Thursday, May 31, 2007

since it's been a while

here's another stunningly accurate quiz result, since i'm all about power elements. also the results are just perfect since i'll be vamanosing to the ocean in two days.
Your Power Element is Water
Your power colors: blue and aqua
Your energy: deep
Your season: winter

Like the ocean, you evoke deep feelings and passion. You have an emotional, sensitive, and spiritual soul. A bit mysterious, you tend to be quiet when you are working out a problem. You need your alone time, so that you can think and dream.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

and now, the god alien man relationship

dear internet,

i just wanted to thank you for bringing up this when i did a search on 'fire brimstone smite'. because internet, you just made me love you a little more. my heart, it goes asplode.


Sunday, May 27, 2007


no, this post is not going to be about getting old. by senior i mean my 12th grade year of high school, thanks to a meme by RPP that i liked. 12th grade is next up in my Personal History Project so i figure the timing is perfect.

1. Who was your best friend? I was sort of good friends with a girl named Holly...Lucas? But really, the answer is: my family. It was a new school for me that year, and a very stressful year at that, so I really didn't branch out much past my sister or parents.

2. What sports did you play? Does people-watching count?

3. What kind of car did you drive? Albeit rarely, my parents' honda accord hatchback. Normally I walked or took the bus.

4. It's Friday night, where were you? Watching star trek or american movie classics, back when they only showed b&w films. hot shit, eh?

5. Were you a party animal? I don't think I will ever be able to say yes to that question.

6. Were you considered a flirt? Not yet!

7. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Actually I think that's the first year I skipped choir, I'd been in it every other year prior.

8. Were you a nerd? Not in the AV department sense, but I was definitely a loner.

9. Did you get suspended/expelled? No, but I got to go to the counselor's office a few times. Does that count?

10. Can you sing the fight song?

11. Who was your favorite teacher? Paving my future, I was in love with both my english teacher (a more attractive version of this guy. incidentally i looked like a less attractive version of the meg ryan from that shot, thanks to a perm fetish) and my female psychology instructor, who later i would have my first lesbian sex dream about. she had short silver hair (see, i said it can be sexy!), a slightly husky voice and spent a lot of time talking with me. gee i wonder how the sex dream happened.

12. What was your school's full name? Douglas McKay High School

13. School mascot? Irish something?

14. Did you go to Prom? No, but I went my sophomore year, with a troublemaker who looked a lot like george michael.

15. If you could go back and do it over, would you? I'll steal from RPP and say: Fuck no.

16. What do you remember most about graduation? Waiting. We had a large graduating class (about 400) and it took forever to get through everyone's names. It was in the auditorium, at night, and by the end I was hot and tired.

17. Where were you on senior skip day? I don't think we had one of those. I didn't skip too much that year, probably because I missed several weeks being on the run with my family (whee!), and by the time we came back, I was doing a lot of catchup. I skipped a bunch my sophomore and junior year though! Lots of A&W root beer, curly fries and lolling by the ocean then.

18. Did you have a job your senior year? Nope, I worked over summers.

19. Where did you go most often for lunch? We had a closed campus, so you couldn't go out unless you had a note, or were sneaky. So I ate in the cafeteria, usually a lunch from home, but they also had a pizza hut and taco bell onsite.

20. Have you gained weight since then? Hell yes. We didn't have a scale then, but I'd have to guess I'm close to the same weight now since I'm only a size bigger. Inbetween I was both lighter and wa-a-ay heavier.

21. What did you do after graduation? Went out to dinner with my parents, sister and paternal grandfather, probably at the lancaster mall mcgrath's.

22. When did you graduate? 1990

23. Who was your Senior prom date? The TV remote.

24. Are you going to your 10 year reunion? That would be 'did i go' and the answer is no. Since I only went there for one year, and a hellish year at that, I really don't feel I'm missing much.

