. mom had brilliant idea to call AAA on her cell (no more payphone). but because her phone has an oregon area code, it keeps bouncin her to their road service, not NorCal. she's on hold, but gives me her cell, so that i can keep calling AAA and not have to come inside (possibly missing my hot AAA rendezvous). good work, mom!
  
• finally talk to AAA person who apologizes and says the same thing i heard 90 minutes ago: the driver is still in the area and should be with me shortly. does shortly mean less than a half hour? at this point i've been waiting outside almost 2 hours and i'm really starting to freeze. and get annoyed as all shit.
  
• but yes, shortly means less than a half hour.
  
• fine. i spend another 30 minutes a) walking around the chariot in an attempt to keep warm and b) not seeing a AAA truck. min is with me for part of this, but she gets too cold and has to go back inside. altho i enjoy hugging her for a moment to warm up a bit, it's almost better when she's not there, simply because then i start talking about the whole fiasco and the more i talk, the more agitated and expletive-ridden i get. yeah, you go back inside, honey. ;-)
  
• time to call AAA again. and spend 5 minutes getting rerouted to NorCal AAA again. this time they put me on hold while they try to get ahold of the dispatcher. doobee. dispatch says, driver is finishing a call, should be at your location within 20 minutes tops. i'm pissy (it's been 2.5 hours now) but grateful that this should be over soon.
  
• i spend another 20 minutes a) walking around the chariot in an attempt to keep warm, but REALLY starting to freeze, and b) not seeing a AAA truck. min arrives near the end of this 20 minute stretch and we agree that when i call AAA this next time, if they don't have a good answer about WTF the problem is, we're calling a cab and we'll deal with getting into our chariot on saturday. we can break into our house (awkwardly, but doably) if need be -- and we need to put a stop to this disaster one way or another.
  
• time to call AAA. and spend 5 minutes getting rerouted to NorCal AAA again of course. this time they say, let me get the actual driver on the line. ok sure you do that.
  
• grep -lr 'where the fuck is the driver?' * = no results
  
• like i am surprised by this fact.
  
• AAA says, the last i heard, he was right there. i ask, what do you mean, here? in the parking lot? yep. well i hate to tell you this, but i've been outside for almost 3 hours now, and except for the first driver who blew me off, there ain't been no tow trucks in here. and now there's practically nobody here, so i really can see pretty damn well who's in the lot. AAA lady says, he really should be right there.
  
• what the fuck am i going to say to that? i just told you he's not here! so i hang up and we call a cab. ETA 15 minutes.
  
• i spend another 15 minutes a) walking around the chariot fucking freezing to death, and b) not seeing a AAA truck or cab.
  
• but hark! could that be a AAA truck, coming in from the east? it is! good fuck! get your ass over here, punk.
  
• AAA driver, aka DazedGrizzledAndConfusedEnabled, asks me if i want to get into his truck and ride over to my chariot. my back and feet are killing me and i may be freezing to death but i'm not fucking getting in your truck, creep.
  
• i'm so mad i can't even talk to him.
  
• DazedGrizzledAndConfusedEnabled goes to work on his chariot hacking. chariot is hacked in short order. min comes back over. fill out forms, blah blah, turn on the chariot and get the heat going!
  
• ps. keys had fallen out of bag onto back seat. :-p
  
• pick up parental units and we head home like little zombies. some zombies are more animated than others, and even though i've spent almost 3.5 hours outside tonight and it's waaaay past my bedtime, when we get home, i can't go to sleep for another hour. i'm exhausted but i'm wired.
  
• which is fine with pearl, who of course unexpectedly was in her kennel for much longer than usual. so while we watched a bit of tv, she had to dance about, pee (outside, thank you), dance some more and then cuddle for a bit anyways before she could go to sleep too.
  
• ok that's it.
  
• except that yes, i learned my lesson and the next time i have trouble with AAA, i'll call a cab after no more than 90 minutes. i know this was an exception - in all my years with them, they've been nothing but prompt and reliable. until today.
  
• oh and even better lesson to learn: make sure more than one person has a key. yes. that is good.
  

seriously

i should not be awake right now.

and maybe tomorrow i will explain why i am still awake. but, i AM going to sleep now.
goodbye!

