Friday, August 29, 2008

hey who else could go for some updates right now?

updates, not flapjacks. tho i'm sure 15 days of waiting has made you hungry...

really, there has been no major change since my last post, other than the change of no more rampant spending, since i killed that bank account. my mom, who has threatened (at least to me) to take more drastic personal action, has not. today she did send me the url of apartments nearby though, indicating she may really leave. do i understand her reluctance? the slow nature of change, especially due to illness? you bet. is it still a little/really annoying? you bet.

i suppose the only real change, such as it is, is the increasingly bipolar responses from my dad. one email will border on penitent, asking questions, telling me he loves me. the next he will be angry, accusatory, and generally full of misrepresentation and deflections.

actually the deflection is almost always there, and that is the part that is troubling me more, as this communication continues. it shows a lack of responsibility on his part: it's not my fault, you didn't tell me. it's not my fault, i'm sick. and the combination one: it's not my fault, i don't remember because i'm sick.

the problem is that the last part is true. he has pleeeenty of trouble remembering because of all the strokes he's had. totally legit. if he would be humble about it, ask for help, take feedback from others...well, things would be a lot happier. he has done this before, too. but so far, he doesn't seem able to settle there. i'll see glimpses and then he's back to being angry.

earlier week i was so at my limit about all this. work craziness was not helping. but as the week wound down, work mellowed a bit and i stopped getting email from my dad. apparently he hasn't been feeling well but i bet there's also a bit of "i'm not getting my way so i'll try ignoring this for a while".

which is fine by me, since i was 100% in burnout zone. but it also means i have no idea wtf is going to happen next. so, stay tuned...


Capricorn Cringe said...

What a tough situation for you to be stuck in. From what you've written, though, you seem to be handling it well - certainly better than I would.

It's hard sometimes (at least for me) to see the line between "I can do a little more" and "I've done all I can"

heather said...

thanks cc. yeah, that line...that's definitely something i still struggle with. argh.