tip: mascara and jesus don't mix

unless you were tammy faye b@kker, who was so obviously *not* catholic. since i have to get to work, i'll let you work out the snark in your own head, courtesy of this lovely bit of papism.

don't you tell me what's nessa! i tell YOU what's nessa!

that's the end of a line not fully quoted here, but my parents, sister and i have quoted that line probably a billion times, because this:

(other than this--what a dramatic sidebar!), was THE most-watched movie of my youth, hands down. and why am i telling you? because today is madeline kahn appreciation day and as far as i'm concerned, she is the queen of comedy, which means you all should take a moment to appreciate her genius.

and incidentally, thanks to youtube, apparently you can appreciate it from your computer. these kids, with the technology! i'm just tickled at all this newfangledness.

i could prattle on about how much this movie shaped my warped sense of humor and thus, my entire life. but you'll be bored, and i will too. just go enjoy the linkage i've already provided, and then you will also say:

HOORAY FOR MADELINE KAHN APPRECIATION DAY!

if i knew what you were saying, i'm sure i'd be offended

today the internets led me here. i forget who spurred my clickage, but i know they got me with this:

which i suppose is a testament to the power of words. after laughing, i realized this is incredibly offensive. and no i don't mean, how dare the government have secrets. people in power hold onto secrets like it's viagra for the soul, and while i don't agree, i understand.

no, what is offensive is releasing documents in this condition, period. either comply with the law, and let your sordid words fly over the ether, or claim some sort of orwellian privilege and keep us in the dark. because pushing the literal dark into our faces, save out-of-context, juicy words like "water board", pretty much says you think we're idiots who can't handle the truth.

and maybe we are idiots. but snub idiots too long, and you get badly-themed shindigs. i'm just saying.

since i have been asked

yes, i had a good 3-day anniversary weekend. highlights include:

• free, albeit early, beethoven at a very pretty college here in the town of stumps.
  
• a lovely walk and picnic here, and right where that first picture is, too.
  
• to get that park, you have to go over this bridge and yes, that made me very, very happy.
  
• silliness--tho not unusual, it is always good to highlight the zee silly.
  
• writing. about new stories, even!
  
• a guilt-free trip to the best bookstore ever, because we took in a crapload of books for trade. freeish money!

not too shabby, really, and today's nice and slow so i may actually get some fiction writing in. ta ta!

discussion tip #287

if you're trying to win an argument (that isn't really an argument, but you've decided it is, because you're irrationally angry with the other person) then don't say something stupid like this:

By the way, inadvertent isn't actually a word. It's a null or zero word. Look it up! There's direct and indirect thought, and content & context only.

i added the link, but as you can see, inadvertent is not only a Real Word, it has a couple of meanings. but perhaps i own that website and made it up, just because i can.

on the other hand, if you want others to think you are an asshole, in addition to being mildly dense, please consider this kind of attack as your primer.

I LOVE THAI ROSES

i'm sorry to shout but #66 with beef is just about the best thing EVAR and my leftover-lunching tastebuds forced me to post thusly.

that is all.

since that vitriol's out of my system now..

here's some proof i've moved on.

• how i generally go about making positive change. timely, eh? i love DLM. and yes, really, this is how i roll. i'm too polite to rant much elsewhere.
  
• spaceballs, the animation! i can't wait! also good zombie and get smart info. also, i have always called a particularly cone-shaped toy of pearl's 'the cone of silence'. also, i love steve carrell.
  
• i love these:
  
  
• that is all.
  

friendliness is next to..

this morning i was talking with a casual friend, who needed to change when we were going to meet. it also could have impacted min, and so he said, 'is your friend going to be ok with that?'

since we were talking on the phone, and his end was having a love affair with static, it wasn't until a few seconds later that i realized he said friend...not min. not partner, girlfriend, sweet baboo...friend.

i've known this guy for a couple of months. i have talked about min, and referred to her as my partner, several times. he knows that we live together, have been together for quite some time. he and i haven't discussed the nature of the universe, what makes us laugh, and by no means are we BFF, but we've shared a fair bit of our worlds and have pretended to race cars.

so it is no mistake for him to call her my friend. he is doing it intentionally. from the aforementioned conversations, i know that he has a conservative religious background (and perhaps foreground), which as many of you know, is the perfect breeding ground for homophobia.

which means, in our politically correct times, that if you think being gay is tantamount to terrorism (albeit some sort of subversive sexual terrorism), but still have gay couples in your life, you will refer to them as being friends. maybe even "special little friends".

