last night i went ice skating for the second time in my life. liz very graciously let me borrow some skates and saved me from potential ankle trauma from rink skates. she also gave me a few pointers which i'm sure enabled me to not fall the ENTIRE TIME. i was very impressed with myself. especially since i definitely fell a LOT during my virgin skating session so many years ago, in a land far, far away.
actually calling that first skate a virgin skate is not a bad idea because it was also the first time i touched another woman's breasts and realized that was The Life For Me. before you get some wacky ice porn movie going in your head, let me tell you what really happened:
feb 1995. nashville. me and 10 of my closest BU dorm-mates decided to go ice skating. among them was my friend tami. very much a dyke. and very much was i crushed out on her, being the babydyke that i was (out for less than 2 months).
tami was from wisconsin which meant that she was the best ice skater in our bunch. she gave me and i think another friend some lessons, skating around with us almost the whole time. at one point it was just tami and me though. we're skating, she's on my left, holding my hand. i wobble, almost falling, and my right arm oh-so-ungracefully flailed to the left in an attempt to hold on.
i got stabilized. i also got the delicious sensation of tami's breast in my hot little hand. i didn't grab hard or anything - just cupped her for a second, and that steadied me.
steadied on the outside that is. immediately i was 10x more jittery on the inside (already crazy because a) i was trying to skate and b) tami was helping me do that) because OH MY GOD. i knew what it felt like to touch another woman that you were attracted to. and i knew that there was no going back. yep, i'm a dyke! end of story.
that story, anyway. :-) that story's the first thing i think of when someone talks about ice skating. if i start skating more regularly now (and i might), i'm sure that will fade away, but i hope not.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
we cambria, we saw, we conquered
late february we escaped our worldly troubles for a brief time and traveled down to cambria, a quiet little town on the coast of southern california. and it's only taken me three months to get the pictures all prettied up for y'all. i'm fast, i tell you.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
enjoy the silence
blogging silence usually means either work or home life are pretty busy. or both. for most of the last week or so, it's been both. we're trying to wrap up development for a Big Project at work plus my little group is now a SWAT team (we have patches to prove it!) so those two things keep things perking along quite frenetically.
for home busy-ness, min got her botox shot on friday. the actual procedure was not tooo bad...but it took a lot longer than normal...apparently he had to do much more manipulation than normal and this left her insanely sore instead of just really really sore. really rough weekend but then the last few days were getting better.
until last night. last night she tried to eat more normal food (e.g., chicken and rice instead of cream of wheat). within 15 minutes she was having a "dry" attack (no vomiting but same amount of pain as if she was). we tried the usual remedies for abating an attack, called the amazing dr. t an hour later for more ideas, but nothing worked. so! in to the hospital we go again.
it'd been, hmm, maybe a month since we'd been? they changed their triage and patient shuffling procedures. haven't decided if it's good or bad overall. good: a doctor AND nurse triage instead of just a nurse. and our favorite ER doc (the most compassionate and friendly one), dr. fox, was triaging. so he knew exactly what to do for min and said he'd have her medicine ordered and ready for her by the time she got back there. and when she finally DID get to a room, we got them in about 10 minutes. yay!
bad: now they're splitting the ER exam room areas up by type of patient. half is for non-urgent, half for those that need monitoring/privacy. min fell into the latter category and because a) we got there earlier in the evening (930pm instead of 2am) and b) they had 3 ambulances come in after we did, she had to wait in the lobby for over 2 hours before she got any meds. normally when we go in it's maybe an hour until she gets something (15 minutes waiting in lobby, 15 waiting for/talking to doc, 30 minutes for meds to arrive).
i'm sure it was just shitty timing and that the ambulatories were much more important, but that didn't make the Waiting any less difficult. grr.
i got a little more sleep than normal (for an ER night) but i'm still exhausted today. at least i can pray to the gods of mocha-infused frappiness and get my own yummy, caffeinated deliverance.
for home busy-ness, min got her botox shot on friday. the actual procedure was not tooo bad...but it took a lot longer than normal...apparently he had to do much more manipulation than normal and this left her insanely sore instead of just really really sore. really rough weekend but then the last few days were getting better.
until last night. last night she tried to eat more normal food (e.g., chicken and rice instead of cream of wheat). within 15 minutes she was having a "dry" attack (no vomiting but same amount of pain as if she was). we tried the usual remedies for abating an attack, called the amazing dr. t an hour later for more ideas, but nothing worked. so! in to the hospital we go again.