25. Who was your home room teacher? No idea. I don't think we had them.

26. Who will repost this after you? This is a little long, so I'll repeat RPP again and say anyone feeling nostalgic (dharma, i'm looking at you), have at it. :)

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

i wanna kick some butto

apparently one of the products here at work was recently renamed. in the interests of not pointing fingers (although i do love a good finger pointing session) by giving the Real Name, let's say the product was, in fact, one of these digit-friendly sessions. as one of many types of possible sessions available on the site, the name would then be:

Finger Pointing

and it would be listed under the available types of sessions. however, apparently someone decided to rename this session -- and only this session -- to:

Finger Pointing Sessions

you may be asking yourself why i care. the answer is, of course, because it is leading to shit grammar i am being asked to put up:
Finger Pointing Sessions is a low-cost way for you to scold others in the safety of your own hand.
obviously i changed the ending, but...Sessions is? Sessions IS??


is it really that hard to think through the ramifications of naming conventions? grammar? or at a minimum, public perception of what looks to be a mistake on one of our most widely used products? especially when you could've kept the original name, said 'Finger Pointing sessions are...' and no one would've noticed?

the worst part is that this is not the first time. i've seen errors like this more and more over the last year, and it really cheeses me. and not in my usual omg-cheese-i-want-to-have-your-baby kind of way. this is more like cheese that's been sitting in the fridge for a year. it's slimy, moldy and enough to make me ptoo.

not that i still care about words or anything.

Monday, May 21, 2007

changing palates

i have a regular meeting with my manager. near the end of today's session, bosslady asked me about min, wanted more details of her condition(s), so i told her. the short version. about an hour later, on the way home, it hit me how exhausting it was just to TALK about all that. i felt the weight of it all on my chest and realized i sort of avoid this topic at work (except for liz sometimes) because of just that: it's tiring.

that's probably part of why i don't write about it much here anymore, either. i don't usually think about it too much, but the truth is that all of this medical stuff alone is a lot to deal with, even as the observer i am. granted that's nothing compared to what m goes through, but still.

then it occurred to me that it is no wonder i am getting more and more grey hair. about a year ago, i found my first grey hair. kinda tripped me out. saturday i noticed that now i have quite a bit of it. it's subtle - because of my sorta strawberry blonde hair, the grey can be hard to see. but there are a few patches -- right temple, left forehead -- where there is now a substantial amount of grey weaving itself in.

at this rate i'd think that by next summer, i'll have full-on grey patches, and the thought of that is more than a little disconcerting. the fact is, compared to my sister and mom, i'm very lucky. mom went completely silver by the time she was 18, white by 20, and my sister started getting serious grey in her 20's.

but of course, the really silly part is that i feel vain about this at all. on *other* people i actually like grey hair. it looks distinguished, i like how it glitters, whatever. i guess i'm just sad to see my little rainbow fade. i started off platinum blonde, then golden, then strawberry. i had hoped, like my paternal and maternal grandfathers before me, i would then migrate to an illustrious red, which then would go straight to grey.

as a longtime lover of auburn tresses, skipping this option annoys me. sure, i could color my hair. i don't want to. if nothing else, i'm too low-maintenance in this area. see now we're in the vain category again. my mom and sister both color their hair, and i guess i've been a little proud i never needed to. in response to many a hairdresser's query i've replied, 'no, i don't color my hair; it changes all by itself'.

and it's changing again, but now it just makes me feel old (which, at 34, i am not). but i do feel tired, and not just because it is nearing midnight. some frustrations have been weighing on me more than usual. there's been some good in the last week too, but... thank goodness we're going on holiday soon. i need some solid time drinking in the ocean air. i want to wake up windburned and happy. i want to dream of one blue while sailing into another. and i want those big puffy clouds to shoo away all my other cares, if only for a little while.

Friday, May 18, 2007

the not-so daily grind

in my morning random bloggy adventures i found this:

these results don't really surprise me at all. i need it sometimes, but on the whole, i usually go without it. however, i know there are heavier coffee drinkers in my readership so i'm hoping some of you will be tempted to take the quiz. i want to see how addicted YOU are. :-D

in other news, i'm glad i came across an interesting quiz to post, because the rest of my life... it's getting better, but this week's been brutal. i'm glad the weekend is upon us, because i need a respite.

and a very merry weekend to you!

Sunday, May 13, 2007


here's a great prompt from write stuff, a blog i found recently:
What would your life be like without the Internet?
in the present tense, without the internet, i could potentially be homeless. my day job is all about those bits of data flowing round the tubes. most of my freelance work also resides in this domain: website design, site hosting, writing for websites, and so on. so i depend on the intarweb just a little.

then there's all the personal stuff. the internet helps me get from point A to B, research new purchases, send money to my mom for free, plan trip destinations, read the news, calculate proper postage, enjoy art and music. i got that list merely from looking at my bookmark toolbar. on an even more personal level, without email, blogs and IM, i would laugh a hell of a lot less, and be woefully out of touch with my friends and loved ones. in fact, i am sure i would have barely any friends at all.

