so i've been thinking

i know i'm amusing from time to time, but as you well know, those times are quite rare. that is, if you're looking for amusement here. because if you look, say here, i believe you will find amusement on a weekly if not daily basis.

that's the first time i've looked at that page. it points out i am a fan of muppets, bacon and sleep. and if that's not amusement from the get-go, i don't know what is.

i promise this is the last time i'll pimp FB. suffice to say i hope any remaining followers will join me over there, because i have been thinking about calling my spade a grave-digging tool, and getting rid of this thing. but then i thought hey! it's nice to be able to wax on if i get a hankerin'. keeping in mind that i seem to hanker less and less these days...

oh and before i forget: any of you who have Blogger-based blogs, i'm sorry i haven't been commenting. the firewall at work does NOT play nice with their system. i can read, and post, but not comment. ridiculous but it's just the sort of corporate efficiency i've come to expect.

on that note, i got a minor promotion at work. which means i'll be ignoring you with a greater level of efficiency and entitlement, going forward. all hail the Slacker Queen, who still loves nuts on her desktop:

happy friday!

hi,
i am a combination of really busy, and really lazy.
other than that, i have no excuse for not writing.
well, except for a horrible cold that lasted a week.
does it help to know that i'm not doing any writing on the side, either?
work emails don't count.

but, i finished my site redesign. is it up yet? well, you can peek...
but no, i won't finish updating the main site til i get home tonight...or this weekend...
but it does feel really good to have that done.
but now i have to redo my resumes and THAT will take longer
but, go me for having a less-cluttered site.
but will that help with the scrilla?

time will tell.
time also travels and i hope to see some of that this weekend, when i take my parents to see the new Star Trek.
time for that was supposed to be last weekend but apparently, last weeked was:
time for my sinuses to go bananas.

speaking of bananas, i'm outta here!
and i will try to be more interesting next time.
oh wait! here's my current desktop:

ok now you can't say i'm not entertaining.
END TRANS

the good and the bad

since my last post:

good: i've written more funnies.
bad: not as many as i'd like. i know, pretty minor bad. but this is because:

good: i've had some work to do. this keeps me from chomping at the bit.
bad: see above

good: i get a cyst, (very likely) 1 whirlygig, and bonus material removed thursday afternoon!
bad: that i need surgery at all. also that i have to take vacation time for it, since work's sick/vacation policy sucks.

good: that i have a job, crappy policies or not.
bad: that i had to turn down a totally ToTaLLy awesome job because of what i'd have to write about. their posting was anonymous, so i didn't know what i was getting into when i applied. i really thought hard about it but realized i just couldn't swallow a senior writer gig *there*, because i just don't get *them*. a one-off i could probably swing. full time hack? nope. and that sucks.

good: i may be jinxing it, but today looks to be light. here's to more writing!
bad: none because la la la a pox on the jinxing!

a productive week+

since my last post, a little over a week ago, i have written 3 pieces. 3 solid, funny pieces. if that's not progress then i don't know what is. other than the obvious benefit of actually *writing*, here are the other benefits to teh funny:

1. it's easier to come up with good ideas.
2. it's shorter, and therefore faster, to write than anything else.
3. since it's easier and shorter, i've actually *finished* 3. as opposed to not finishing anything i've started over the last year.
4. distractions do not interrupt the flow of writing. in fact, sometimes they help (see #1). this is also huge, because when i'm writing something more =serious= it can take me a while to get into the right zone.
5. speaking of distractions, it doesn't seem to matter what music i listen to while i'm engaged in funny bidness. ROCK ON.
6. i get to laugh while i'm doing it. or just thinking about it.

my first piece, called 'Superheroes at the Wheel', gets an audience in our writer's group, next saturday. we'll see what they think but as for min, i heard her laughing all the way from upstairs. i think this is a good sign.

59 is fine

last year i read 59 books. if you want to know what i *thought* of those books in detail, then you should add me as a friend on goodreads. but suffice to say, some of them were excellent and others, not.

that averages out to a little more than 1 a week. that much reading sounds like a good excuse for my not writing, but the truth is i wrote GOBS in 2008 -- i just wrote erratically. and while i know i love books, seeing those stats kind of surprised me, made me wonder if i should slow down. really carve out more time for writing. but then i know the right answer for that...

on that note, yesterday i finished this. it is a very funny book, but it could've been so much better. the idea of doing that - writing something funnier - really appeals to me. or if i'm going to start now, a-peel-s to me. it also reminds me of something i read recently in a writer's block article (which counts as procrastinating and being productive at the same time). the writer said:

if your publisher said they could only publish 1 book, what book would you write?

naturally this assumes you are still crippled by writer's block and have not started, or at least finished, said book. also this assumes you have a publisher.

