good morning

why yes i'm still here. although, admittedly, usually i am over *there*.

this has been a crazy week. probably because i am covering for my boss plus still doing my regular job. oh, and the car broke down. but thankfully, like most weeks, it's getting better as it goes. hopefully i have not just jinxed myself by saying that.

monday was me & min's 13-year anniversary. we went out to troutdale for a picnic and walk. part of the walk was going to be downtown but apparently they decided to celebrate memorial day by not working. so then we went to see termin@tor 4 (not that great) followed by a quick trip to powell's. who can argue with books?

look at me, being chatty. so what's up with you?

happy friday!

hi,
i am a combination of really busy, and really lazy.
other than that, i have no excuse for not writing.
well, except for a horrible cold that lasted a week.
does it help to know that i'm not doing any writing on the side, either?
work emails don't count.

but, i finished my site redesign. is it up yet? well, you can peek...
but no, i won't finish updating the main site til i get home tonight...or this weekend...
but it does feel really good to have that done.
but now i have to redo my resumes and THAT will take longer
but, go me for having a less-cluttered site.
but will that help with the scrilla?

time will tell.
time also travels and i hope to see some of that this weekend, when i take my parents to see the new Star Trek.
time for that was supposed to be last weekend but apparently, last weeked was:
time for my sinuses to go bananas.

speaking of bananas, i'm outta here!
and i will try to be more interesting next time.
oh wait! here's my current desktop:

ok now you can't say i'm not entertaining.
END TRANS

RAWR

another meaningless, yet fairly insightful, quiz for me to pretend i'm offering content to you on a regular basis:

You Are a Snow Leopard

You have learned that you must rely on yourself, and yourself alone, to live a happy life. You are understand the world better than most people you know. You are very perceptive and intuitive. You need lots of space to think. If you don't get the space you need, you're likely to bite someone's head off. Because you are so thoughtful and solitary, people find you to be intense and mysterious. You're even seen as intimidating.

What Big Cat Are You?

btw the up and coming news i alluded to last time? not happening. sorry, folks. but there is always tomorrow...

um...howdy!

yeah so i've been neglecting you. would you believe me if i said i'm sorry? how about if i said i'm sorry plus made this face to represent my shame?

3 weeks without a post! i'm sure i've gone longer, but there's just no excuse, really. i mean, it's not like i've been doing any of these things:

so really, other than the usual yawn-worthy excuses of mind-numbing work and the necessities of modern life, i have no answer for why i have failed you so desperately in supplying entertainment, particularly in the arena that is the web log, or "blog", if you will. no excuse at all.

unless, of course, you are willing to consider the notion that something big is around the corner. something exciting. something that literally could turn your mind to this:

is such a thing coming? is it possible? do i - do we - dare to dream of such a day?

time will tell. but don't believe everything you hear. time also can fly, but only under the right conditions.

you have been warned.

downtime sorta sucks

especially if you're, let's say, also struck with writer's block. the funny thing is that i did start a new story the other day, but when i find myself with time to think about - and work on - it, i get frozen. the thought of penning anything further just stops me in my tracks.

i am sure it doesn't help that this, and the story i'd started late last year, involve a lot of personal history mining. i didn't mind mining, i suppose, but i think i'm getting frozen (in advance, mind you) thinking about the inevitable sharing of said stories -- for example, min is in my writer's group.

how do people ever write semi-autobiographical stories? at least about people who are still alive. i can't turn off that damned internal Nice Girl for more than an hour at a time, it seems, before she just clams up. and sure, i could write pure-on fiction. but this other stuff is clogging up the drain, and so nothing lovely is getting through. or rather, nothing inordinately clunky. a little clunky i don't mind, but this...

besides work and being creatively cranky, things have been all right. we've been working through this, i took down 80% of our christmas tree, finally went to the (somewhat disappointing) downtown library, the world was coated in white for most of sunday, and i have eaten here twice in the last week. carbolicious!

in closing, i would like to thank the facebook gods for being occasionally diverting.
that is all.

what, i'm posting already?

i know, less than a month and here i am again. wtf? i blame it on a variety of things:

1. my mom is moving out. when? hard to say, because she has to wait for her rental application to go through. where's she moving? BACK WITH MY DAD.

apparently she has to re-apply to live there, and that can take a while, so she'll still be with us a few more weeks til that settles. meantime she's with him this weekend - their anniversary, wouldn't you know - as a 'let's see how this goes+couples therapy' round.

yes therapy, which is the sole reason i feel partly ok about her going. it's not that i want them to stay apart - a big part of me wants them together - but i want them to do so *smartly*. you know, when my dad has not only taken some responsibility for his actions, but had time to prove he's being responsible. the operative words in that sentence are responsible and time. i think he is starting the responsible thing, but time? he's just started. there's no way to tell if this is all a ruse to get my mom back. it's not like there haven't been ruses the other 5-odd times she's left before.

but i digress. and in a surprising move, i told my mom exactly why i thought this was a bad idea, at this point in their process. normally i keep my mouth shut - her life and all. but surprise, she's living with us, so i'm a little more invested, and plus her being right there apparently forced my mouth open.