as you might guess, this is not the first time this has happened. i've gotten very, very used to it, from medical workers to coworkers to family members. but apparently, today is the first time it really pissed me off. maybe it's because i just moved from california in time to miss out on marriage equality. maybe it's because yesterday, when another friend discovered that my 12 year anniversary with min was just around the corner (25th), she practically squealed and hugged me. or maybe it's because i've gotten used to mildly liking this guy, but now i know he's bigoted, either by choice or ignorance.

or maybe i'm just PMSing. you know, girls do that, and that certainly is a good cop-out for anyone wanting to dismiss this rant. i know it's a rant, but so what? i pay my taxes. i work 5 days a week. i make sure my pets get their medicine. i vote. i read. i exercise. i work at my relationships. i help my parents. i deserve the same respect as anyone else. that means, unless you are:

- a complete stranger
- my extremely-old-and-last-surviving-grandparent

you should use the terms i designate, because that's what respectful communication is all about. if you happen to call The Woman You Live With your wife, then that's what i'll call her, too. if you call her your partner, mate, significant other, girlfriend -- that's what i'll call her. if you call her your sweet baboo, i will laugh, but if you're serious, then i will probably call her 'the baboo' and you will laugh. and i would expect you to do the same for me. anything else is being an asshole.

i mean, think about it. i say partner, you say figment of my imagination. you're denying my reality. you're taking my word and asking me to pretend it means something else. you're trying to make me in your image, and i'm sorry, but only god gets to do that. and don't tell me you're god's megaphone. god speaks to everyone, and i can hear just fine.*

*as n approaches infinity, some corrections may be applied

the phantom premise

apparently i can't write any more today. not the book, anyway, which is sad because i was really tooling along for an hour or so. i'm at 14,717 words now, i'm in the middle of a scene, with more good stuff around the corner, but apparently it's friday and i'm tapped out for now.

but i still want to do something mildly creative, so here i am. :)

incidentally, i have permanently adjusted to not really working. or to be precise, exchanging 1-4 hours per day of Actual Work in exchange for getting to write and/or fuck around. most days it's about 2 hours. since i'm getting paid to write, it will probably take a natural disaster to make me quit. so yes, i've decided this job is a true blessing.

in other news, you may have heard that oregon is one of the few states left with a primary. it's next tuesday and incidentally, ALL mail-in. this was a pleasant surprise; my last few years in cali i'd gone absentee, because i hate taking off time from work only to wait in a long line that does not involve roller coasters.

anyway, this is the first time min and i have voted for different folks. she has been a clinton supporter forever, and while there are things i admire about clinton...at the moment, the things i *don't* like about her are winning out.

and why am i telling you all this? because i hate the idea of a wasted vote. we don't have to be of one mind, not at all. but knowing that we are going to cancel each other out, it offends my political sensibilities.

in another fit of random, hot damn is it damn hot. wunderground says NINETY-TWO right now and no that is not normal for here. probably going to hit 95 in the next hour, right when i'm driving home. for the record i do not like heat. if you've met me, you can guess why. hint: i have been accused of vitamin E deficiency.

i think i'm tapped out again. let's call it monitor-induced apathonia and leave it at that. have a good weekend!

wheee!

two more pieces at Pen Pricks next month! just found out. yay me!

will post a link june first, when they go up. :):)

i'm a sign (post)

as you may recall, i mentioned the existence of some...unusual signs in my workplace. and by unusual, i mean for a corporate environment, at least every one i've worked in the last 15 years or so.

i have uploaded some of my favorites, but these two take the cake, in my opinion:

whenever i see this one i want to a) run with scissors and b) purchase my own stop sign, so i can smack people in the head. just like mr. bear.

stairs: the phantom menace.

in lieu of more interesting content

i admonish you to stop and smell whatever's blooming nearby, just like my girl.

ketchup

NOT catsup. anyway, someone around here is eating something with ketchup, and golly geewillikers if that isn't driving me absolutely crazy with wanting a burger, or fries, or something that involves that godforsaken condiment being slathered all over it. thanks to the lack of circulation in these parts, the scent of ketchup has been hovering in the air for a good hour now, i'm sure of it, and something tells me i'm getting fast food for dinner come hell or high ketchup.

foray for fifty-fivers

one of the writing lists i'm on introduced me to a site called Pen Pricks, which publishes 55-word fictionettes on a monthly basis. i have an entry called "Shopaholic" - bout 3/4 down the page. there's tons of great entries, and obviously these make for a quick read, which is nice for those with no attention span.

and if you feel adventurous, submit your own! 55 words aren't that hard to churn out. although, composing *exactly* 55 words in an interesting manner...well yes, that can be tricky.