i must've been hormonal at the time, because i answered: either a book about my upbringing, or obsession. given my history, there's some overlap there, but suffice to say, those are things i've already given a lot of attention, writing-wise. but today, after being disappointed in (but still enjoying) FRC, and then some *usual* facebook silliness, i had a revelation. i am very, very silly. witty, even, on a fairly regular basis. OMG I SHUD B FUNI RITER.

now, i get how hard it is to be funny. the truth is, if you're trying to get people to laugh, it's much harder work than getting them to cry or feel sad with some sort of dramatic fiasco. this is just a guess because i'm (chicken) winging it, but it occurs to me that maybe this is tied to the whole 'it's easier to remember bad stuff than the good' mentality. somehow we can access those feelings much quicker - some of us can - and so moving from that semi-default, semi-serious place to laughter is just...trickier. it requires more leaps for our brain.

then again maybe this is just a great excuse for all the failed comedy writing out there.

at any rate, attacking humor instead of drama is also a great excuse for avoiding the stories i've started over the last 12 months, and starting something new instead. where i go from here is a big fat mystery, since humor is both nowhere and everywhere.

speaking of everywhere, here is just one of the random ideas that popped in, thanks to one of the many lists i'm on. there was a request for a Jogging Stroller. immediately i thought:

wanted: Jogging Stroller, Running Refrigerator, and Sauntering Microwave

there's so many places you could go with something like this. and that's the point. these are the kind of things that run through my brain ALL the time, and i think it's about time i started making better use of my humor-related ADD.

downtime sorta sucks

especially if you're, let's say, also struck with writer's block. the funny thing is that i did start a new story the other day, but when i find myself with time to think about - and work on - it, i get frozen. the thought of penning anything further just stops me in my tracks.

i am sure it doesn't help that this, and the story i'd started late last year, involve a lot of personal history mining. i didn't mind mining, i suppose, but i think i'm getting frozen (in advance, mind you) thinking about the inevitable sharing of said stories -- for example, min is in my writer's group.

how do people ever write semi-autobiographical stories? at least about people who are still alive. i can't turn off that damned internal Nice Girl for more than an hour at a time, it seems, before she just clams up. and sure, i could write pure-on fiction. but this other stuff is clogging up the drain, and so nothing lovely is getting through. or rather, nothing inordinately clunky. a little clunky i don't mind, but this...

besides work and being creatively cranky, things have been all right. we've been working through this, i took down 80% of our christmas tree, finally went to the (somewhat disappointing) downtown library, the world was coated in white for most of sunday, and i have eaten here twice in the last week. carbolicious!

in closing, i would like to thank the facebook gods for being occasionally diverting.
that is all.

what, i'm posting already?

i know, less than a month and here i am again. wtf? i blame it on a variety of things:

1. my mom is moving out. when? hard to say, because she has to wait for her rental application to go through. where's she moving? BACK WITH MY DAD.

apparently she has to re-apply to live there, and that can take a while, so she'll still be with us a few more weeks til that settles. meantime she's with him this weekend - their anniversary, wouldn't you know - as a 'let's see how this goes+couples therapy' round.

yes therapy, which is the sole reason i feel partly ok about her going. it's not that i want them to stay apart - a big part of me wants them together - but i want them to do so *smartly*. you know, when my dad has not only taken some responsibility for his actions, but had time to prove he's being responsible. the operative words in that sentence are responsible and time. i think he is starting the responsible thing, but time? he's just started. there's no way to tell if this is all a ruse to get my mom back. it's not like there haven't been ruses the other 5-odd times she's left before.

but i digress. and in a surprising move, i told my mom exactly why i thought this was a bad idea, at this point in their process. normally i keep my mouth shut - her life and all. but surprise, she's living with us, so i'm a little more invested, and plus her being right there apparently forced my mouth open.

2. i am insanely bored at work. note, i have plenty to do, for the most part -- i just want to do something else. and i want to BE somewhere else, in an environment that is not so restrictive. but, because of the upcoming whirlygig removal (late feb, woo) i'm not going anywhere for a while. but after, well...we'll see.

on that note, i am incredibly grateful for my job. i know so many people have been laid off, work mind-numbing, back-breaking jobs and i'm grateful that mine requires neither. well, the mind-numbing, at times, but usually doesn't last long. anyway, i'm keeping my eyes and ears open is alls i gots to say.

3. i am realizing i need to get some more friends. another earth-shatterer i know. but i am talking about people i can go to the movies with, people here. i have plennnnty of online friends. i want someone to go to dinner with, hike, and in the past i've made most of my friends at work. that isn't working as well here, which means i need to branch out. it's frustrating because, honestly, i'm a little lazy when it comes to that. it's hard work and a lot easier to spend my weeknights or weekends running errands, watching tv or going for a drive. so, this is a kick in the pants note for myself.

