i've been feeling like a teenager lately. or to be more precise, a 22-year old, since that's how old i was when i came out.
when i was at the, oh, 90% mark in self-acceptance about my sexuality, i was in my junior year at belmont. incidentally i really love that the woman on the homepage right now looks like she's gonna fire that violin right at us. bam! string in your eye!
ok anyway, so it was spring 1995 and i was in love. sure, i was getting over my suitemate (yes the one who taught me to skate). but more than that, i was in love with all women. ALL OF THEM. every single woman i looked at, i saw something beautiful, something that caught my eye. i often commented on this to my good friend kelly, also a dyke. her tastes were a little more discerning than mine at the time, so she didn't always agree with me, but at least she found me amusing and enjoyed talking about hot chicks.
which reminds me of the time she and i were in the campus cafe, just before class, and bryan adams' song, 'have you ever really loved a woman' was playing. i was paying for my item (probably m&m's or gum) when all of a sudden i said to the cashier -- a perky pauley perrette type -- 'have you ever really loved a woman?'
my cute little cashier blushed, then laughed. kelly, who was taking a drink of something, started coughing. cashier smiled but replied, 'uh, no.'
'well, something to think about,' i said, then hopped (yes, hopped!) away with kelly.
ANYway, my whole point is to help you see my state of mind. playful and bewitched by the female of the species. it is a state i am bordering on of late, and to be honest, it's a bit confusing. at least the bewitched by strangers part is -- playful, i am used to.
maybe it's just spring. maybe all these women, with their delightfully feminine skirts, shiny hair, waves of jasmine and musk washing over me as they walk by, are just trying to tell me that the sun is shining and it's a beautiful day.
note: i have never been a big fan of skirts, perfume, or incessantly girly conversation, and yet i keep finding myself noticing these things, and then noticing that i'm finding it adorable.
a little disconcerting, but as you might guess, i'm not really opposed to it, either. :-D it does leave me wondering if something's in the air, something's changed how i'm looking at the world. i'm not sure what it is yet, but at least i'm enjoying the view.