MUNIpulation or inadvertent happy pill?

so there's This Thing i want to do next month, but my ability to attend is dependent on a couple of things. one of those things includes softening some of the emotional roadblocks that will likely arise should This Thing actually look like a reality.

a few days ago, when my thoughts drifted toward This Thing for the billionth time that day, i randomly thought: oh! i should =insert behavioral adjustment here= and i bet that will help out a LOT with those emotional roadthingies. plus, it just makes good business sense.

i figured that would be the end of it. because i will let you in on a secret that those uber-close to me already know: i am crap when it comes to implementing a plan that involves me making behavioral changes. oh i mean well and all - i just forget.

anyway, yesterday i found myself doing =behavioral adjustment= more than once. and enjoying it (that particular instance was very silly). OMG! suddenly i realized a) i hadn't done that in quite some time unless you included b) THE LAST FEW DAYS.

what?!? am i actually capable of emotionally manipulating myself via my subconscious? and subsequently, others? the thought that this could be true is tripping me out.

that said, i'm ok with any dichotomy that might arise resulting from this. because the end result is that everyone seems a smidge happier (including me). and since that's been hard to come by lately, i really don't give ashita. i'll take the happy where i can get it.

the results (theoretically) are in

i am, in fact, moving to webdev. i just came back from what is hopefully the last meeting i ever have to attend regarding my prospective defection. i'm supposed to officially move at the end of the month, and get some more (hopefully better) training between now and then as part of the transition.

and when that transition is complete i will light a candle for love and sing praises at the altar of the coding goddesses. and those goddesses? they will smile on me, because i am just a badass at the keyboard.

i wish i had learned this earlier in life

BE SURE TO STOP WHEN YOUR LUCK IS RUNNING OUT BECAUSE IF YOU GUESS WRONG YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING YOU COLLECTED ON THAT TURN.

that and so many more kernels of knowledge are available here.

thanks to liz for the link (and for distracting me when i really didn't need to be distracted).

i think

i am
listening
to
the slowest
(and most unhelpful)
"presentation"
ever

i tell you what

there's nothing better than getting meeting requests about your move to a new department (more than one meeting!) while you're in training for that new department.

yeah that fucking ROCKS.

in better news, my dad is home from the hospital. yay! and sleeping, i'm sure.

the big daddio! and more webdev

i'll be seeing my dad in a little bit here (and i've seen him lots since my last post), but i just talked to my mom and:

- his hemmorhage has decreased significantly in size
- no more bleeding, either!
- headaches a bit better, but apparently that will take another week to get better
- still working on getting his blood back to appropriate thickness
- he may get out as early as tomorrow!

so, yay! i am sure my parents would love to have their anniversary together (it's sunday) so hopefully that will work out. and plus they can get back on zee road up to orygone! i'm glad they've had our little waystation here of course, but i think their cat fiona is getting preeeetty tired of camping out in the guest bedroom.

in other news, i spent most of today in meetings, most of which were about this move to web dev. they still haven't sorted this out 100% (is it happening at all? which team are we sending you to?), but that's not stopping them from sending us to training the next week and a half. ok, fine. if i don't really move there, what'd you do, increase my geek quotient? fine by me. altho, i would be very bummed if the move doesn't happen. so it better happen.

i said it better!
ok bye :-)

the art of conversation (with dad)

talked to my dad tonight. in person, even. his voice was a bit more slurred than usual but he was definitely more upbeat and coherent than when i last saw him a couple days ago.

they found out that he really did just have a hemmorhage, not the stroke version. which is good. as of yesterday he was still having a very minor amount of bleeding. adjusting his coumadin so that the bleeding should slow.

today they did an EEG to verify he's not having seizures. apparently they suspect he is having petit mal seizures because he keeps staring off for a few seconds, sometimes mid-sentence. oh AND he passed out while making his way back to the bed post-EEG. nice work. for that they theorize a blood pressure med problem. blood pressure had been too high, and apparently they doubled the dosage yesterday. yeah, do you really want to immediately double something like that? i would think small steps. but what do i know?

anyway, that's the dad report for now!

in other news, i'm finally freaking moving to web dev! i know it's not to the team i expected (are there countries besides china?), but that's ok - learning is good. i'm just very happy to be moving on. i need a change. oh and to get reaquainted with my former level of geekhood.

jennie, this is for you

make both you and graham happy at the same time with the bug vacuum.

i love technology. and popgadget.

minor dad update

we are still waiting on more info from the MRI/MRA, but earlier tonight i heard that:

- his headache is doing better
- hemorrhage is not too large, and not expanding
- he ripped out his catheter (um...yeah...not so smart)
- but at the same time, apparently he's LESS agitated and irrational than he has been the last few days

that's all the news that's fit to print! but generally good news so yay!

stick it good

because i can't sleep, a snippet from today:

INT1. Space between liz and mr. brady's cube. liz and MB conversing.
liz: where should i stick it?

