Monday, April 17, 2006

moving towards the truth, part III

so my last serial had me, in january, struggling with a) maintaining a healthy relationship with min b) falling out of love with one woman and c) my attraction to AG. and if i may jump to today for a moment, may i say that i think i'm doing pretty well. things are going a LOT better with min, i'm totally not in love with that other woman, and my longing for AG is fading, or at least it appears to be.

ok back to the past. so i talked with AG quite a bit over the next few months. and by talk i mean innocuous conversation that periodically lapsed into mild flirtation. so by early april i was starting to get hot and bothered. i wanted to push AG for a serious answer - did she want me (rather, to try dating) or not?

this was the first time i had ever seriously considered taking that step with someone i was attracted to (while in a relationship with someone else). i started thinking about all the ways that AG was making me happy -- getting to know someone new; frequent, rapid fire talking +some flirting; and finally, the possibility of sex in my future -- and i came to several realizations:

1. that my relationship with min was lacking in almost all those things
2. even though i didn't think (then) those things could be fixed, i didn't want to leave min because i loved her and was committed to her.
3. that if our relationship was an open one, with rules in place, maybe i could keep min AND me happy at the same time, because
4. i'd get to be with both AG and min.

this sounded my head. reality is a little different. a fact i learned when, after carefully analyzing and documenting (for myself) the main discussion points for about a week, i finally decided to talk to min two sundays ago. april 8. and it was perfect timing too because - as would happen periodically when i'd go to an event without min - when i returned home, before long i was inevitably asked questions regarding my emotional fidelity.

doesn't this sound like the perfect opening? well, actually i've been meaning to talk to you about something related to that. yeah actually there is no good opening for this kind of conversation. especially when your relationship is already messed up and this is not really the way to fix it. because hey - turns out your partner was right to be suspicious.

anyway i launched into my presentation, and before long, i (understandably) had her crying and saying that she wanted to die. we called her sister lori - yes this is the same one we had the "fabulous" road trip with last summer - and she agreed to come over and spend the night. stay up talking with us, kind of like a mediator. lori actually did a great job. before long, i was saying i wanted to go see a therapist, try to work things out, and was willing to put nonmonogamy on hold until we had given us a fair chance to fix things. min seemed to hear that but also was quite intent on the idea of 'you're just going to have sex with this other woman and then leave me, and what's the point of sticking around for that'.

a very potentially valid point if i do say so. which is why i agreed not to pursue AG until we'd tried to fix us. around 2am we started getting too tired though and went to bed, agreeing to work on this more the next day.

monday morning. min comes in and wakes me up with questions around 7am. why did i stop blogging? was that about her? how did i meet AG? how far had things gone? what was i going to do about her? i answered her questions, tried to go back to sleep, but gave up a few minutes later since my mind was racing. i showered, and as i was getting dressed afterwards min asked if i had the car keys. earlier she'd been looking for the cell phone so i figured she was gonna look in the car for it. so i got her the keys and resumed getting dressed. and a minute or so later, min zoomed off in the car.

and if that isn't a great way to start the day -- and end another post -- i don't know what is. nighty night.

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