it'd been, hmm, maybe a month since we'd been? they changed their triage and patient shuffling procedures. haven't decided if it's good or bad overall. good: a doctor AND nurse triage instead of just a nurse. and our favorite ER doc (the most compassionate and friendly one), dr. fox, was triaging. so he knew exactly what to do for min and said he'd have her medicine ordered and ready for her by the time she got back there. and when she finally DID get to a room, we got them in about 10 minutes. yay!
bad: now they're splitting the ER exam room areas up by type of patient. half is for non-urgent, half for those that need monitoring/privacy. min fell into the latter category and because a) we got there earlier in the evening (930pm instead of 2am) and b) they had 3 ambulances come in after we did, she had to wait in the lobby for over 2 hours before she got any meds. normally when we go in it's maybe an hour until she gets something (15 minutes waiting in lobby, 15 waiting for/talking to doc, 30 minutes for meds to arrive).
i'm sure it was just shitty timing and that the ambulatories were much more important, but that didn't make the Waiting any less difficult. grr.
i got a little more sleep than normal (for an ER night) but i'm still exhausted today. at least i can pray to the gods of mocha-infused frappiness and get my own yummy, caffeinated deliverance.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
twistin the night away
as some of you may know, i got my undergrad degree (after many years of school-hopping) at the university of montana. montana is not a very queer-friendly place in general, but missoula is a little pocket of relative liberalism. made it a little easier for us to be out and not worry so much (like we did in other parts of MT).
anyway, there was a small lambda group at UM when we left - maybe 30 people - in 1998. but it sounds like things have really improved because the kaimin (who i wrote for briefly) has reported 700 attendees at their queer prom. how sweet is that? rock!
anyway, there was a small lambda group at UM when we left - maybe 30 people - in 1998. but it sounds like things have really improved because the kaimin (who i wrote for briefly) has reported 700 attendees at their queer prom. how sweet is that? rock!
Friday, April 08, 2005
flibbetygibbit
i was sleepy all day at work today. my ass was seriously dragging - no amount of walking, tunes, sugar or teasing liz was keeping me uber-alert.
that is, until i caved in and went to starbucks around 3pm. i know it's probably an illusion, but from the first moment that sweet frappaccino hits my mouth, i feel caffiene zooming through my veins like a freight truck. sweet lady mocha frapp.
anyway, since i had that so late in the day NOW i'm uber-alert. this is giving me a chance to work on some marketing for launcharoo, which isn't all bad. but it's a tad boring too.
so good thing i found liz and andrea's old geocities sites. hah! adorable! i love it. it really brings me back to my own humble beginnings. this is an archive of the original geocities site, back when i used to care about the old site. i just keep it up because it gets a lot of traffic which then bounces to my main site. and like liz & andrea's sites, it's kind of cool to have a testimonial to the early days (both of coding and of partnership). it's also a testament to bad design, but i'm past that now. i think.
that said, if anyone teases me about how fluffy it is, i'll kick your ass. :-D
that is, until i caved in and went to starbucks around 3pm. i know it's probably an illusion, but from the first moment that sweet frappaccino hits my mouth, i feel caffiene zooming through my veins like a freight truck. sweet lady mocha frapp.
anyway, since i had that so late in the day NOW i'm uber-alert. this is giving me a chance to work on some marketing for launcharoo, which isn't all bad. but it's a tad boring too.
so good thing i found liz and andrea's old geocities sites. hah! adorable! i love it. it really brings me back to my own humble beginnings. this is an archive of the original geocities site, back when i used to care about the old site. i just keep it up because it gets a lot of traffic which then bounces to my main site. and like liz & andrea's sites, it's kind of cool to have a testimonial to the early days (both of coding and of partnership). it's also a testament to bad design, but i'm past that now. i think.
that said, if anyone teases me about how fluffy it is, i'll kick your ass. :-D
Thursday, April 07, 2005
and now for something completely obnoxious
lately i've had the worst time thinking about things that are completely inappropriate. my work-safe (unless you work with me - in which case, start going LALALALA) example is the "Idea Wall".
