choose your own adventure

over the last week i have:

spent 42 hours in the same clothes
screamed and laughed at almost the same instant
admitted to truths that should remain hidden
lied to keep the status quo
reveled in fruits forbidden and permissable
felt, caused, and tried to alleviate pain
enjoyed and despised silence
taken the road well travelled
wanted the other road more than life itself

i've been:
reckless
responsible
cavalier
compassionate
selfish
selfless

and most importantly, i would imagine, is that i've been without much sleep in the last two days (45 minutes in total). in other words, all the above is true, but that doesn't mean i'm not being slightly melodramatic, either, due to lack of REM. sorry to be cryptic, but there are some things you just can't blog about in intimate detail about without avoiding interpersonal crises. and yes i know that by saying that, i leave myself open to having to deal with it later. later is fine. this is enough honesty for today.

on the other hand, maybe i'm just chickenshit. maybe someday i will be a little braver and say what i really feel instead of what i think or filtering it all first. on the other other hand, maybe i should just shut up.

ok enough. i need to go to bed. and since i crammed enough metaphor and angst into the beginning of this post, here's a more legible update:

min's surgery appears to have gone smoothly. however, her recovery is not so swell. insane amounts of pain and nausea, which began to get mildly, mildly under control this afternoon. tonight she got another special cocktail from the doctor that seemed to bring things down to a 7/10 for the first time in almost 2 days. so i'm hoping she will get some solid rest tonight. her sister lori is with her (i spent last night, woo) now thru 6pm thursday. that means i can go to work tomorrow for the whole day! ironic that it's the day we're doing an offsite of a purportedly quite silly nature. good thing i can be pretty damn silly. in any case, it promises to be a diversion and i do welcome that since i'm feeling the tiniest bit loopy.

that's my cue. head: hit pillow!