Monday, December 04, 2006


despite not really feeling like i've changed that much in the two months (ok, 7 wks 6 days) min was away, i guess i really have. some of this has (apparently) been apparent on this blog, but most of it i've just felt in my heart and mind.

anyway, i'd realized some of this over the last few weeks, but i really didn't feel a need to articulate it much until i had another person here asking me questions. ;-)

yesterday, amid a flurry of craft fair visitations, we went to oakland for yet more craftiness. on the drive up she asked me about something that i *deplore* talking about: AG.

what with all i've said to date regarding AG, that might surprise some of you, but it's true. and in this case, i deplore talking about AG not because of how i feel about her, but because of what that relationship means to min. so: she asked me how it was going.

well the truth is it's going really great. and by that i mean, there's nothing happening at all and barely even care. i haven't talked to her in, well, almost 2 months. i stopped reading her blog ages ago and i don't get email from her anymore.

granted, the early period of withdrawal was brutal. and to be clear, i don't feel like my actual feelings for her have changed. but my awareness of her, her impact on me even if she wasn't trying to impact me whatsoever, has dimished to the point that..well, like i said, i almost don't care if that ever changes.

and even more, at this point i don't WANT it to change. things are going ok for min and i right now, it feels like, and i'm hoping that with work and love it'll just get better.

incidentally - and i noticed this when i was getting reports during her trip - min seems to have more energy. gets up earlier, has more energy, period, during the day. still has all the pain, but seems to be doing better managing it. i seriously did not think that when she got here late saturday, we'd be able to go out and have fun most of sunday, but we did. i know that sounds like a little thing but believe me, that's a substantial improvement. it makes me feel hopeful, for both of us.

there are other ways i feel like i've changed in the last 2 months but i'm getting tired, it's been a long day (thanks clearcase) and this post is long enough already. :-)

ps. i really am addicted to wordie. i've added 15 more words since my last post.
pps. psst: think good thoughts for me thursday afternoon.


wen said...

what is thursday? i'm happy to send good thoughts, just tell me what they're going towards! :)

Dharma said...

I'm thinking something about a job. Right? Done. Or rather will do. Yes, changes are evident my dear and so far they look very good on you.

gs said...

This is somewhat OT, and I don't mean to trivialize what you've been through, but I'm a big fan of Rex Stout's Nero Wolfe stories, and the narrator of those stories is Archie Goodwin. He always signs his notes to Wolfe "AG," and he even has luggage monogrammed "AG." So every time I read "AG" in your posts I have a brief moment of disorientation when I think, "Why's she talking about Archie Goodwin?"

heather said...

hah, that's funny, gs!