2. i am insanely bored at work. note, i have plenty to do, for the most part -- i just want to do something else. and i want to BE somewhere else, in an environment that is not so restrictive. but, because of the upcoming whirlygig removal (late feb, woo) i'm not going anywhere for a while. but after, well...we'll see.

on that note, i am incredibly grateful for my job. i know so many people have been laid off, work mind-numbing, back-breaking jobs and i'm grateful that mine requires neither. well, the mind-numbing, at times, but usually doesn't last long. anyway, i'm keeping my eyes and ears open is alls i gots to say.

3. i am realizing i need to get some more friends. another earth-shatterer i know. but i am talking about people i can go to the movies with, people here. i have plennnnty of online friends. i want someone to go to dinner with, hike, and in the past i've made most of my friends at work. that isn't working as well here, which means i need to branch out. it's frustrating because, honestly, i'm a little lazy when it comes to that. it's hard work and a lot easier to spend my weeknights or weekends running errands, watching tv or going for a drive. so, this is a kick in the pants note for myself.

4. i've had a serious writing problem for months. as in, not writing. what, you couldn't tell? you're so sweet lying to me like that, thanks. but it's true and i suspect/hope it may be ending soon because:

a) i've actually been *thinking* about writing the last week or so, and i hadn't thought about writing for a long time, but
b) i actually wrote this morning. it was just about a sexxxy dream i had last night (good morning!) but writing about all that passion, well, it fired the little Writer in me up.

so i am thinking good thoughts instead of the pessimistic ones. at least for a couple of hours.

ok that's it for now, time to get cracking on the day. hope you all are having a good weekend. :)

happy belated anniversary

yesterday was our 1-year anniversary of moving from california to oregon. am i still happy with that decision? see my obama post as metaphorical preview of coming paragraphs.

my job may be a little busier than i'd like -- although obviously i have enough time to write this today! - but at least i have a job. if i'd stayed in california, as a mediocre developer, i'm sure i would have been laid off. instead i'm on a team where my skillz pass for superior. go mediocrity! and, go occasional time for writing at mostly-mellow workplace.

and though i need to work on making more friends, at least we have a pretty friendly crew here. my writing group is pretty cool too, and speaking of words, hope to hit wordstock this weekend. if nothing else, this town is a fan of words. as you might imagine, that warms my heart a wee bit.

one of the main reasons we moved up was to be closer to my parents. now my mom is a lot closer than i'd anticipated - and that is going fine, thank you - but obviously with heartwrenching results. in the fallout from that, my dad has written me and min off as being untrustworthy and, i'm sure, a host of unflattering things he won't say to our face but directs to my sister and mother via email. classy. also classy is his attempt to woo other women while still trying to get my mom back. quite the prize, he is.

otherwise life is mostly the same, i'd guess, as it would've been in california...except that almost every day i go outside, i am stunned at all the beauty around me. not that i didn't ever note beauty in the sparkling smogopolis of san jose, but in addition to the air, there's just all the green, orange, blue, and (yes) rainbow of colors that perpetually surround us.

so yeah. color me happy to be home again.

an update on my odd little world

• things are entirely too busy at work.
  
• but i got a teeny soda can acknowledging my contributions!
  
• a new person just joined our team, so maybe things will get better...in a month, when they're trained
  
• my mom finally came for Her Weekend of Processing
  
• yes it was productive...and long.
  
• yes she says she's leaving my dad. in fact, she says it will be next weekend
  
• i'm not holding my breath
  
• she's coming to stay with us...temporarily. she says she's excited about getting her own place
  
• not holding my breath there either.
  
• mom in the house will be good for min (for several reasons) but a big one is:
  
• about a month ago, min stopped driving. she's having (more) forgetful+depth perception-type issues. so it'll be good to have another driver in the house, for a while
  
• i am really proud of min for making that decision. my dad should've done that a long time ago.
  