4. i've had a serious writing problem for months. as in, not writing. what, you couldn't tell? you're so sweet lying to me like that, thanks. but it's true and i suspect/hope it may be ending soon because:

a) i've actually been *thinking* about writing the last week or so, and i hadn't thought about writing for a long time, but
b) i actually wrote this morning. it was just about a sexxxy dream i had last night (good morning!) but writing about all that passion, well, it fired the little Writer in me up.

so i am thinking good thoughts instead of the pessimistic ones. at least for a couple of hours.

ok that's it for now, time to get cracking on the day. hope you all are having a good weekend. :)

proof of boredom: 2 posts in the same week

i was really bored this morning. oh, i had work, but not enough of it, because i am a work-eating machine. so before i went to lunch, on facebook i set my status to:

Heather hopes, upon return to her desk, to be greeted by either work or inspiration.

and inspiration was what i got. i have work friends on facebook, and apparently one of them decided my hope should take the form of a post-it.

fine by me. it's staying in front of my keyboard so that i remember to take a break - mental or otherwise - more often. and, what i really meant by inspiration was, inspiration to write.

i am in a serious funk when it comes to penning any fiction, and haven't written anything new in almost two months. before this was about work insanity but the last few days, every time i think about writing i hear 'work on your goals!' from the bosslady in my head, so i drudge through personal improvement training instead.

this is another form of procrastination and i know it. the truth is, nothing is moving me long enough to write. post-post-it, i even opened up a file called 'inspiration' and started pasting in tidbits from this awesome site i randomly found the other day. i had a whole page of it, and then i had to go somewhere - for a walk? yes, after more mind-numbing training - and when i came back, i just stared at them tidbits. yeah? so? interesting? but apparently not enough.

so. any of you writers or creative types -- has this happened to you, and what the hell did you do to break out of it? do i just need a vacation? yes, i have been stressed with family stuff, but i don't think that explains it all. i'm just really having a hard time getting started, hearing a story. and yes i just figured out i need to hear at least part of the story before i begin.

ok any of you with ideas, please hammer 'em into me.

the perfect gift

the other day, as i was doing research on my newest story, the internet brought me the perfect gift:

this is from my (onetime) hometown newspaper, the coquille valley sentinel. in case you're wondering, that's pronounced Ko-Keel (internets gave me that, too). other highlights from this page include "Family Goes North" and "Cookie Press Used" and a disney ad for the movie Castaways. good times!

and yes yes, i uploaded these but copyright to all the peoples said inside the master image above.

faith will play a huge role in the story. though i may not have given my religious past a lot of lip service, believe you me -- it is there in spades. as such, i've got a new picture for ya:

and as further proof, yesterday i put this song in my head, reminiscing about rocking out in the car. told you i used to roll for the big kahuna.

3 weeks without a post

thanks to work and its unholy love of eye-numbing, scope-creeped css projects. so yeah, i'm alive, and i love you, but it'll probably be another week before i start being able to breathe. i had a whole day without the little monster (yesterday) but now it's back. thanks, yo.

i want to hear from you lurkers. what are you doing? why aren't i hearing about it on your blogs? if *i* can post at least once a month, so can you. consider yourself on notice!

in other news, all this work is distorting my passion for writing. any of you writers out there -- have you ever gotten wonderful feedback+praise on a piece, only to feel completely pessimistic about continuing work on said piece? that's exactly what happened to me saturday afternoon, a few hours after my writer's group. my 1st thought was, wtf? i haven't had time for many 2nd thoughts because i haven't had time to fictionalize much (see above). i am sure it's just some of that legendary neurotic writer business but still -- annoying.

finally, i want to thank longbottom for creating an iced german chocolate mocha. it is second only to the butterfingery mocha goodness in cambria and no, i don't yearn for that on a regular basis.

a few words on words

remember how i sort of mentioned i've started a new story? at that point, i'd written 292 words. i've been so busy, it's been hard to get out much else until yesterday, when things seemed to have slowed a bit. and between now and then i've written another 2397 words, putting me at 2689 words in around 6 hours.

that may not sound like a lot, but considering the snail's pace of my other book, this is lightning fast. it helps that i don't have to research much; i am borrowing history from several people i know, but mostly pilfering my own life to come up with a sordid bit of fiction. and yes i'm changing tons of details, protecting the not so innocent.

another oddity, for me, is stumbling into using first person instead of third (i did vs. heather did), and wow...first person is powerful, when you're talking about something painful. the emotional weight of one scene made me a little nauseous; i had to stop a couple times. i suppose that bodes well for it grabbing a reader's interest...

meantime i'm dredging up memories (mine and borrowed), and it's making me feel weird about the next time i see my parents. min says, maybe this is your way of dealing with some of your past. maybe it is. i can tell it's good to do so, but damn is it intense.