the Idea Wall is a place where employees can share their ideas to make the company's products better, introduce new products, etc. it is literally a gigantic piece of paper (maybe 12' x5') taped to the wall. people have taped their ideas (including pictures) and scribbled all over this paper, such that it is pretty crowded already even though it's only been up for a month, tops.
the inappropriateness? every time i see it, i want to tear it down, rip it up, smash it into a ball and throw it into the garbage. the Wall evokes my deep-rooted cynicism of the corporate world in two ways: 1) this is a way for us to all appear happy/productive while having corporate interests at heart and 2) because these submissions are anonymous, i think that eventually this is a way for some executive to take credit for an underling's idea. and to both of these ideas i just want to say *#@?%!
that's just one inappropriate idea. the rest i'm not sharing because, well, they're inappropriate.
i think i need a vacation.
the Idea Wall is a place where employees can share their ideas to make the company's products better, introduce new products, etc. it is literally a gigantic piece of paper (maybe 12' x5') taped to the wall. people have taped their ideas (including pictures) and scribbled all over this paper, such that it is pretty crowded already even though it's only been up for a month, tops.
the inappropriateness? every time i see it, i want to tear it down, rip it up, smash it into a ball and throw it into the garbage. the Wall evokes my deep-rooted cynicism of the corporate world in two ways: 1) this is a way for us to all appear happy/productive while having corporate interests at heart and 2) because these submissions are anonymous, i think that eventually this is a way for some executive to take credit for an underling's idea. and to both of these ideas i just want to say *#@?%!
that's just one inappropriate idea. the rest i'm not sharing because, well, they're inappropriate.
i think i need a vacation.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
she runs away
i'll never forget the first time i heard this song. min had uploaded it on the iBook and i was riding caltrain on my way to my contract job at thomson. i think it's the first time i ever imagined a whole story so clearly just based on a song. not the story being told by the song - one that just unfolded in my mind. i don't want to butcher the retelling of it here (besides i've only got rebase time :-), but it was a cool short story if i do say so myself. i wrote it all down right then and there, but later lost it in one of the many Great iBook Crashes of 2004.
anyway, that song just came up in the itunes, and i thought i'd take a moment to share. it's not like it's the best song ever, but for some reason it inspired me that day, and now whenever i hear it, i remember that moment. which is a big deal for me what with my lovely memory. :-p
anyway, that song just came up in the itunes, and i thought i'd take a moment to share. it's not like it's the best song ever, but for some reason it inspired me that day, and now whenever i hear it, i remember that moment. which is a big deal for me what with my lovely memory. :-p
Saturday, April 02, 2005
workin for the weekend
this last week was difficult. busy at work, several appointments for min and blue cross drama because they're refusing to pay for her upcoming shot. that will probably get worked out but only because we're appealing it.
so i was really looking forward to this weekend, if only to have a break from one responsibility (daytime job) for a while. like always, the weekend is the time i catch up on all the errands/housework i didn't have time for during the week.
but it's also a chance to spend more time with my baby since i literally don't have to go away for 10 hours or so saturday and sunday! and even though she had a really bad attack wednesday, her new pain medicine (which we got friday night) is already helping a bit more (since then she's mostly kept her pain to a 5-7 instead of a relatively constant 7-8). yay! and for the first time in, hmm, a month? she had 3 meals today. not full meals, mind you. it's still a big deal. and she's been much more alert today - even went out with me on a short errand - another sign of her feeling betterish. yay! hopefully this will help keep her more comfortable until the 15th.
a side benefit to the hardly eating, obviously, is that she's lost a lot of weight in the last year. most of it since christmas. we've both lost weight, which is nice, but i'd rather be heavier than to have gone through all this. :-p
anyway, just wanted to follow up with a slightly more cheerful post since today was a relatively good day. spent a lot of it watching our latest addiction, 24 on netflix. damn that show is good! if you haven't watched it, you gotta check it out. i really don't know if we can adjust to watching it on tv and waiting a whole week inbetween episodes once we catch up to the current season. damn.
so i was really looking forward to this weekend, if only to have a break from one responsibility (daytime job) for a while. like always, the weekend is the time i catch up on all the errands/housework i didn't have time for during the week.
but it's also a chance to spend more time with my baby since i literally don't have to go away for 10 hours or so saturday and sunday! and even though she had a really bad attack wednesday, her new pain medicine (which we got friday night) is already helping a bit more (since then she's mostly kept her pain to a 5-7 instead of a relatively constant 7-8). yay! and for the first time in, hmm, a month? she had 3 meals today. not full meals, mind you. it's still a big deal. and she's been much more alert today - even went out with me on a short errand - another sign of her feeling betterish. yay! hopefully this will help keep her more comfortable until the 15th.