• and of course, i am proud of my mom, taking some of the steps she needs to feel good about herself
  
• i will be even prouder if she actually does what she needs to by next weekend
  
  and most importantly:
  
• there needs to be a ghirardelli store in portland

progress report

in lieu of a rambly post, here's a general rundown on the last month.

* ~35 degree days i've been able to go *comfortably* coatless: 5
* times i've had to scrape ice off the car: 3
* hours spent researching/plotting novel: ~30
* hours actually writing: ~8
* words to date: 3571
* number of holidays (familial, cultural): 4
* hours i've spent actually working on the job: 16 (includes 12 hours of meetings)
* so, hours of not working: 127
* books read: 6 (8 by april 1)
* average book rating: 3/5
* new coffeehouses located: 1
* times i have felt grateful (this week!): 5

a spot of ramble

it was another quiet week at work, with more spells where i actually got to read a book. even weirder, apparently such spells are not abnormal. once i get into a non-training schedule, it will be interesting to see if i can actually write at work. in the meantime, i'm getting paid to read and play scrabulous, plus do a little work, and that ain't shabby, folks.

it's been a mellow weekend too, haven't felt well, but my mom is coming up so we can grab a bite and possibly a movie. probably a 2nd run, still not a lot of scrilla, but it shouldn't be hard to top the last movie i saw, which was the worst book rendition i've ever seen. the book? great. the movie, holy kiwi.

have any of you been in a writing group? i'll be joining one shortly, one that's just starting, and so if you have any advice, give it up. i'm looking forward to some writing accountability -- i know it's the only way i'll write on a regular basis, despite *thinking* about writing every single day. so here's to some caffiene-punctuated progress, since we're meeting at the home of my favorite coffee dispenser, borders.

and what's up with the rest of you? some of you've been a little quiet lately. snowflake's the only one getting a pass, since she hurt her back, poor thing. but the rest of you - speak up!

good thing i'm not addictive

since i'm still not posting much. you can chalk that up to being more than a little stressed and busy trying to manage my current financial, automotive and employment status. surprise surprise.

well, while i am still without a job, and feeling inordinately frustrated about how long that's taking (and the dwindling opportunities), i am happy to report unexpected progress in the other two categories. out of the blue, a week ago my mom's disability (ssi/ssdi) application got approved, hallelujah! this was out of the blue because, for example, they'd previously said she had to fill out additional paperwork (a few months ago) and my mom hadn't done it yet.

thank god for goverment redundancies, because they approved it anyway, and she got her backpay just a few days ago. this led my parents to loan us some major scrilla -- enough to last us a couple months AND get a replacement car... to replace our saturn, yes, but also the car they'd already lent us...yes, THEIR only car, and no i didn't ask for any of that! we were having dinner with my mom and she said, 'i knew there was only one reason for this money to come now. it came for you.'

i really don't like entertaining what we'd have had to do if this money had NOT come. so i won't. i will just say thank you, thank you so much, and try to keep being worth this kind of reward.

i wanted to get a replacement car quickly for two reasons:

1. my parents deserve their car back, especially since it takes us 45 minutes to get there if an errand needs a'runnin.
2. i hate driving their car. it's old, and it complains every way it can, routinely offending some combination of visual, auditory and olfactory senses.

being the penny pincher that i am, i had initially planned to spend only a thousand bucks on a new car. yes i know that means i'd get a crappy car. i don't care, i just need one to last a few months til i can get another one. well, long story short, we spent closer to 2, and this is what we got instead:



it's a 95 0ldsmobile aurora and yes it comes with the sunny backsplash. after all, it does rain here. it's not in perfect condition -- it is old, and has more miles than i'd like -- but for the most part, and especially for its age, it does seem in rather shiny condition. it's being prepped for final departure from the dealer, who's giving it a tune-up and finessing other fiddly bits before turning it over to us next week. i have never heard of a dealer doing this on a used car, but it's made me very glad we went there instead of Joe's Used Car Lot, where the surprises would come a la carte, post-purchase.

so. i'm tired, and barring the lack of job or (yay) medical issues in our household (which i am too annoyed to elaborate on), i'm happy. i'm happy and i feel incredibly grateful to be here, and to know that LBJ is surely keepin' an eye out for me and mine. and with that i'm going to bed to read. :)

enjoying the silence?

i know, after a bout of touretting i've been silent for 10 days. you can chalk that up to:

