unspoken

min recently started blogging again. i'm very glad, because she needs an outlet just like i do. however, i actually read her blog (she doesn't read mine anymore) and so today she had a post that included a "quote" from me.

the quote was something i never said. something i've never even thought. however it WAS something SHE said. i remember it very clearly because it startled me.

i've tried to gently correct this misremembrance before, but since it has to do with me wanting to be with other people, it's tricky. i understand how she could think that i might have these feelings, and that it might even seem natural given the situation (especially at the time, which was back in april). might even be easier to believe that i just needed a good fuck than the truth, which is that i was bereft on a much larger scale.

at any rate, i'm sorry that that i withheld my feelings and i imagine i'll be apologizing for that til the day i die, although obviously the problems in our relationship are the result of both of us. i wrote to her about all this tonight, hoping that in written form, i am easier to assimilate. and believe. we shall see.

meantime - i'm sad and frustrated. we're doing better in some ways, but this monkey is still not off our backs. and i hate it.