a side benefit to the hardly eating, obviously, is that she's lost a lot of weight in the last year. most of it since christmas. we've both lost weight, which is nice, but i'd rather be heavier than to have gone through all this. :-p
anyway, just wanted to follow up with a slightly more cheerful post since today was a relatively good day. spent a lot of it watching our latest addiction, 24 on netflix. damn that show is good! if you haven't watched it, you gotta check it out. i really don't know if we can adjust to watching it on tv and waiting a whole week inbetween episodes once we catch up to the current season. damn.
Friday, April 01, 2005
surreal
lately i've had the weird sensation of being single again. i get up by myself, take care of the puppy, keep the car and drive to work by myself, rock out to all the channels that would normally drive my baby crazy.
when i'm at work i feel "single" almost all the time. sure, i have this undercurrent, this subconscious connection to min that's with me as i breathe in and out and is comforting. but that's it - it's subconscious. very rarely do i think about it too much because i am SO focused on work. that's me - i'm a task-oriented kind of girl. have been since birth - ask my sister, it used to drive her crazy. i think it drives min crazy once in a while too.
and besides, as i've said before, i like to work. as stupid as it may sound, i really like the Work Me. Work Me has most of her shit together; Home Me tries but, in my opinion, pales in comparison to Work Me.
anyway. adding to the disconnectedness is the fact that min isn't getting online as much lately since she's still having a pretty hard time. her test on Wednesday did NOT go well - triggered an awful, heart-stopping attack. yes, sometimes her heart stops and so does her breathing. those are fun ones.
so because of these joyrides, she's usually not up for talking a bunch and has been sleeping a lot both during the day AND when i get home. which means i end up alone in the evening a lot…trying to entertain the puppy and myself, doing a bit of housework, maybe "relaxing" by reading my email or watching tv.
again, just like being single.
interspersed are moments of feeling very married. cuddling for a few minutes as one of us lumbers into bed, giggling together over something adorable the puppy's doing in front of us, feeling the warmth of her hand on my thigh as we're driving towards the doctor's office, going to get her evening pills together, maybe even a little argument, for argument's sake, because we're human. but it feels rare and odd. like i'm living someone else's life right now. a weird mixture of present and past tense.
while there were certainly fun things about being single, i really have no desire to go back to that state. i presume this is a snapshot and things will go back to "normal" after min gets her botox shot in a few weeks. but for the moment, i feel a little surreal.
when i'm at work i feel "single" almost all the time. sure, i have this undercurrent, this subconscious connection to min that's with me as i breathe in and out and is comforting. but that's it - it's subconscious. very rarely do i think about it too much because i am SO focused on work. that's me - i'm a task-oriented kind of girl. have been since birth - ask my sister, it used to drive her crazy. i think it drives min crazy once in a while too.
and besides, as i've said before, i like to work. as stupid as it may sound, i really like the Work Me. Work Me has most of her shit together; Home Me tries but, in my opinion, pales in comparison to Work Me.
anyway. adding to the disconnectedness is the fact that min isn't getting online as much lately since she's still having a pretty hard time. her test on Wednesday did NOT go well - triggered an awful, heart-stopping attack. yes, sometimes her heart stops and so does her breathing. those are fun ones.
so because of these joyrides, she's usually not up for talking a bunch and has been sleeping a lot both during the day AND when i get home. which means i end up alone in the evening a lot…trying to entertain the puppy and myself, doing a bit of housework, maybe "relaxing" by reading my email or watching tv.
again, just like being single.
interspersed are moments of feeling very married. cuddling for a few minutes as one of us lumbers into bed, giggling together over something adorable the puppy's doing in front of us, feeling the warmth of her hand on my thigh as we're driving towards the doctor's office, going to get her evening pills together, maybe even a little argument, for argument's sake, because we're human. but it feels rare and odd. like i'm living someone else's life right now. a weird mixture of present and past tense.
while there were certainly fun things about being single, i really have no desire to go back to that state. i presume this is a snapshot and things will go back to "normal" after min gets her botox shot in a few weeks. but for the moment, i feel a little surreal.
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