- a plethora of job interviews. a very good reason to be silent, no?
- listing, selling, packaging and shipping a variety of books, cds and dvds, to earn some scrilla
- a car accident

no one is hurt except for the car, which is in the shop as we speak. this happened friday night whilst min was making her way to whole f00ds. she was at a 3-way stop and apparently one of these people felt it was taking too long to go, so the person behind them (90 degrees to m's right) zipped around and plowed into the right side of our car.

thank god i stayed home, since that's right where i'd have been sitting.

the best part is that due to some credit card snafus (which some of you may recall), it turned out our car insurance had lapsed. not that we knew that at the time, though that's just for the best since she'd have been ticketed for it. it's being remedied now but suffice to say, we'll have to pay to get the car fixed, instead of insurance paying. this is doing wonders for my budding ulcer, in case you were curious.

i wasn't going to write about all this yet - maybe wait until tomorrow, which is currently unbooked - but the morning interview i had scheduled was cancelled on account of ice. which makes it the perfect time to blab to the internet.

and how are you doing?

the difference between $9/hr and...

well let's just say "significantly more than $9/hr", which for now represents my "normal going rate". anyway, i am at that point where, as long as a temporary job is close by (less than 10 miles, let's say) and parking is free, i'm willing to take a drastic, temporary pay cut so that we have money for things like, i don't know, food.

yes, next month's rent is covered. so are a few other things for the next several weeks, so we're ok, and i'm working very hard, as you might guess, to get a "regular" job. have an interview scheduled next week with someone very Technologically Prominent, so think lots of good thoughts for me. but in the meantime, in order to have a merry - instead of somewhat begruding - christmas, i've procured a temporary gig for a whopping $9/hr.

are you loving the run-on sentence fetish i apparently have tonight? i know i am.

anyway, i'm two days into this (supposed) four day gig and as you might guess, it involves some manual labor so suffice to say, i am tired. why'm i writing then? well apparently i feel a need to write, but also take a break from The Great Moving Escapades of 2007. although in another way, this is part of all that, too.

so. first temporary gig was supposed to be gift wrapping. i really liked the idea of that, because a) it was from 330-midnight, allowing me to interview during the day if i chose, b) i ADORE gift wrapping and c) i am good at it. however, that job was cancelled the next day (way to plan ahead). that same next day (confused?), there was a post for letter stuffing.

amazingly, this is something i have experience with, and no i am not talking about cramming a day's junk mail into one envelope en route to the garbage. a billion (ok, 9) years ago, in november, after we moved to california from montana and were struggling to find regular employment, our temp agency called with a great-sounding opportunity -- good scrilla for letter stuffing.

the job was in santa cruz, in a dark, drafty old barn (right around here, for those of you familiar with the area), and btw drafty is a euphemism for "bone-chillingly cold and persistent gusts of wind".

to add to its charm, this job was accompanied by
- surly employees
- overbearing, nitpicking and even surlier managers
- a dearth of chairs

this last item in particular, plus the poor ergonomic planning overall, was the real killer. i worked my ass -- well, arms, fingers and back -- off for 4 hours and finally had to call it quits. the repetitive motion with the arms, sure that sucks. reaching all the time, yeah that's difficult, too, if you're doing the same thing over and over. but also while standing in a 3 foot space? with no seat or break? and managers hovering constantly in the darkness behind you?

so you can see why i might've approached this job with some trepidation. but i am very happy to say that the only thing these two jobs seem to have in common is that there is letter stuffing-related activities going on. the boss man here, very mellow. there's a plethora of chairs, room -- and time -- to work, we got the tunes going, and for the most part, my cohorts (3 others were hired at the same time) are delightful to work with. i think it's the 'most part' bit that probably has me writing tonight, really, and here's why:

yesterday (day 1), when we came back from lunch, the very nice woman (VNW) i'd been working with asked, 'did i eat?' i was a little startled - i'd told her earlier that i brought my lunch - but replied, 'yep!'

VNW then went and asked the lone male cohort (LMC) if he had eaten over the break.

no, LMC said, shaking his head.

VNW proceeds to offer half her sandwich to LMC. he accepts, and as he munches, i swear his face was sheer gratitude. i then immediately thought of the furniture we still need help moving upstairs (feel free to laugh), and of possibly offering him $20 - when this job ends - to come and serve as moving muscle for a (maximum) hour's worth of work. tried to get someone before but they flaked so - hey, i'll give it to someone who's more desperate, yeah? i mean, he doesn't even have enough food to eat.

this (observing) was my sole interaction with LMC until today, day 2. well, other than observing him being verrry chatty with the other female cohort, all day yesterday. okay, today -- more of the same chattiness until it happens that he and i end up being seated near each other, when he lapses into almost complete silence.

