Wednesday, April 12, 2006

the un/godly truth

yes it's me! i know i said i wasn't resurrectable, that i wouldn't blog anymore, and you couldn't convince me otherwise. however just a few things have happened in the last month and a half, especially in the last few days, and after talking with min about it (her encouraging me to blog), i think i'm going to go ahead.

in case you couldn't guess from my last post, she was the Thing I Couldn't Talk About. she was convinced i was saying bad things about her, and it didn't really matter what i said to deny that (and it was NOT true), she just wanted me to clam up. or, get approval ahead of time and i don't work that way. thus, silence.

but a couple days ago she realized that i had killed this blog. and by extension, that action was primarily about her. and because of the other things going on with us, she really wanted me (both of us) to blog again because she's convinced it will be healthy for us to get everything out there, good and bad. i'm not 100% on that for myself, but i DO know that i love having my states documented, because i *love* to forget.

she created a new blog (actually her old one died). i don't really need another one, i like this one. and i'm sure you'll all love hearing this but during my absence i did in fact have a secret blog, one i'll probably keep just to have a dumping ground for unvarnished truth. here, i want to use at least a bit of varnish, or at least clarity.

there is no doubt that a lot of the...more colorful...things that run rampant through my mind have remained hidden during the history of this blog. but over the last few weeks, as we prepared to see a therapist, i realized that i could not hold these things inside any longer.

so, since easter is around the corner, consider this little corner of the web resurrected.

and now, some tidbits to titillate you until i have the energy to post more:
  • my parents are finally out of my house.
  • we did not see the therapist as intended, because:
  • min's disability $ ended a few weeks ago.
  • i finally admitted to myself that i've been unhappy with parts of my life for a long time. which on sunday led to:
  • telling min i wanted to have an open relationship (incidentally, with a woman who'll remain publicly nameless as long as i can help it, and who has since told me, wait, she's not actually *that* interested -- so lovely), which means:
  • the last several days have been some of the most exhausting in my entire life. that doesn't even count cleaning up broken glass.
trust me, i am going to post explanations and whys later. if you don't think you'll feel comfortable reading about it, fine. you didn't think i was going to write anymore anyway. ;-) this is mostly for me, then for min, and then for anyone else who might find my stories interesting or useful.

because believe me, there will be stories. and they will be the truth, ungodly or otherwise.


Liz said...

Well, welcome back, Kotter!

snarfdog said...

Wow! I'm glad you're back, and that I found out, albeit by accident. I inadvertantly clicked on the link from Andreas blog, and lo and behold a new post. I was stunned, but happy.

heather said...

thanks, snowflake and mario!

wen said...


hip hip horray!

long live the co-queen of denial!

i checked your blog out of habit, because i was so tired from my trip (long story of scary flights, lost luggage and flying to chicago twice in one day) that i forgot you'd stopped blogging.

i also figured, hey, with the "i'm not jesus" thing that perhaps you'd done an easter ressurection.

good for you for blogging.

e-mail me...i know about the open relationship thing and would love to give you assvice, one co-queen to another.