(immediately i am snickering)

INT2. IM between liz and me
me: where should i stick it?????
liz: shut up

(now both of us are snickering)

INT1. Space between liz and mr. brady's cube. liz and MB conversing.
mr. brady: oh, you can stick it anywhere

INT2. IM between liz and me
me: hey, YOU can stick it anywhere!
me: so FlagStickItAnywhereEnabled='true for liz'

(more concurrent snickery)

INT1. Space between liz and mr. brady's cube. liz and MB conversing.
liz: ok thanks

sitting near liz (and overhearing gems like that) is almost as fun as sitting next to her. actually, maybe it's more fun because now everytime she returneth to her cube, she comes into the frame of my rearview mirror, and she dances for me (for 2 seconds) .

why am i awake?

The True Hollywood Quiz

a. because the bed was shaking and i hear min gasping hysterically in what i assume is crying. i ask, 'what's wrong?!' and of course the answer is that she's laughing listening to conan o'brien learning that sometimes, anteaters need Male Enhancement too.
b. i had to pee.
c. i got all kinds of songs stuck in my head.
d. i kept thinking about the previous day's events.
e. nausea and ultimately hunger pangs were my unwilling companions.
f. all of the above.
g. other

feel free to submit ideas for G. there's always a chance i'm forgetting something.

somebody here needs some help

i just went to the bathroom and someone made their own version of a toilet seat cover, using toilet paper. i know this because half of it was still left on the seat. but the best part is that THERE WERE PLENTY OF PREFABRICATED TOILET SEAT COVERS 18 INCHES AWAY.

why the fuck do you need to roll your own? and leave them there for me? oh and leave the remnants (of what are obviously your previous fucked up attempts at toilet seat creation) scattered about the floor?

i love people.

mother knows best

today my mom insisted that my dad get a CAT scan. after that, he started up with chuck again (he just doesn't know when to say goodbye). woo.

as my mom said, "they didn't find a cat", but they did find evidence of a "brain hemmorrhage", which after reading on the internets, i found out in this case is really a hemorrhagic stroke. so to that i have to say: go mom, for predicting the stroke.

also the internets has freaked me out a bit because i don't know which kind of HS it really was, and apparently one type has a higher mortality than the other. i do know that most of the hemmorrhage is outside the brain. but if i remember right (getting late for me), some of it is seeping in.

i don't know if it's getting better or worse yet. i do know that they are doing both an MRI and MRA (which i hadn't heard of, but is specifically for blood vessels) tomorrow.

i also know that my mom "has been waiting for this to happen" -- apparently doctors have been telling her for years that because of his myriad conditions (i've seen the list; he has 14 items on his list of diagnoses), this kind of thing was an eventuality. not that the whole thing is any less freaky to my mom, now that it's happening. and a little to me (more later i'm sure; i'm always on tape delay).

anyway...i should go to bed. i do appreciate all the good energy you guys are sending along...thank you so much. hopefully i'll have more encouraging news tomorrow.

ps. part deux

my dad rang in the new year with a fever, migrane and by sending chuck up up and away! woo!

but in typical stubborn dad fashion, he refused to go to the hospital until chuck had been upped for about 12 hours or so. also he'd been very disoriented and had a TIA a few days ago (among other things, this is compounded by my dad's antiphospholipid syndrome.)

so with all those things mom was pushing him to go to the ER. he finally relented around 1pm. because i'm tired, i'm going to abbreviate and say that after much ambulance fun, waiting fun, and more chuck, my dad was finally admitted to the hospital around 9pm.

i think mostly they are observing him rather than thinking a stroke is imminent. but my mom, a true expert after living thru 15 years of this with my dad, thinks otherwise. we shall see what tomorrow (well, later today!) brings, but hopefully he just needs some fluids and antibiotics (may have a sinus infection). and my poor mom, she's trying to fight off that bug but not succeeding very well.

on the upside min is feeling better than she did last night - almost had to go to hospital just for her. but she's doing better today.

keep those rays of goodness coming! very appreciated.