this leads to a question that was almost implied: what if the internet had never existed?

if the internet had never come to be, i think there's a very good chance that i would be a straight (or possibly bisexual) music industry professional somewhere in tennessee, or maybe L.A since i love the ocean too much to remain that landlocked.

the internet came into my life when i was at belmont. living in the dorms, falling in love with a girl for the first time...if i hadn't had the internet to start exploring these feelings, i probably would've taken a LOT longer to come into myself. spending time on places like alt.lesbian.feminist.poetry, isca, and most importantly, paradox, i was able to explore my sexuality and myself in a way that i was far, far too shy to do IRL. :-D in fact, i am still far more brazen in digital form than i probably ever will be in person, especially when it comes to flirting. and believe me, when prompted, i am incorrigible.

anyway, all of this talking online (in the days when graphics were a novelty) led me to my first real girlfriend. by the time we met, i was already in love with her. by the time we kissed, i knew i could never be with a guy again. well, i suppose i shouldn't say never, but suffice to say, it made a big ol' dyke outta me. the internet later led me to min, with whom i'll celebrate an 11-year anniversary in about 2 weeks.

in short, i really don't want to know what my life would be like without the internet. i'm sure i would read more books, and while that is appealing, the internet has enriched my life beyond measure, and i'm ever so grateful.

Friday, May 11, 2007

in case you were thinking about it

i implore you, do not go see superman spiderman 3. i guarantee it will be a waste of your money and time. not that i would know. the only good things about it:

- the music (great opening score, and a few good rock tracks)
- kirsten dunst as a redhead, in a dress that perfectly matches her eyes
- that i get to warn all of you

you're welcome!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

amberger hamburger

my sister (formerly amber, then katie, now jessi, and yes i'm still adjusting) has the same blood condition as my dad. for most of her adult life she hasn't had insurance and so hasn't had the scrilla for things like hematologists and fancypants medications.

thankfully the world provides a cheap partial substitute for the last item, by way of aspirin. normally my sister takes aspirin on a daily basis and this helps keep her levels in check.

apparently i forgot to blog about this, but my sister and her clan recently moved from oregon to arizona. en route, they and their Very Pregnant Cat stayed here for a few days. was supposed to be one night only but with wheedling, free dinners and star trek we kept them here a few days. well, that and their Very Pregnant Cat decided to have a medical emergency. she ended up being fine, but when she had her babies a few days later in phoenix, 2 of the 5 died.

with all this excitement my sister forgot to take her aspirin for a few weeks. couple that with some long stretches of driving and you can see why she formed a nasty blood clot in her leg. she texted me from the emergency room 2 nights ago to say so, then updated me later to say she'd been admitted.

i tried to call her a couple times yesterday but couldn't get through. i wasn't crazy worried but on the other hand, it's the first time she's had to be admitted for this, and as her Dork (me Dork, she Booger, story long) i was naturally riddled with panicky questions resulting from a lack of information.

last night i was telling min about all this when lo and behold! my sister calls. thanks to the miracle of science and fancypants medicine, they were able to dissolve the clot in less than one full day. she was calling me from home, where she was already being pampered by her testosterone clan. once we made sure everything was fine, got the whole story, there was much silliness.

which really is what i would expect from someone i used to talk with in fake german accents all day long. oh, and sing along to the radio (wind beneath my wings?), all as a chicken. oh, and write letters to each other only using movie/tv quotes. oh, and practice sign language in the back of the car so mom and dad wouldn't know we were being snarky.

i love my sister. could you tell?

Wednesday, May 09, 2007


for posting another quiz but thanks to jennie, i've found one that lets you - yes, you - modify my results.

right now i'm a leopard whose primary characteristics are modest, inquisitive, fickle, spontaneous and shy. that's (apparently) what i think of me. but what do you think?

you have 11 days to use your clicking powers to reshape me.

i know it's just a quiz, but from a sociological perspective i find this process potentially fascinating. i think if people were more honest (well, honest and gentle) with interpersonal feedback, over time we would grow into a much wiser, intuitive and productive society. granted, this is assuming the best of people, but considering my usual snarkiness, i'm entitled to the occasional utopian whim.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

to see me grin like an idiot, say:

ROTFLMAO You so totally rock.
this in response to my briliance (of course).

anyone could make me grin with this comment. others could make me grin like an idiot. for the moment, i'm happy to be an idiot.