naturally LMC can't match for my capacity for being mute, and ultimately begins talking to me, but even then it's still quite mundane. this results in amiable silence for a couple hours.

now it's 10 minutes before 5 -- quitting time. LMC has finished his activity and goes over to in-charge guy to ask for a quick task, since it's almost time to go. in-charge guy goes, 'well there's this bin that got sorted in reverse, you could switch it around like so (demonstrates) so that this is in descending order.'

i catch the last end of this and, realizing he's talking about a bin that *i* had done (twas the first one i'd done by myself -- i'd been responsible for other parts of the process, previously), walk over to say, 'oh, did i do that one in the wrong order?'

in-charge guy says, 'yeah, it's no big deal, it'll just take a few minutes to fix.' he nods and pushes the bin towards LMC.

LMC immediately turns to me and says, 'well actually, since you screwed this one up, why don't you fix it, and i'll go take over your pasting job.'

i may have smirked, sneered, or even smiled, i don't know. what i said was, 'sure, no problem.' because it was my mistake, and plus, i could care less what letter-related task i'm actually doing -- it's all tedium.

but what i thought was, you ass. you just screwed yourself out of $20. because seriously, if you think that by somehow trying to malign my 'worthiness' as a temporary $9/hr employee, by speaking in a condescending manner to me in front of our junior supervisor, is going to somehow ... affect my employment? make me do better? be extra nice (instead of merely courteous) to you?

i don't think so.

i get sunday off. woo! hopefully there will be a mix of chores and some christmas-related activities. maybe even - dare i say it - books. *swoon*

a random series of events

since i haven't posted much by way of a real update in the last several weeks. not that i'm making promises about this post, either. ;-)

• went and saw the new harry potter yesterday. i won't give anything away, but i will say that i enjoyed it much more than the previous movie, which i thought incredibly tedious. there was some tedium this time as well, but also more mystery, and a little darker. it also was the first time that i actually *wished* i had read the book (haven't read any of them) because there were a few references that didn't make sense. a couple times we went 'huh?' but just let it go.
  
  incidentally we saw the movie on a digital projection screen (for those of you nearby, oakridge mall) and WOW the picture quality was amazing. the screen is normal size but none of that occasional blurring, popping, or any kind of film distortion at all.
  
  
• started seeing a chiropractor. yes for the first time ever. i've always thought of being double-jointed a nice perk, but apparently the official term is hypermobility and if you extend that mobility a little too far, it can kinda mess you up. well, i extended my shoulder and wrist too far a few weeks ago (lugging around stuff in boston, then holding a baby in the same position for about 90 minutes straight). oops.
  
  as someone who's always done their own cracking, the visit was a little odd. but good of course, since she was able to get to a few places i never have. and naturally, learned about a few ways i've been accidentally making things worse. oops part deux.
  
  
• june was a bit of a writing dry spell, which i deplored, but i appear to be on the upswing. i mention this because the response i had to one piece kind of surprised me. i'm on this fab fab list called writerspark (if you like writing, i highly encourage you to join) whose main purpose is to send out a series of writing prompts each week. people send in their responses, critique...it's a fairly low-volume list these days due to people like me, who mostly lurk and hoard the prompts for later.
  
  well the other day one came in that just grabbed me:

  “It was the kind of promise…”
  Compose a piece of reasonable length that begins with or that includes the phrase above.

  immediately, in popped a little scene: mildly seductive banter (from me! can you believe it?) with two people in a coffee shop. but more to my upcoming point, it was a first person narrative where the actors were only identified as "i" and "she".
  
  now i would think, if a woman (that's me) wrote this, that people would assume this was a girl-on-girl encounter. apparently not. almost everyone i got feedback from assumed that "i" was a man. this in turn makes me wonder (assume?) that my readers were all straight. because i have a hard time believing that someone queer, reading my post, would make the same assumptions. i also would add, i think anyone who knows *me* would assume it was girl-on-girl action. because you know that's how i roll. ;-) anyway, it was an enlightening, if accidental, exercise in interpretation.

that's all for now. hope y'all are having a good weekend!

attitude of gratitude

i definitely have some things in my life for which i am not thankful, things i wish were different. however, today is about being thankful, and i am thankful for:

- this space to write
- the visitors who add to my life by commenting
- blogs of said visitors, who add to my life by their presence
- the ability to write, move, breathe, think freely
- a steady job
- 3 purring, licking furballs
- people who love me

i am blessed to have these things. i hope all of you have a moment today to reflect on the gifts in your life. happy thanksgiving :)