Saturday, January 05, 2008

for those who are about to withdraw, i salute you

i landed on the couch, with my dinner, around 715pm tonight, and went in search of something to hold my attention while munching.

normally political debate does not hold my attention. while i enjoy political discussion now and then (and political lampooning, always), it's usually boring as shit.

but tonight's new hampshire debate was not. it was insightful, smart, ridiculous, fascinating, and all around entertaining, in more ways than one.

and now, a 30-second summation of each candidate's performance.

(Giganticus Elephantia Republicannis)

McCain - Way to call Romney a liar, to his face. I call Celebrity Death Match!
Thompson - Go back to acting, where you can only ramble due to a bad script. Please.
Paul - Maybe you should try acting. Have Thompson get you a gig on L&O, and you can ramble together. I like you for a passionate prosecutor who throws the case due to sudden-onset Alzheimer's.
Romney - Congratulations on your ability to deflect/not answer questions until you've been asked them 10 times! That takes skill, man.
Huckabee - Good thing your name stands out. Not much else does.
Giuliani - I know about terror and healthcare and zzzZZZZ

(Melodromaticus Donkeyito Democratinum)

Edwards - Congratulations on announcing the Edwards-Obama ticket!
Obama - Congratulations on announcing the Obama-Edwards ticket!
Richardson - Are you through yet? I can't tell when you've finished a thought.
Clinton - Thanks for letting us see your feelings -- the good ones, and the not-so-flattering ones, too.

thank god for the political process. four hours of entertainment, for free! well, after sponsorship by facebook, abc and someone else, but hey, if the corporations and celebrities don't bring me my candidates, then i don't know how i'm supposed to make an informed decision.

yay for the free market!


gs said...

I thinkyou have a great future as a political commentator! Your commentary was just as informative as the ones on NPR, and a lot more interesting.

heather said...

hah! thanks, gs. the debate really *was* entertaining, so that was incredibly easy to write. now if only the colbert report or daily show would hire me...