Friday, July 14, 2006

a mini-update

mini in terms of just covering today and yesterday. :-p luckily it hasn't been tooo bad today. i'll have SuperAngst and then i'll quickly redirect myself, occupy my time some other way.

incidentally min made me a cd yesterday with love songs. some rock even! so sweet. and gave me a little pic of us from a month or two ago, in a little frame. so i have it right here next to me. i am not super jazzed about how i look of course, but it is a good shot of her. and i like having it right there so i can stay focused. oh and also a very sweet love letter.

went to lunch today with Princess I. was good to visit with her! and since she'd read some of my blog, she wanted to talk about all the relationship fun that's been going on for me. she and i had not gotten together in, i don't know, maybe 2 years? at least a year for sure. so we had a lot of ground to cover.

it was good to have that perspective, to try to cover bad (mostly past) to better (recent) and get reminded that things really are getting better over all. we still have SO far to go, but things are in fact progressing.

note: that does not mean that i no longer struggle with:
- emotional fidelity to min (in general)
- a paralyzing ache for AG
- abundant self-hate for the above

quite the opposite. let's just say that i've cried more this year, i suspect, than in my preceding 33.92 years. and look! the year isn't even over yet! i should start a water reclamation facility.

anyway, i get it - things are doing better, but they're still very difficult, and there is a lot of ground that still needs to be covered. that reminds me, a recent entrant to the Things About Me That Are Really Annoying list is: realizing that my boredom threshold is *insanely* high.

now, i always knew i got bored easy. but for the most part i could handle it if i just had *something* to do. but i'll tell you - here in webdev, the spells of having very little to do are much longer than they were in content. and i don't like that. i do find things to keep myself relatively busy (let's hear a cheer for documentation!)...but i don't enjoy them. i need higher caliber distractions. that means blogs, interesting emails, fun-Knee emails, IMs...whatever i can get.

this is mostly when i'm at work, too. otherwise i can find a variety of activities or places to go to for self-entertainment. at any rate, the problem is: i get bored, and then before long i start musing/obsessing on one of the issues listed above. so - not good.

anyway that's it for now. i'm not up for recapping the last two weeks. i'll have to do that later, maybe this weekend. there really has been a lot to cover. :-D

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