Monday, May 07, 2007

something's in the air

i've been feeling like a teenager lately. or to be more precise, a 22-year old, since that's how old i was when i came out.

when i was at the, oh, 90% mark in self-acceptance about my sexuality, i was in my junior year at belmont. incidentally i really love that the woman on the homepage right now looks like she's gonna fire that violin right at us. bam! string in your eye!

ok anyway, so it was spring 1995 and i was in love. sure, i was getting over my suitemate (yes the one who taught me to skate). but more than that, i was in love with all women. ALL OF THEM. every single woman i looked at, i saw something beautiful, something that caught my eye. i often commented on this to my good friend kelly, also a dyke. her tastes were a little more discerning than mine at the time, so she didn't always agree with me, but at least she found me amusing and enjoyed talking about hot chicks.

which reminds me of the time she and i were in the campus cafe, just before class, and bryan adams' song, 'have you ever really loved a woman' was playing. i was paying for my item (probably m&m's or gum) when all of a sudden i said to the cashier -- a perky pauley perrette type -- 'have you ever really loved a woman?'

my cute little cashier blushed, then laughed. kelly, who was taking a drink of something, started coughing. cashier smiled but replied, 'uh, no.'

'well, something to think about,' i said, then hopped (yes, hopped!) away with kelly.

ANYway, my whole point is to help you see my state of mind. playful and bewitched by the female of the species. it is a state i am bordering on of late, and to be honest, it's a bit confusing. at least the bewitched by strangers part is -- playful, i am used to.

maybe it's just spring. maybe all these women, with their delightfully feminine skirts, shiny hair, waves of jasmine and musk washing over me as they walk by, are just trying to tell me that the sun is shining and it's a beautiful day.

note: i have never been a big fan of skirts, perfume, or incessantly girly conversation, and yet i keep finding myself noticing these things, and then noticing that i'm finding it adorable.

a little disconcerting, but as you might guess, i'm not really opposed to it, either. :-D it does leave me wondering if something's in the air, something's changed how i'm looking at the world. i'm not sure what it is yet, but at least i'm enjoying the view.

Friday, May 04, 2007

i have to admit, i just like the pretty rainbow pencils

otherwise i probably wouldn't post another quiz so soon. although it is true that i often find myself aburst with ideas.
You Are 80% Creative

You are beyond creative. You are a true artist - even if it's not in the conventional sense of the word. You love creating for its own sake, and you find yourself quite inspired at times.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

i knownst how to gigglst

overheard in a meeting: maybe unknownst to you...

immediately i tuned out and thought: but knownst to us!

and then i'm like, where the hell is that from? immediately i wrote it down so as not to forget. thanks to the internet, i was reminded that it's a line from this bit of excellence.

there are SO many good quotes from this movie that i'm hard pressed to pick a favorite. meantime here's the one i use almost every time i vacuum: She's gone from suck to blow!

ok back to work.

a bit of midday fluff

You Are 84% A Child of the 80s

There's hardly a moment of the 80s that you missed out on. Was there ever a better decade? As if!

no seriously

la la la


i forgot that the internet doesn't put me to sleep. la la la.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

the measure of me

in my last post i mentioned someday writing a book based on my particular brand of crazy. i've promised that for a long time, but i think this weekend, i actually started. the kick in the pants was the preceding post, based on the two memories i shared. it made me realize that i had more grey memory areas than previously indicated.

and what better way to start getting through those than writing everything out? and i mean just about everything. a chronology of me. for once i didn't have anything else i *had* to do on saturday, so i wrote (longhand) for about 6 hours straight.

i can't even tell you how awesome that was. even though parts of it were emotionally tough to write, it was awesome writing almost all day, just for me.

it took me 11 pages (8x11) to cover birth til the first half of the 6th grade. we moved in the middle of that year, is why i stopped there. incidentally, that chapter ends with me being heartbroken -- was the first time i felt relationship angst (at least, angst i can easily recall) because we moved away from the boy i loved.

and yes, i had no idea what heartbreak, or love, was really like yet. seriously pales in comparison to relationships as an adult, but you could've fooled me. young hearts still can break, and mine was absolutely broken at the time.

since my horrible memory was able to produce 11 pages thusfar, i'm nervous about how much content i'll have as we move forward to times when i actually start remembering these things called 'details'.

which brings me to the other reason i'm writing this all out. if i'm going to write a book based on interesting things from my past, i should really know what parts of my eventual book are fact versus fiction. i think the best way to do that is to write out the facts first. at least, it is for me. :)

anyone else ever do this? thought about it?