pretty-random

craziness at work makes for a dull blog, and very little creative writing, which makes me a sad monkey. but in the interests of giving YOU fodder, here's a couple highlights from the last week:

• get thee to a punnery
  
• post-rapture help and - my favorite - letters and advice on procuring a post-rapture bible
  
• how to make your AA woman happy
  
• and finally, a new story-related picture:
  
  

is this for the story i'm over 16,000 words into? of course not.

just a little prick

as promised, here is where you can find my little ficlets for june. i have two bits published, 'History Lesson' and 'Southern Discomfort'.

incidentally, 'History Lesson' was inspired after seeing some old, creepy, and strangely beautiful photographs. check it out if you like, but warning, it involves photos of the deceased.

the phantom premise

apparently i can't write any more today. not the book, anyway, which is sad because i was really tooling along for an hour or so. i'm at 14,717 words now, i'm in the middle of a scene, with more good stuff around the corner, but apparently it's friday and i'm tapped out for now.

but i still want to do something mildly creative, so here i am. :)

incidentally, i have permanently adjusted to not really working. or to be precise, exchanging 1-4 hours per day of Actual Work in exchange for getting to write and/or fuck around. most days it's about 2 hours. since i'm getting paid to write, it will probably take a natural disaster to make me quit. so yes, i've decided this job is a true blessing.

in other news, you may have heard that oregon is one of the few states left with a primary. it's next tuesday and incidentally, ALL mail-in. this was a pleasant surprise; my last few years in cali i'd gone absentee, because i hate taking off time from work only to wait in a long line that does not involve roller coasters.

anyway, this is the first time min and i have voted for different folks. she has been a clinton supporter forever, and while there are things i admire about clinton...at the moment, the things i *don't* like about her are winning out.

and why am i telling you all this? because i hate the idea of a wasted vote. we don't have to be of one mind, not at all. but knowing that we are going to cancel each other out, it offends my political sensibilities.

in another fit of random, hot damn is it damn hot. wunderground says NINETY-TWO right now and no that is not normal for here. probably going to hit 95 in the next hour, right when i'm driving home. for the record i do not like heat. if you've met me, you can guess why. hint: i have been accused of vitamin E deficiency.

i think i'm tapped out again. let's call it monitor-induced apathonia and leave it at that. have a good weekend!

wheee!

two more pieces at Pen Pricks next month! just found out. yay me!

will post a link june first, when they go up. :):)

foray for fifty-fivers

one of the writing lists i'm on introduced me to a site called Pen Pricks, which publishes 55-word fictionettes on a monthly basis. i have an entry called "Shopaholic" - bout 3/4 down the page. there's tons of great entries, and obviously these make for a quick read, which is nice for those with no attention span.

and if you feel adventurous, submit your own! 55 words aren't that hard to churn out. although, composing *exactly* 55 words in an interesting manner...well yes, that can be tricky.

she blinded me with science

in lieu of pictures, since my book hasn't changed locales for a while, i give you a portion - roughly 25% - of today's science reading. unless you have a BS (and who doesn't love BS?), or an extreme love of protein, you'll probably need a Thinking Cap. don't say i didn't warn you.

• transformation station
  
• protein love
  
• prokaryotic transcription
  
• protein prognosticating
  
• bacterial conjugation

for future reference, this is proof of my extreme geekitude.

ok enough with the work, people

since i'm over the 10,000 word mark, i'm trying to keep writing and these oodles of work tickets are not helping. neither is packrat, now that liz has shown me the folly of my former ways. damn you, internets!!

um...

it's been a slow day, work wise. i actually *did* have work this morning, and a bit at lunchtime, but since i'm a little speed demon, really i've only worked, hmm, an hour today. throw in some blogreading and facebook time, and you'll see i still had plenty of time to write. today's count so far -- and it's only 243pm, people -- is 1307. that puts me at 8974 words total, and while i am happy to be making such uninterrupted progress, at the same time...apparently i can't handle doing the same thing for hours on end. i am interrupting myself, this very post a perfect representation of my inability to focus.

oh and i KNOW i already wrote about this before, but hey, bloggers have to whine sometimes, don't they? so nyah. i wonder how long i can put up with this weird schedule.

while i'm here, in other news...

- if any of you hold Good Vibes (or PrayerTix), feel free to send some to min. she is having more stupid doctor trouble.
- my eyes love attracting pollen like a presidential candidate loves wooing superdelegates.
- i work with a very nice group of people, and yesterday i found out one of them reeeally enjoys my bill moyer podcast collection. and yes, carol, that's your fault.
- this place has a love of safety signs that cannot be denied or left unmocked. i suspect a post about them lurks in my future.

ok back to writing...time for a little molecular biology, woo!

winter is cold for those with memories in my book

well, it is, despite the mixed weather seen here and on my desktop:

pretty, no? word count's up to 7667 as of this afternoon - woo!